Anyone making their goodbye note a video or voice recording?

[Cosmiq]

I suppose this is a question aimed at those that feel guilt, or are leaving behind people that love them and truly care.
I don't think I could get through it. But I'm curious how someone who is planning to do it is able to.
I think it'd just be me sitting there sobbing with snot bubbles.
Writting the letter is already incredibly hard, but I always think about how in text, the tones of messages can end up lost or misunderstand. With a letter, people still have this way of reading it and interpreting it as if you wrote it easily, that you did it without emotion, that even though we say sorry or tell them we were going through the pain they won't really get the transfer on paper or just seeing the words.
Most of us have barely been able to talk about it to our friends and loved ones, and when we do it's only in the style of a joke or something, or at least it like that for me.
I know that even if I could just do a voice recording they could here how much pain I've been in, but also how determined I was and that it wasn't something I just did one random afternoon.

 

[ERASED]

No i just have it in note form on my phone. So when I'm ready I'll just post it to the media's I'm on to get it done with.

 

[RileyTanaka]

I think if you can handle being on camera that video is always better than a letter - alot of the reasons you mention here. Things can get lost in translation through text alone.

I had a friend who CTB and she left a video behind where she explained her reasons for going when she was out in nature, feeling calm. It was important to her to convey that she was making this decision in a rational, sober state so she waited until she was in a good frame of mind to film it. She thanked people in her life who were good to her and explained that she was too tired to keep fighting through her mental illness and that she knew it would get worse over time for her. Also apologized for any pain she had caused in the past and through her decision and that it was nothing to do with any of their shortcomings. I thought it was well done - it was personal, down to earth, and conveyed that it was a serious, thought out decision for her.

I am seriously contemplating doing the same for myself, although I don't think people in my life care enough to want to watch it. I may settle for audio for certain people. Family will likely get boomerang emails because I couldn't face them in a video, I don't have the guts or the relationship with them to justify that.

 

[rhiino]

That is a very interesting idea. I do not know whether I could record something, I feel so sad and devastated already when working on my note.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'm not, but I truly admire those that do. I saw a touching example on a euthanasia documentary. The guy had lost the ability to speak, but got a voice actor to do it. It was very touching

 

[Isittimetogonola]

I already have my notes completed. I do plan to upload videos to a secure site that only they will have access. They will be extremely personal and hope it brings them peace.

 

[Deleted member 17331]

I tried to record an audio on my last CTB attempt, but I couldn't. I couldn't be clear, the words were gone from my mind and I ended up crying desperately. What made me give up.

It seems to be a good idea, for those who find it easier to speak. In my perception, I believe that to record, we should have some kind of mental preparation…

But I can't see myself in this, my panic attacks would consume me. And I don't think it would be appropriate to record doped for me.

 

[RileyTanaka]

I tried to record an audio on my last CTB attempt, but I couldn't. I couldn't be clear, the words were gone from my mind and I ended up crying desperately. What made me give up.

It seems to be a good idea, for those who find it easier to speak. In my perception, I believe that to record, we should have some kind of mental preparation…

But I can't see myself in this, my panic attacks would consume me. And I don't think it would be appropriate to record doped for me.

scripts help

 

[MaybeSoon]

It never crossed my mind that I could do an audio recording. It might be more comforting to hear my thoughts and goodbyes read out loud. Something to consider, thanks.

 

[Cosmiq]

It never crossed my mind that I could do an audio recording. It might be more comforting to hear my thoughts and goodbyes read out loud. Something to consider, thanks.

I only recently thought of it because of a tv show. They aren't exactly leaving suicide notes or even goodbyes. It's mostly just to show that they are within sound body and mind and have made the choice to go through with something that many others would deem crazy or would try to stop them because of the uncertainty of it all.

It resonated with me because the initial response from a character is that people that go through with it all fit into the same category of nut jobs and are being taken advantage of. But the videos are a quick start to them not just suddenly dismissing the idea.

I'm mean as people that want to ctb, we're can easily put us all into the same group. That we belong to those that cry for help, and that people just didn't act quick enough to "save" the ones that actually ctb. Or that were are all extremely mental ill beyond just depression and such and should be locked away for our own good.

 

[lostangel]

If I had a method that would guarantee a death-like shotgun to the head then I would love to do a goodbye recording just so I can vent and be able to convey without people misunderstanding me.

 

[MaybeSoon]

I only recently thought of it because of a tv show. They aren't exactly leaving suicide notes or even goodbyes. It's mostly just to show that they are within sound body and mind and have made the choice to go through with something that many others would deem crazy or would try to stop them because of the uncertainty of it all.

It resonated with me because the initial response from a character is that people that go through with it all fit into the same category of nut jobs and are being taken advantage of. But the videos are a quick start to them not just suddenly dismissing the idea.

I'm mean as people that want to ctb, we're can easily put us all into the same group. That we belong to those that cry for help, and that people just didn't act quick enough to "save" the ones that actually ctb. Or that were are all extremely mental ill beyond just depression and such and should be locked away for our own good.

Interesting. I think the problem with a written note is there's not enough context and people will add their own voice to it and it could be read as something that 'sounds' like someone being irrational and in distress. Anyway, good thread, hope you're doing well.

 

[Darksektori]

I've contentemplated a note just not in what format. Probably a hand written note for me personally. Not sure what I'd say, "sorry about the mess" or something long and detailed, never really considered what exactly to say.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

I tried to record an audio on my last CTB attempt, but I couldn't. I couldn't be clear, the words were gone from my mind and I ended up crying desperately. What made me give up.

It seems to be a good idea, for those who find it easier to speak. In my perception, I believe that to record, we should have some kind of mental preparation…

But I can't see myself in this, my panic attacks would consume me. And I don't think it would be appropriate to record doped for me.

Please do not think of this as a failure. I fully expect to go through the same emotions. Even when we know without a doubt it is our time, it is highly personal and emotional. With everything, practice will help you get your message across. At least that is what I am telling myself. For me, when I am able to get through making the videos, I can be truly at peace to CTB. Hope this helps. Much love and light.

 

[RileyTanaka]

I'm not, but I truly admire those that do. I saw a touching example on a euthanasia documentary. The guy had lost the ability to speak, but got a voice actor to do it. It was very touching

It'd be great to see that. Do you have a link or know the name of the documentary?

I wish everyone here had the option to at least petition for euthanasia. It would curtail so many years of needless suffering.

 

[The Dark Chaos]

Sounds like a good ideaa to me. Thankyou for sharing this❤

 

[SpottedPanda]

It'd be great to see that. Do you have a link or know the name of the documentary?

I wish everyone here had the option to at least petition for euthanasia. It would curtail so many years of needless suffering.

I don't sorry. It's been years since I've seen it. I think it was on one of the UK channels

 

[LetMeDieInPeace]

I've been writing a note for the past couple of days and I want to make sure it's perfect. I made sure that I stated that it's nobody's fault and that I'm sorry for committing suicide. I lost the battle with fighting my depression and anxiety years ago and I live in constant misery nowadays. I've recently become aware of the self-sabotaging I've been doing for the past couple of years. There's too much time lost and too much to fix at this point. I love my friends and family so much but it feels like they don't feel the same towards me. I have so much respect for my mother for raising 3 children on her own but she did a lot of damage to me that she's not aware of. I wish my parents never had a 3rd child, I never asked to be born. My father left shortly after I was born and I never knew the real reason why he left but it feels like I'm the reason. Also, he doesn't like me and he's proven it time and time again.

 

[ugly_loser2008]

i have thought bout recording my suicide note, but i really dont know why anyone would ant to watch me.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I have several videos already made one is even over a year old but I also have some notes and I also have a graph that shows my decline in happiness/excitement about life throughout my life.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I have several videos already made one is even over a year old but I also have some notes and I also have a graph that shows my decline in happiness/excitement about life throughout my life.

In the psychiatric hospital, when suicidal, I had to give daily marks out of ten for how I was feeling for my risk assessments

 

[TheGoodGuy]

In the psychiatric hospital, when suicidal, I had to give daily marks out of ten for how I was feeling for my risk assessments

Kinda irrelevant to my post but interesting but also very stupid of them I would lie my ass off to get out.

 

[Cosmiq]

I have several videos already made one is even over a year old but I also have some notes and I also have a graph that shows my decline in happiness/excitement about life throughout my life.

That's actually a good idea of having several videos. I was just thinking about a similar concept of having multiple videos rather than one. It'd still get the same point but also show the increasing amount of suffering or continued decline of quality of life with each updated video.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

It'd still get the same point but also show the increasing amount of suffering or continued decline of quality of life with each updated video.

Yeah that wasn´t actually my intentions not that that my existence has changed much in the last year but in case I ctb soon it´s nice to have a 40 minute video from April 2019 where I explain why I will commit suicide I explain all my problems in great detail and the reason I am so glad I have this video is because I am addicted to benzos and alcohol now so that video along with previous ones (I´ll explain about in a minute) clearly shows that it wasn´t the drugs that make me do it.

The other videos is well there is a lot actually, there is a 3 parters from when my childhood home got demolished after my parents moved out where I in each video can see how my childhood home got destroyed more and more and I even went inside for a tour since the windows and doors had been removed and it was just like what I call "walking in the footprints of the past" like in the movie Finding Dory where she see her old home and transparents version of her as a child with her parents following the seashells to her childhood home. I would go into each room and talk about it and get into this Finding Dory mode where I would stand in our living room or me and my brothers old shared bedroom at children and just imagine if I turned back time like 18 years I would playing with toys, or watching cartoon in this room.

Also in the video I would touch door handles and saying stuff like to think if I turned back time my little child hands would touch this exact door handle or whatever object I touched and eventually in the video I broke down and cried because it broke my heart to see the most important place of the paradise of my childhood been destroyed like that I always imagined my parents would live there forever not even move into a nursing home just live there forever, and it wasn´t just the house that got destroyed the garden where I used to play with my brothers and study nature and insects when I was a toddler and the forest behind our house where we use to have airsoft war and trees I used to climb as a child everything destroyed.

Sorry for the long text I got too caught up in the moment I got other videos too but the point is I have many videos dating 2-3 years back so it shows I have felt suicidal and missed my childhood for a long time despite my parents not knowing I have been suicidal as an adult because I have had my mask of illusion on as I call it for years and vowed to never tell anyone in real life ever again that I was suicidal. So I am glad I have these older videos and suicide notes both on handwriting and one on my computer plus the graph of my decline in happiness/excitement for life so there are tons of evidence that my suicide wasn´t just "because of drugs" or that is wasn´t spontaneous I mean the date might be when I feel ready but the evidence clearly shows that I have thought it through for several years and I have been suicidal since I was 13/early 14 my parents just thought I was recovered when I was like 20 and I thought too since I didn´t show signs of depression like crying every day like I did when I had depression but what I was experiencing was the upcoming of apathy so I didn´t feel anything so in the beginning I thought I had recovered but I became more and more apathetic and anhedonic which made it easy to hide since I didn´t feel sad or any emotions and I swore to never tell I was still suicidal.