anyone struggling with borderline?

[nembutal]

i hate this sickness more than anything in the world. i consider myself free from malice and manipulation when attempting to connect with other people but this disease makes me feel like all of my actions are motivated by some invisible evil inside of me. it's no fucking coincidence that most borderlines don't make it past their mid twenties. whether it be stigma or the cold truth we are treated worse than the most prolific psychopaths on the planet. my symptoms make me feel like i am deserving to die. inability to deal with abandonment (im still attached to someone who is dead now LOL), constant fear of rejection, no capacity to process emotions in a peaceful manner. i fucking hate myself for being born this way. getting rid of myself only serves to rid the burden i am towards those around me.

 

[sulli]

yeah. it truly has made me unlovable <3 everyone i've ever truly loved has abandoned me bc of how my fear of abandonment made me act. what bitter irony

 

[stermc]

I agree with you. It's not easy to deal with all the symptoms that borderline comes with. I do not feel like there is an evil force behind my actions, only if the actions are towards harming myself. When it comes to other people, I am usually caring and loving, but all of my relationships are extremely unstable, because I can't trust. And yeah, fear of abandonment… fuck this shit. The funny thing is that I always get rejected at some point.
I am still learning to love myself and it's been a nice journey. It's always important to remember that you are not your disease. It's just the way your brain works, and yes, it sucks, but there are ways to make it a little better.
Also, the prognosis to bpd is actually pretty positive. The symptoms tend to soften with time (late 20's and early 30's).
Forgot to say that what I hate the most about being borderline is that I am always playing with life and flirting with death. I am in the limit of every feeling and sensation, on the border of madness. Just one step forward and it's done. But yeah, mixed opinions and feelings towards it.

 

[fell]

Forgot to say that what I hate the most about being borderline is that I am always playing with life and flirting with death. I am in the limit of every feeling and sensation, on the border of madness. Just one step forward and it's done.

Wow, this is so perfectly said to how I feel I think this is what makes ideation so hard. I feel everything so raw and intensely and in black and white

 

[stermc]

Wow, this is so perfectly said to how I feel I think this is what makes ideation so hard. I feel everything so raw and intensely and in black and white

"It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply"

Sometimes it feels more like a curse, and it may be, but I can't deny that there are also some blessings. It hurts, but I like the way I feel stuff. I like that I feel everything so rawly, so intensely, so madly, so exaggeratedly, so confusingly… sometimes I really think it is one of my best qualities.

We just gotta find the balance…

 

[fell]

I understand that too. There's no one who loves more deeply & intensely than someone with BPD

 

[randy]

Psychedelic Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder?

Psychedelic therapy with psilocybin or LSD may help with the hallmark symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD).

psychedelicreview.com

 

[bpdblackout]

i hate this sickness more than anything in the world. i consider myself free from malice and manipulation when attempting to connect with other people but this disease makes me feel like all of my actions are motivated by some invisible evil inside of me. it's no fucking coincidence that most borderlines don't make it past their mid twenties. whether it be stigma or the cold truth we are treated worse than the most prolific psychopaths on the planet. my symptoms make me feel like i am deserving to die. inability to deal with abandonment (im still attached to someone who is dead now LOL), constant fear of rejection, no capacity to process emotions in a peaceful manner. i fucking hate myself for being born this way. getting rid of myself only serves to rid the burden i am towards those around me.

Good news and bad news

Good news
Most people with borderline developed it as a result of trauma or abandonment early in development. So you weren't born that way more than likely. You're not innately fucked up. Like a psychopath or something.

Bad news
There is no cure and treatment/therapies/ meds are only moderately successful. And the good news is only relevant if you use it as a reason to live. Good news not relevant if you CTB.

Sometimes I want to live a happy and long life just to spite my abusers. To spite the universe for all the times it tried to put me down/ spit me out.

Other times I think it's impossible for me to be happy or normal.

I swing back and forth. From black to white.

 

[Finn_tasia]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I relate. Except I internalise everything (a "quiet" borderline). So it feels like the world is crumbling and I'm just dissociated af all the time because of it

 

[bpdblackout]

Psychedelic Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder?

Psychedelic therapy with psilocybin or LSD may help with the hallmark symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD).

psychedelicreview.com

Shrooms actually did give me relief mentally for awhile. I recommend it.

 

[valkyrie]

I'm not diagnosed with BPD but definitely relate to most of the symptoms so could have it
I'm so much worse when involved in a romantic relationship
When I was a teen who avoided people at any cost I was pretty much fine but then romance fucked up my life
I just can't live without it now but I fuck up the person who I'm withs life and then they abandon me and I feel like dying and the cycle repeats

 

[theboy]

¿are u in treatment?