Anyone here laid it all out to their parents and told them that they screwed your life?

[Motoko]

Sometimes I feel like saying it all to my parents, especially to my mother. To tell her about the damage she did to the whole house. But it's very likely she will not get it, she will go immediately into defense mechanisms. I told her from time to time some stuff and it was always like that. So it's obvious it would end up same way if I told her about everything that she managed to broke from the whole beginning.

I even wrote a long message to her but I didn't send it, I saved it as draft. I'm afraid to send it to her. I think saying this in a private would be better.

I know it's stupid, but sometimes I wonder how she would react if I did a complete opposite and told her that I'm sorry for being the son that I am. Just to see her reaction.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

My parents wouldn't care, but if I told them and they died afterwards it would haunt me. So I wouldn't do that to myself.

 

[Malaria]

I tried to explain to my father that what he did to me as a child was traumatizing, but he refused to take responsibility. I can't ever explain it or try to show him just how much it fucked up my life because he's dead now.

I'm not sure if my mother is ready for her to accept that her behavior had traumatized me. I'm holding out hope we can patch things up one day, though.

My ex-stepdad is a lost cause imo, so explaining the trauma he caused me is a waste of time. He's the kind of guy who doesn't like to admit to being wrong about anything. But it'd be nice if he changed for the better.

 

[blueming]

I have thought about doing this for a very long time, planning out everything I would say to my family in my head to the last excruciating detail. Every bit of hurt I endured, every painful thing they inflicted upon me, things that are still ongoing. Like you, I've tried to confront them from time to time just to be met with anger and indifference and excuses. Only recently did I finally realise something - you can make someone see, you can steep them in the tea of their own actions, but you can't make them give a shit if they don't.

 

[nightlygem]

yes. I have told my mother that she fucked me up and the reason why I wanted to Ctb. all she said was "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" then proceeded to act like nothing happened.
I've cut off all contact with her.
I promise you, once you express those words to your family, you'll feel so much better. Whether it makes your life better or worse.. I cannot say. For me, it's made my life a bit easier.

 

[Unicr0n]

No. I don't want to see the reaction. I don't want to cause people any more pain through my existence even if they hurt me.

 

[sserafim]

I told my mom that I didn't ask to be born and she's the reason why I have to eventually become a slave to the system for the rest of my life, and she got super mad at me. She got so triggered lol

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometimes, I really want to. Especially when I feel like I'm being criticised for the way I am.

Like: You try growing up with a (suspected) narcissist. You try trusting and loving people when your own parents go along with their (obvious) lies about you- accusing you of awful stuff you (obviously) haven't done. If you couldn't/can't deal with a (suspected) narcissist as adults. If you feel impacted by what they have done to you now- imagine trying to cope with much worse than that every day as a 10 year old! You try losing your Mum at 3 and not being able to openly talk about her or grieve for her.

Don't get all disappointed in me because I lack confidence, because I'm afraid of people, because I still keep crying about my Mum as a 44 year old, because I can't be as strong as you. Children are in some part a reflection of their upbringing. If they aren't stable, it's possibly because their upbringing wasn't. Don't expect them to be stronger than you!

Yes, sometimes I'm tempted to say stuff but ultimately, that time's gone. The damage is done. It can't be undone. Plus, my Dad isn't a bad person by any means. I don't want to hurt him and, it would be needlessly hurting him. I definitely get more confrontational now though. He gets kind of annoyed if I cry but I think it's so harmful to stop people expressing emotions and grief so now, I just get irritated back.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, telling an asian parent that they're wrong is like convincing KFC that chicken is bad for their company

 

[J&L383]

I wish I had said something to my mother before she died (91), at least it may have helped closure for me, although I'm not sure if she would have had any sort of apology (she seemed incapable of that).

My father died much younger (59) and he actually recognized some of the shortcomings without me bringing it up. I was sort of hoping my mother would get around to figuring this out on her own, but she never did.

 

[loser404badjoke]

They neglected me my whole life. It's pointless to bring it up. My father becomes aggressive. He starts to threaten to throw me out, guilt-trip me by bringing up all he has done for me like giving me food and a roof over my head and generally plays the victim. It's funny, really.

My mother becomes dismissive and defensive. "I never blamed my parents for my shortcomings", "You aren't the only who had to suffer", etc.

 

[Forveleth]

I'm conflicted about this. Technically, my parents actually raised me pretty well but there were small things they did that just set me up for failure and left me with some mental health problems for life. I think they would use this against me if I ever tried to bring it up to them. They would just say "We did the best we could" or "We did what we needed to do as good parents" or some argument to invalidate my arguments. This is how they treated me as a teen, just invalidating everything I say (my dad literally once told me "that's not how you really feel") instead of talking through shit and taking me seriously.

So, I would love to do it but it would 100% turn out worse for me if I did.

 

[justcallmeJ]

I keep telling my mom what she did to me but im getting the same responses like "i tried my best" and "you are exaggerating"

 

[WhenTheyCry]

My parents aren't evil, they're incompetent. Also if you're a dependent living with your parents you have to compromise with them. I would like to be independent living in my own house, but I'm too mentally disabled to hold a job. It can't be helped

 

[OCDsufferer]

Sometimes I feel like saying it all to my parents, especially to my mother. To tell her about the damage she did to the whole house. But it's very likely she will not get it, she will go immediately into defense mechanisms. I told her from time to time some stuff and it was always like that. So it's obvious it would end up same way if I told her about everything that she managed to broke from the whole beginning.

I even wrote a long message to her but I didn't send it, I saved it as draft. I'm afraid to send it to her. I think saying this in a private would be better.

I know it's stupid, but sometimes I wonder how she would react if I did a complete opposite and told her that I'm sorry for being the son that I am. Just to see her reaction.

I have tried doing it. By implying things here and there but my parents just threaten to throw me out and/or hit me. They care too much about how they are viewed and having a mentally ill child is too much.

 

[xinino]

No, they have intellectual disabilities that prevent them from discerning my arguments.

 

[madasco]

Yes, and despite some initial empathy and acknowledging that
"we have done it (parenting) terribly", mum brushes it off as if it I am making excuses for my life situation and blaming others but me. She doesn't grasp that all the child neglect and abuse marks you for life (does it not?)