Discussion Anyone here suicidal because they're unable to do what made them happy but can't due to an illness?

[happysunnydayy]

I was doing ok and had goals and things that made me happy or distracted me until I got brain injury that made me useless. I don't want to live now



I've always been interested in online work and freelancing etc and was working for someone and learning alot of cool shit (it was alot of fun) until I got struck with chronic migraines (most likely because of repeated brain injuries) which disabled me in a way. Now I'm I unable to do what makes me happy. :/ or gives me a purpose. Can't work or study. Anything triggers a migraine attack. Wanted to study abroad but can't do anything. Living a mundane boring life now. Aging. Wasting my potential. :(

 

[Worndown]

The causes vary, but life gave all of us a boot print on our butts.

 

[Rynalia]

I wanted to die happily, but the illness called life keeps getting in the way.

~~

On a serious note, thanks to my amazing childhood, I ended up in a situation where I can't live life at all. I'm stuck watching a let's play but all the wrong options are being selected right before my eyes.

Anything and everything sets me off and I spend more time dissociated than not. I missed years of my life by not being here, and I'll never get them back. Never had a chance to explore who I was and even now I can't seem to figure out who I am.

Everything feels wrong. Everything feels like a lie. I can't take even a step without being plagued with doubt. It's a nightmare that won't end.

I just want to be free.

 

[loser4ever4life]

I can't do what I want due to it just being a tough as fuck process (medical school admissions) with no room for error and it will take years away from you

Can't blame anyone but myself, despite any neurodivergence, all my actions have led me to this

 

[happysunnydayy]

I wanted to die happily, but the illness called life keeps getting in the way.

~~

On a serious note, thanks to my amazing childhood, I ended up in a situation where I can't live life at all. I'm stuck watching a let's play but all the wrong options are being selected right before my eyes.

Anything and everything sets me off and I spend more time dissociated than not. I missed years of my life by not being here, and I'll never get them back. Never had a chance to explore who I was and even now I can't seem to figure out who I am.

Everything feels wrong. Everything feels like a lie. I can't take even a step without being plagued with doubt. It's a nightmare that won't end.

I just want to be free.

What has happened in your life that makes you disassociate?

---




Oh not being able to go to your dream field (medical) is what that makes you suicidal? Medical is tough as hell, also my former dream. Takes away alot of years from you tho and makes you very old

I can't do what I want due to it just being a tough as fuck process (medical school admissions) with no room for error and it will take years away from you

Can't blame anyone but myself, despite any neurodivergence, all my actions have led me to this

 

[Rynalia]

What has happened in your life that makes you disassociate

Without going into too much detail, because just thinking about it just now already took the wind out of me-- a lot of abuse growing up.

Sorry, I can't be more detailed than that.

 

[soledad.virgen]

i wasn't always like "this," i developed neuropathy and then that made my bpd 1000000 times worse and now both are to the point where I can't pursue any of my interests and find my own happiness. it's really hard being like this, it feels like the universe just wants to make me suffer

 

[loser4ever4life]

Oh not being able to go to your dream field (medical) is what that makes you suicidal? Medical is tough as hell, also my former dream. Takes away alot of years from you tho and makes you very old

yeah, i was bright and determined once but depression has taken me down a path where I no longer enjoy anything and I fear its too late now, it takes years, relationships, and happy moments away from you. I was so close too, don't know how i will live with myself knowing I was this close

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I wouldn't call what happens to me an illness, but I've passed years with enormous difficulties to do the very few things that I find valuable, and this fact is the one moving me towards suicide. I find this utterly reasonable, if I can't do properly what I love (and was good at it in the past) and suffer considerable distress because of it almost in a daily basis, why the fucking hell should I continue living?

 

[happysunnydayy]

yeah, i was bright and determined once but depression has taken me down a path where I no longer enjoy anything and I fear its too late now, it takes years, relationships, and happy moments away from you. I was so close too, don't know how i will live with myself knowing I was this close

Why did you get depressed ? :(

 

[loser4ever4life]

Why did you get depressed ? :(

Don't know, it just happened, had a genetic predisposition for it I think and combined with a less than stellar home life, it just spiraled from there. It comes and goes, but when it comes my god does it hit like a truck

 

[divinemistress36]

Brain injuries are Hell