Anyone live life as if it were a punishment to be endured?

[Volatile]

That's how I view life. I think i'll live life with that perspective until I can't take one more bit of pain. Then i'll end it, and it'll be easy.

The problem is I'm often overwhelmed only to later fall asleep and wake the next morning renewed.

 

[FionaWR]

That's definitely one way to look at it. I fucked it up though.

 

[Kyrok]

Spot on. I regularly describe my life as a prison sentence. 25yrs to life. In 3yrs I can retire and return to Canada. My sentence is nearly over. If I survive that far, I'm looking forward to total simplicity with no more on my shoulders than taking care of a couple dogs.

 

[secondtimesthecharm]

That's my perspective right now. Every breath I take is my punishment for screwing up my life beyond repair, and for not executing my last attempt properly. When I finally plan perfectly and successfully CTB, I'll have earned an end to my punishment.

 

[not_a_robot]

I've always said it's a punishment but I self medicate a lot, so it's not as unbearable as it could be.

 

[Mr2005]

Yes but by accident not design. I respect those of you being honest it was all your own doing. It's harder to face than just making life out to be pointless from the beginning but it's also the right thing to do. If someone can't face reality I don't think they're of the maturity to be contemplating suicide. I don't deny it but I do distract from it. That's all life is for me now and I know it's going nowhere

 

[FionaWR]

Yes but by accident not design. I respect those of you being honest it was all your own doing. It's harder to face than just making life out to be pointless from the beginning but it's also the right thing to do. If someone can't face reality I don't think they're of the maturity to be contemplating suicide. I don't deny it but I do distract from it. That's all life is for me now and I know it's going nowhere

You made some good points there. I'm here if you need a chat
It's the mind that does you. When you lose control. Repetitive thoughts of depressing events. For me anyway.

The mind can be spent even if the body is not.

 

[Orin]

I've had these same thoughts.... maybe i AM being punished. If so i must have been one terrible mofo in a previous life. Heck, i don't even know if reincarnation is real, or if this is some sort of "punishment simulation" and part of the torture is not knowing if this is real or not.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm being punished for what I did in this life and like you say Fiona it's the inescapable nightmare going through my head 24/7 that's so unbearable. If I could just forget it would I be ok? Possibly. My potential has still been squandered but even that's just thoughts. I've set the past up to be something that would have been amazing had I just done one simple thing. Because I didn't I'll never know. However that's what ruins the present. It's hard to be objective about it. It's not great but it could be a lot worse I suppose. It's just accepting this is my lot and I'm very all or nothing

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

I understand you completely, and I have these exact thoughts myself. I feel like as I descend into my future, I will fall into more exhaustion and loss, whilst continuing on to try and show others the kindness and care I can, until it grows to be too much to be in this madhouse of a world. Perhaps it will all be for naught, but my heart will take solace in knowing that it could perhaps produce a beautiful smile or two.

 

[FionaWR]

I'm being punished for what I did in this life and like you say Fiona it's the inescapable nightmare going through my head 24/7 that's so unbearable. If I could just forget it would I be ok? Possibly. My potential has still been squandered but even that's just thoughts. I've set the past up to be something that would have been amazing had I just done one simple thing. Because I didn't I'll never know. However that's what ruins the present. It's hard to be objective about it. It's not great but it could be a lot worse I suppose. It's just accepting this is my lot and I'm very all or nothing

Like me you're an everything or nothing person. When there's a middle you just fall putt and stop caring. I'm not judging you but that's exactly how I amv. Have you been checked for bdp

 

[Mr2005]

No but I've been diagnosed Bdd and aspergers. I don't put much stock in what they say. Therapy is one of my regrets. Never needed it, did more harm than good. Going to therapy to deal with therapy feels counter productive. That's how much I've screwed myself

 

[FionaWR]

I never been to therapy

 

[Jean Améry]

If I understand it correctly that's exactly the view Buddhism takes: we are here on this earth because of bad karma and we need to get rid of it in order to attain Nirvana and be free of any type of existence once and for all. Plato once wrote that the body is a prison to the soul.

Judging by my own experiences and those of others here and in the world in general I think the world isn't the place of joy, opportunity and abundance it's made out to be. I don't know whether we actually existed before being born (which would be the logical assumption otherwise why would there be a punishment?) but to me life often does feel like a punishment yes.

 

[Soul]

I try to consider it something like a monster roller coaster or "house of horrors" with an "exit room" aspect built in. As in: In some previous state we chose to do this, probably just to experience some sensations, thrills & chills, existential nausea, blood-curdling screams, etc. When we get off we'll fall about laughing and panting and "let's go again".

o.0

 

[Shamana]

If I understand it correctly that's exactly the view Buddhism takes: we are here on this earth because of bad karma and we need to get rid of it in order to attain Nirvana and be free of any type of existence once and for all. Plato once wrote that the body is a prison to the soul.

Judging by my own experiences and those of others here and in the world in general I think the world isn't the place of joy, opportunity and abundance it's made out to be. I don't know whether we actually existed before being born (which would be the logical assumption otherwise why would there be a punishment?) but to me life often does feel like a punishment yes.

Being born a human being is not taught to be bad karma. It's one of the few rebirth where there is potential for liberation.

 

[Midnight]

Not really .. i was born by chance and got the body/mind i have by genetics. I took the cards i was dealt and gave it my best shot. Now i want out cause i truly hate myself and how life played out. My life may feel like punishment but i never believed nor will i believe it's some fixed game. It's all chance slightly modified by the decisions we and others took in life that's about it.

 

[Volatile]

Yes but by accident not design. I respect those of you being honest it was all your own doing. It's harder to face than just making life out to be pointless from the beginning but it's also the right thing to do. If someone can't face reality I don't think they're of the maturity to be contemplating suicide. I don't deny it but I do distract from it. That's all life is for me now and I know it's going nowhere

Your post confuses me.

 

[Soul]

I try to consider it something like a monster roller coaster or "house of horrors" with an "exit room" aspect built in. As in: In some previous state we chose to do this, probably just to experience some sensations, thrills & chills, existential nausea, blood-curdling screams, etc. When we get off we'll fall about laughing and panting and "let's go again".

o.0

I meant to add that with any luck the grown-ups will stop us from going again, take us home, give us supper and put us to bed.

 

[Severen]

Life is a punishment to be endured. A prison sentence in hell. It was never meant to be anything more than that. The only way to enjoy your time here once in awhile is to learn how to fight the creatures of hell so you can have peace once in awhile. And the only way to enjoy life is to become a creature of hell. OR smash your head against a wall until you are extremely stupid... This place is designed to accommodate the soulless, the wicked and the dumb. And even those people aren't entirely spared... I wouldn't be surprised if it serves as a crucible to separate certain beings from the rest... A test to judge people and their level of courage, their level of intelligence against NPCs who attack them or get in their way or deceive them into traps. Their capacity for love, their capacity for hate. What kind of dreams they have... Their potential in the universe. A test with only one way to win or pass etc...

 

[Mr2005]

Your post confuses me.

I have that effect on people, life can be lonely.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Well yes, because I'm being constantly tested. Chronic illness, savage mental health problems, endless disappointment, isolation, and debt. I feel awful 24/7, mentality and physically, and lately even emotionally which I figured wasn't going to happen anymore due to my chemical lobotomization through SSRIs/benzos. Turns out I still actually have feelings underneath all that, who knew.

 

[Severen]

I have that effect on people, life can be lonely.

You remind me of a talking cat.

 

[mathieu]

Yes, I definitely view life this way. The only part of the day I enjoy is falling asleep. I hate waking up in the morning, knowing I have a whole days worth of time to kill.