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Cookiedough8956

Wowzers
Feb 24, 2019
636
I feel I shouldn't have . If you've read a post I made earlier, I made a promise to my bf I'd look for help. But that's after I just bursted everything out to him. He didn't know. And now I feel like a dummy. I shouldn't have done that. Now he's saying things like, "I really want us to work, and if you don't get help, we are gonna crumble."
But part of me doesn't want help, I understand that my anxiety keeps me from going outside and spending time with him, and various other issues, but at the same time, I want to just die. I don't want the "problems" to fix cause then I'll lose the motivation to CTB. I'm so conflicted , Do I just lie to him that I am gonna attend sessions? Act like everything is better? He's very smart and would know that I'm lying. I really don't wanna leave him either. : (.
 
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Querry1

Querry1

life is unfair, ctb or get away
Aug 16, 2018
180
She doesn't know about my attempt nor that what I went through and I think some things should not be said
 
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21Neberg

21Neberg

Enlightened
Dec 17, 2018
1,624
She doesn't know about my attempt nor that what I went through and I think some things should not be said

I was in your shoes, but not exactly. I knew the relationship wasn't going to hold out forever because who would want to be with a piece of shit like me? So I kept personal shit like this to myself. In the end I don't regret keeping that from her since I would never ever want to risk someone telling others about my problems.

Anyways that's my experience. If you think your relationship has a chance still, it might be a good idea to give her a small bit of the truth. Maybe not tell her you want to die, but tell her you've been feeling quite down lately.
 
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Nitromask

Specialist
Feb 18, 2019
324
My wife has no idea that I plan to ctb and it would be completely unexpected
 
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Kim

Kim

Daydreamer
Sep 18, 2018
155
My boyfriend knows everything from me. He knows my method and I knows his.
I promise that I tell him when I CTB and he let me know if he... (Most of the time we have a long distance between us).

There are no lies between us and that's great :)
 
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silentsinger

silentsinger

Experienced
Mar 1, 2019
261
It is a tough decision to make. I think (and I could be wrong of course) that your love for this person says a lot. I don't want to say the wrong thing here and I apologise if I do. Maybe if your partner came with you if possible when u attend help of any kind, it may break down barriers and you could feel like you don't have to hide these feelings. he said he wanted you both to work too. It may even help you overcome the cbt feelings in the long run. I suppose it might be worth a try?
 
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Cookiedough8956

Wowzers
Feb 24, 2019
636
It is a tough decision to make. I think (and I could be wrong of course) that your love for this person says a lot. I don't want to say the wrong thing here and I apologise if I do. Maybe if your partner came with you if possible when u attend help of any kind, it may break down barriers and you could feel like you don't have to hide these feelings. he said he wanted you both to work too. It may even help you overcome the cbt feelings in the long run. I suppose it might be worth a try?

funny thing, he has actually mentioned coming along to help me. To put me at ease.

I have decided though, that I will go. I do love him a lot, and I don't want my depression and all these to push him away. It really made him happy I don't wanna take that way.
Iguess if all fails, I can always CTB..
 
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Cookiedough8956

Wowzers
Feb 24, 2019
636
My boyfriend knows everything from me. He knows my method and I knows his.
I promise that I tell him when I CTB and he let me know if he... (Most of the time we have a long distance between us).

There are no lies between us and that's great :)

Wow! That's unique hmm
 
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C

Cookiedough8956

Wowzers
Feb 24, 2019
636
My wife has no idea that I plan to ctb and it would be completely unexpected

ouch : /. If you were to tell her, she'd try to stop you so...I can understand why you wouldnt.
 
silentsinger

silentsinger

Experienced
Mar 1, 2019
261
funny thing, he has actually mentioned coming along to help me. To put me at ease.

I have decided though, that I will go. I do love him a lot, and I don't want my depression and all these to push him away. It really made him happy I don't wanna take that way.
Iguess if all fails, I can always CTB..
I'm really pleased you're going to try it, it's at least worth a try. Just take it step by step, it sounds as though he is a positive in your life and that he will be understanding of your decisions. Don't let anyone push you into anything that you aren't comfortable with though. Wishing you all the best.
 
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C

Cookiedough8956

Wowzers
Feb 24, 2019
636
I'm really pleased you're going to try it, it's at least worth a try. Just take it step by step, it sounds as though he is a positive in your life and that he will be understanding of your decisions. Don't let anyone push you into anything that you aren't comfortable with. Wishing you all the best.

He is very understanding, and thank you : )
I hope it all goes well too.
 
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L

lookingforward

Member
May 12, 2018
20
I don't know what to tell you what to do. But I empathize. I hide things as well, so people won't leave me, and further destabilize my life. I need a certain amount of stability in order to ctb responsibly as opposed to some impulsive thing. I *would* like the problems to resolve, but I've had an awful time with both therapists and psychiatrists, many failed medications and non-pharma treatments. Better luck would help. I personally could crawl out of the hole with a certain amount of money. But, I don't see it happening, and so I'm laying out plans that I may or may not act on. I just want it all in place if I need it.
 
Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
It's interesting that your profile page has so many comments from guys asking you to pm them (not faulting you). Even in death, my fellows still want to get laid lol. Suicide forums have become the new Facebook:))
 
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Dead_Inside

Dead_Inside

Wizard
Jul 2, 2018
622
I have been saving cash hidden at the house so I can buy a gun. It's my birthday soon and it's my present to myself. The couple people who know I tried to kill myself last spring think I am doing much better now. I have been lying to them. I started some new medicine that makes me bleed and bruise badly and he think the medicine is what causes me to look like this (it does kind of) but I am SH again. I don't want anyone to get in my way this time. Learned my lesson about making myself seem mildly ok.
 
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TheRiverStyz

TheRiverStyz

Yes, that’s a typo.
Jan 16, 2019
100
He had me involuntarily committed, so sorry not sorry, I'm not telling him anything anymore.
 
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AhG

AhG

La vie est tout sauf un rêve
Jan 24, 2019
313
Yes, I hid quite a few things from my wife, but it was only to protect her because I thought I had control of the situation, but in reality I didn't. I just let everything crumble. I'm not going to blame her though, because it was truthfully my fault, and that is something I'm willing to admit.
 
Norest4thewicked

Norest4thewicked

Losing it
Nov 4, 2018
270
Towards the break up of my marriage, I must have hidden everything from my wife. Money, drugs and other women. Practically my life!
 
First loss

First loss

Specialist
Jan 28, 2019
393
I don't have a loved one. Better that way though. I don't see the point anymore. I am unlovable.
 

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