Help Anyone moved to another state/province? How did you do it?

[deathplease]

I've been thinking about packing up and moving to another province recently. I have been through a lot of trauma and there's not really anything left for me here. I feel like I will be able to leave a lot of the toxicity in my life by moving. My family has caused me more trauma than anyone or anything that has happened to me - my parents being the worst. I may also be able to find a better location to ctb this way. I'm having trouble figuring out how to rent a new apartment, find a job etc, as I have never done this before. I'm not sure how to secure a place and a job without traveling there first. Can anyone help me with the steps that come a long with this? Living where I am makes my life more of a hell than it needs to be. Being stuck in my own mind with the trauma I have endured, and my mental illness that has manifested because of it is enough to bare. I just want to start fresh with my 2 cats and try to live a better life until I ctb. I would appreciate all the advice I could get. This community is so supportive and I don't really know where else to turn. I have no support here. I'm very alone in my journey. Thank you, everyone.

 

[suffering]

You could try applying to jobs and see where you would be paid more.

I'm having trouble figuring out how to rent a new apartment, find a job etc, as I have never done this before.

Nobody has a right answer for that and even those who have done it can still make mistakes. It's a lot of luck, to be honest. Sometimes it's better to 'just do it'. One piece of advice that I would have is to make sure you don't sign any document that can chain you to something, basically just make sure that you can quit your job or end your renting contract easily. This way you can undo any bad move.

 

[LivingToLong]

'Running away' can work. It is possible to leave your troubles behind you (but beware, if they are in your head then they can follow you) It's like hitting a 'reset' button and I have done with success.

Work is harder to find today than it was but if you're young, fit and healthy then this works in your favour. Places to live depend on what you've got to spend - and short term accommodation (whilst you look for something cheaper) can chew up savings pretty darned quickly. There's always somewhere available pretty much everywhere - just a matter of whether you can afford it. Hostels or camping can keep short term costs down. A bit of research on both (jobs & accommodation) in advance might be help as an indication but reality is always different. Neither are hard to ask after, there are no magic words required; you simply say "hello, I'm looking for a job / apartment" That's enough to get things started, or get a 'no' answer. Be prepared for 'no' but remember that it doesn't need to hurt as it's not personal. You move on to the next one.

I agree with @suffering ; 'just do it' is sometimes the way to go. Pitch up and work it out as you go. It is what people used to do after all. Consider yourself as a modern day pioneer! It's tough but if you've got perseverance then it can work. Of course, you can sort out stuff in advance but it takes time, sometimes too much time. If you've got to go and you want to go then just go (if there's really nothing holding you back)

Oh, one final word of advice. Always keep enough money by for the return fare. Just in case.

Edit: I want to extend what I said: if the nature of your mental illness means that you have difficulty coping then I'd not recommend moving on. It is a stressful thing to do is job/apartment hunting and if you struggle handling stress, or need help in your everyday life as it is, then I'd not recommend going it alone. Make an honest assessment of your own capabilities before doing anything else.

 

[Donewith_]

I m sorry you are having a hard time. But it might be a good opportunity too for some things to change.. who knows.
I can suggest some if you like.. you can go with it.
Brush up your skills, hobbies( I think they matter to some extent on cv), try to add some extra certificates (like online courses .. if not possible immediately, keep it for later),
if it's difficult to get the job that you wanted to do,try to get customer service job ( after acquiring required skills for it), if you get into a job first and are financially independent ( though you earn less), you can plan the rest of your dreams upon it.. save some money from it and after you are a bit stable, you can make trials for your dream job, get into other courses ( saving money is a lot important when no one has got your back, i would even stop buying new dresses)Look for a place which you can share with others to save some money on rent or stay as a paying guest ( if it's possible there).
Take good care of your health and take nutritious food if you dont want to give up your dream halfway.
Be careful about whom you trust. Help and take help.. and the people whom you believe you can trust to help and help you out.
Hope some of this might help.
Wish you the best in this new step.
May you do well

 

[Alecsa]

I'm proud of you wanting to take this step. I understand there isn't a perfect way to do it, and not to be a downer, but the prep time might be longer than what it would take to CTB, HOWEVER payoff is good, especially if the source of toxicity is your family, town, or city.

May I know how old you are?

You'll probably need 6 months minimum prep time, depending on what money you have saved. The sad part is this requires a lot of money. You'd probably need at least 3 months of your salary saved up, and another 1-3 months worth as a safety net.

1. It would be good if you could move somewhere where you can get temporary support. If you know someone willing to take you in for a month or two until you get settled would be a great help, otherwise, you'd have to do it on your own.

2. Most apartment managers would need rental history and employment history, as well as a down payment and deposit. This is where the 1-3 months worth of salary comes in. I'm not sure about the policies of apartments in your country but it's standard 1 month advance payment and 2 months deposit for where I've been to. (although I know this goes as high as 6 months deposit)

-Searching for apartments/rooms would be best done online. I'm sure there would be a bunch of advertisements for roommates as well. Since you have cats, that's another thing you have to consider. I don't know where else to direct you to, but Reddit always has answers for most stuff.
- Same goes for jobs, maybe find something cash in hand in the mean time? If you currently have one that would be willing to give you a recommendation letter that would be very helpful.

I'm sorry if this is so much to take in, it took me a lot to make that leap, but it was worth it. I had to bust my butt working for 6 months, living like a zombie, but I was able to get away from my toxic family.

I hope reading this doesn't cause you anxiety, I'm sorry if it does. Most adulting stuff online overwhelms me.

Sending warm hugs and comfort

 

[throwaway123]

I've been thinking about packing up and moving to another province recently. I have been through a lot of trauma and there's not really anything left for me here. I feel like I will be able to leave a lot of the toxicity in my life by moving. My family has caused me more trauma than anyone or anything that has happened to me - my parents being the worst. I may also be able to find a better location to ctb this way. I'm having trouble figuring out how to rent a new apartment, find a job etc, as I have never done this before. I'm not sure how to secure a place and a job without traveling there first. Can anyone help me with the steps that come a long with this? Living where I am makes my life more of a hell than it needs to be. Being stuck in my own mind with the trauma I have endured, and my mental illness that has manifested because of it is enough to bare. I just want to start fresh with my 2 cats and try to live a better life until I ctb. I would appreciate all the advice I could get. This community is so supportive and I don't really know where else to turn. I have no support here. I'm very alone in my journey. Thank you, everyone.

I wish I could help you in person. :(
You sound a lot like me and this could've been written by me. The only difference being that I don't have cats.

 

[deathplease]

Thank you everyone for the support and the advice. I feel like I'm at a point where there's no turning back from ctbing, but I feel like if I can move on from my life where I am now I will be able to have a clearer head. I'm going to ctb regardless, because living without my baby boy is a nightmare and my purpose in life has been taken from me. If I had a secure way to die right now, I'd be gone. I feep trapped in my family because even though I am an independent 23 year old women, my family treats me as a child. My own mother has said that I can't do things without her. When my son was dying in the hospital, the doctors wouldn't even go to me about him - they would go to my mother. I feel heartbroken that the short few weeks I had with my son, I wasn't even seen as his mother. When I gave birth to my son, the nurses and the social worker went to my mother in regards to my son. I had to FIGHT to be heard and to be respected as a parent. The social worker was there because the father of my child was extremely abusive and he chose not to be involved with my son. He pushed me to get an abortion and kicked me out 8 weeks pregnant in the middle of winter with no shoes on, after beating me up in front of his 3 year old daughter. I was treated differently because I was a young mother with an abusive baby-dad. I was more than capable of taking care of him on my own, yet CAS was called on me anyway more than once. It shaped my self confidence as a parent. My previous worker even said that she was very impressed with how much I did for my son even before he was born. I bought almost everything for my son on my own, I got an apartment by myself, I took all the mental health support possible. I busted my ass to be the best parent I could. She happily closed my file but I was called on anyway by 2 other workers. This is a very small piece of the trauma I have been through. I have to leave this behind along with the rest of the shitty things that have happened to me. Being a mother was my purpose - I have always wanted to be a mother. I'm bawling writing this. Please understand this - I have always been treated differently no matter how hard I try. My baby boy, my purpose, is gone. I stayed on this earth to be a mother. There's no point now. I have to get away from the bullshit that's happened here. I know this is completely unrelated to what I asked, but I have no support here and this community is all I have. I started typing and couldn't stop. I hold all this in because nobody here understands the pain I'm in. A piece of me is gone that I will never get back. Moving will ease the pain of the nightmare that is my life until I can ctb. I'm sorry for the rant everyone - I'm just so broken. I want my baby back.

I wish I could help you in person. :(
You sound a lot like me and this could've been written by me. The only difference being that I don't have cats.

I feel like we could be good friends. PM me, if you'd like.

 

[Wolfjob_dayjob]

:( I'm sorry. Just wanted to add, because you said you had no exp and i was able to dodge a similar scam to please be wary of fake rental scams and try to deal in person and stay frosty out there. I'm sorry, nothing else helpful to add.

 

[Kyrok]

Could you move to a different, but nearby town first? Spend maybe a year there, then move farther away?