Anyone here just wait for death and rot in bed all day trying to find the courage to do it ?

[Soylent]

Used to be very active be since my life turn a 180 degree because of health condition I just wait for death. Hygiene, getting food, having a nice shower and all : I don't care. When I'm not at work, I stay in bed, with anxiety through the roof and I can't sleep. I use alcohol and meds to keep me « sane » despite the fact that it's shit. I never drink or take meds before … but right now it's the only thinks that make my « waiting room » stay longer and longer. Without that or if my jumping site where closer (500km) and without law problems with the local police I would have succeed since my first attempt in August.

How to find the strength ? Do I need to make my life more miserable than it is to find it ? Quite my work ? Stop talking to friend and family ? Stop taking meds and drink alcohol ? Maybe that would put in a such de separate mood that I will find the strength. Maybe I need to become a real Asshole that every one told me to quit because they are fed up of my shit.

I don't know. It's been again a day of no activity, no sleep, just booze and meds. I have slept 3 hours thanks of them but I can't keep doing that, tmr I have to work and If my stomach is bad I might shit myself and that's a no no of course …

Sorry for the rant and my langage. I feel the need to say the hard true here, not the BS I told everyone.

 

[ThisUnrest]

Sorry youre having such a difficult time.

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

Im completely with you... This is so horrible... I just don't have a job on top so yeah... More time to don't know how to end everything.... Without making it even worse...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yeah, I'm the same. One of the reasons why I can't kill myself is also the reason why I can't make a life for myself. I just don't have any energy to

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. Well "law problems with the local police" are not a hindrance not to CTB immediately, actually they'd be solved immediately, they could try to sue a corpse! Jokes aside ...

I don't know what you really can do to get "done" with it. Is ur personal situation really that bad / hopeless / desperate?

 

[new2blue]

The only thing stopping me really is that I am still trying to iron out the details. Method, location, people who I will hurt by leaving. I am sorry you are suffering. People don't realise how important a good night's sleep can be. I'd love if sleep were garunteed, not dependant on whether or not you are feeling relaxed. I hope you find peace. I can sense the pain in your words. I too am stuck in a waiting room. I hope one day our name is called.