Anyone here ever have to rebuild their lives? ™️

[Sleeper System]

After being on here for awhile, I've noticed that most of the users I encounter now are of the younger generation. Students and young adults stressing out about their lives before it's even started and some of the older generation giving them the best advice and prospective that they can muster.

I relate to that whole heartedly because I've been up and down with the sickness since I was an adolescent so I understand all of that very well. However, as someone in their mid 30s now, I just stress about maintaining what little I have in life and dreading the passing of people I feel I have a duty to stick around for.

So I wonder if anyone here was ever completely knocked down and had to start over. Like losing a job or your home after having worked for it and given life a genuine try. I want to know what happened and how things turned out even if its bad.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

After being on here for awhile, I've noticed that most of the users I encounter now are of the younger generation. Students and young adults stressing out about their lives before it's even started and some of the older generation giving them the best advice and prospective that they can muster.

I relate to that whole heartedly because I've been up and down with the sickness since I was an adolescent so I understand all of that very well. However, as someone in their mid 30s now, I just stress about maintaining what little I have in life and dreading the passing of people I feel I have a duty to stick around for.

So I wonder if anyone here was ever completely knocked down and had to start over. Like losing a job or your home after having worked for it and given life a genuine try. I want to know what happened and how things turned out even if its bad.

When I was 19 I thought I had everything: I had just learnt how to drive, was dating my high-school crush, and had just been admitted to my country's best university. Fast forward four years and I had blown my car's engine, got kicked off a relatively successful website I'd co-founded, hated my bachelor's, and my girlfriend broke up with me. I felt at my absolute lowest, but I had a lot of support so I thought, hey, I'll get through this, it'll get better. I started over with everything that mattered to me, thinking working hard and trying new things would improve my life.

Now I'm 32. I have a different car, but it's been parked 5 months with a broken gearbox; I finished a master's that didn't help my career at all; and my second girlfriend broke up with me. I spent these last 9 years going in circles. I managed to live some amazing experiences during those 9 years, met great people, collected some hard to believe anecdotes, but I'm really right where I started. Just tired. Hopeless. Broken. I tried as hard as I could to make my amateur racing dreams work, for eight years, I opened my heart to someone after a lot of opportunities that only ended in heartbreak, I traveled halfway across the world to live by myself and study a (supposedly) reputable program.

It's all for fucking nothing. I'm just cursed. I don't want to heal, I don't want to try again, I don't want to rebuild again just to see everything go up in smoke.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I've rebuild my life so many time, now I'm by society means, "stable." I've graduated college and working. I was adopted at a young age and I simply have no identity. My biological mother and sister have died years ago, and my adopted family, I have no desire to every see them again. I've tried to ctb several times and it doesn't work. I simply have no desire to live in this world alone. There are no pleasures in life for me, I stay in my home and go out only when necessary. I mostly cry alone. I work just to pay bills and I've learned to just act like everyone else, it doesn't matter complaining anymore. I'm just waiting to die.
I wish I could say life gets better. I wish I could tell so many young people on here to keep trying and it will pay off, but I can't and I won't.
If you have to rebuild, rebuild. That's all I can say. I have no advice because the truth is, I can't help myself. But I guarantee you, you are not alone. Life for me, has been nothing like they tell us. My last wish is that mines will be over soon, I'm so tired.

 

[Sleeper System]

When I was 19 I thought I had everything: I had just learnt how to drive, was dating my high-school crush, and had just been admitted to my country's best university. Fast forward four years and I had blown my car's engine, got kicked off a relatively successful website I'd co-founded, hated my bachelor's, and my girlfriend broke up with me. I felt at my absolute lowest, but I had a lot of support so I thought, hey, I'll get through this, it'll get better. I started over with everything that mattered to me, thinking working hard and trying new things would improve my life.

Now I'm 32. I have a different car, but it's been parked 5 months with a broken gearbox; I finished a master's that didn't help my career at all; and my second girlfriend broke up with me. I spent these last 9 years going in circles. I managed to live some amazing experiences during those 9 years, met great people, collected some hard to believe anecdotes, but I'm really right where I started. Just tired. Hopeless. Broken. I tried as hard as I could to make my amateur racing dreams work, for eight years, I opened my heart to someone after a lot of opportunities that only ended in heartbreak, I traveled halfway across the world to live by myself and study a (supposedly) reputable program.

It's all for fucking nothing. I'm just cursed. I don't want to heal, I don't want to try again, I don't want to rebuild again just to see everything go up in smoke.

Thanks for replying. I was worried it might be too late in the evening for anyone to see it. It happens to my posts alot.

The pleasant memories and the lived experiences that you've had make for a decent silver lining. You gave it a shot and things might not have worked out like you planned but you have moments where you were happy and that's something.

I've never felt like I had everything. I always felt behind.
The best memories I have are all the instances I spent wasting my time with friends when I should have been focusing on making something of myself. I think back on it and even though I had fun and cherish those memories to a degree... Ultimately... I lost touch with all those people and it has not effected my life in the least. I have sonm many regrets. All of my trauma came from growing up poor and as an adult I'm doing better then those time but I'm still not where I should be. All it takes is one thing to go wrong and my life collapses. That's how fragile a balance act it is.

And yet I'm still trying. As hard and annoying as it is. I'm trying. and that's all any of us can do when we're so in our own heads.

Meh. The future is scary.

I've rebuild my life so many time, now I'm by society means, "stable." I've graduated college and working. I was adopted at a young age and I simply have no identity. My biological mother and sister have died years ago, and my adopted family, I have no desire to every see them again. I've tried to ctb several times and it doesn't work. I simply have no desire to live in this world alone. There are no pleasures in life for me, I stay in my home and go out only when necessary. I mostly cry alone. I work just to pay bills and I've learned to just act like everyone else, it doesn't matter complaining anymore. I'm just waiting to die.
I wish I could say life gets better. I wish I could tell so many young people on here to keep trying and it will pay off, but I can't and I won't.
If you have to rebuild, rebuild. That's all I can say. I have no advice because the truth is, I can't help myself. But I guarantee you, you are not alone. Life for me, has been nothing like they tell us. My last wish is that mines will be over soon, I'm so tired.

I feel the same. I just work to sustain myself. I hate people. I have a small circle of like minded friends that I text with and meet up on occasion but that's it. Just work to pay bills and go straight home and into bed to watch shows/movies.

I have blood relatives but I don't speak to them really. I kind of feel I have no identity either because I'm so different from them and can't connect. Family is no guarantee of identity.

I remember watching shows where the fat overweight guy gets off work and comes into an empty home and sits on his sofa chair wearing a white tank top and boxers and sitting infront of the TV with a microwave dinner looking miserable.
I remember thinking wow what a loser. Well, the joke is on me. Because that's the reality of my life and I don't see it ever changing.

Yup. Rebuild and do what you have to do. I came from nothing and have built the smallest little something and I feel like I'm waiting for everything to go to shit. And that's why I want to hear other people's experience. Thank you.

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, constantly and it's bullshit. People also come to USA just to play that game, so can't really recommend it, stay out, we're full and it's haunted anyway and all that.

 

[anonym167]

I'm in my 30s and I am currently having to rebuild my entire existence. Not in a physical way, but mentally. I've realized the love I let in my life is incredibly unhealthy and self sacrificing in most situations. It's been the root of most of my problems. Just being a doormat and saying, I do it out of love instead of setting boundaries and having a little self-respect. It's definitely not a journey I want. It's also a journey that was born out of trauma and abuse so it feels like I'm repairing something I didn't choose to break.

 

[Withered]

I lost literally everything besides my mom, my clothes, and this computer. Not exaggerating. For the people that can rebuild their lives, I'm very happy for them and they might even be more joyful than in their previous life. But I have been knocked down so far and so thoroughly that I do not even have an opportunity for restoration.

 

[butimstillsoblue]

Please note this is grossly oversimplified… I'm in my 40s. Childhood was abusive. Lost my whole family of origin due to their homophobia.

Rebuilt my life - partner and her family became my family. As well as a couple of beloved friends.

Partner of 8 years left me after I was diagnosed with a life long medical condition. Nobody in her family said goodbye.

Here I am a couple of years later, still utterly devastated. Alone. Fighting depression, anxiety and c-ptsd. I don't have any fight left in me to start over again. I want out.