Discussion Anyone find eating quite strange?

[MeltingHeart]

I don't mean as in an eating disorder kind of way- I had them when I was younger but pretty much grew out them and learned to love food & enjoyed cooking a lot. But since I have a strong desire to ctb, it feels like such a weird thing to be doing- to carry out one of the most fundamental human needs in order to survive- and yet of course I know it would not be a realistic way or nice way to ctb- to starve - would obvs take a very long time/ painful/ more likely to be hospitalised wayyyy before I could- also at the end of the day I do still feel hunger & eating is a very short lived distraction from my thoughts- yet it feels like an such an odd thing to do now - to be feeding my body- even though I want to die- that and also nothing even tastes good now - as I have lost pleasure in all activities - it's a horrible feeling- just to be feeding my body- for what feels like no good reason at all, same with the thought of exercise or doing anything like that- prob why I dont mind chain smoking now-where I had previously almost given up & was quite a healthy person.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I feel the same about food. Eating is almost an annoyance and it also breaks my heart to realize how much I don't enjoy it anymore. I guess it shows to some kind the seriousness of not wanting to be here anymore.
I've trying indulging in sweets but not even that could bring me some satisfaction :(
As to exercise, also used to do a lot. Now can't see the point of dragging myself to the gym.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I feel the same about food. Eating is almost an annoyance and it also breaks my heart to realize how much I don't enjoy it anymore. I guess it shows to some kind the seriousness of not wanting to be here anymore.
I've trying indulging in sweets but not even that could bring me some satisfaction :(
As to exercise, also used to do a lot. Now can't see the point of dragging myself to the gym.

I find it heartbreaking to, I'm being askedwhat I 'fancy' having for dinner- usually I'd have an idea or a craving or whatever - now of course I don't care & then to be asked if it's nice or tasty or whatever- not only is quite humiliating to be spoken to like I'm a child due to state I'm in- but also it sad think -no I didn't really enjoy that meal. Eating should be a joyful/ pleasurable activity, but nope.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I find it heartbreaking to, I'm being what I 'fancy' having for dinner- usually I'd have an idea or a craving or whatever - know of course I don't care & then to be asked if it's nice or tasty or whatever- not only is quite humiliating to be spoken to like I'm a child due to state I'm in- but also it sad think -no I didn't really enjoy that meal. Eating should be a joyful/ pleasurable activity, but nope.

I can so relate to that. And if I'm asked so what are we going to eat I just think like god damn whatever cause it doesn't really matter, I'm not gonna enjoy it anyway :( but then ofc I have to put a happy face and try to think of something.
And also people worrying if I'm eating enough, I just think please leave me alone, I don't want to eat more and it doesn't seem like anything more fits in if I try to eat it!

 

[Life sucks]

Its very strange. I eat to enjoy and keep my body. If I stop, I get problems. Recently I don't feel hungry or full probably because of mental state but I eat to prevent problems of not eating. Starving is bad and I tried it previously and it hurt me. It looks contradictory but a body with energy is better to ctb or live than without energy.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Its very strange. I eat to enjoy and keep my body. If I stop, I get problems. Recently I don't feel hungry or full probably because of mental state but I eat to prevent problems of not eating. Starving is bad and I tried it previously and it hurt me. It looks contradictory but a body with energy is better to ctb or live than without energy.

I guess so. Just so hard as it makes me so sad to do something I used to enjoy & now can't - also kinda feel like in very self destructive mode- just to make myself feel as bad as possible to drive me on the ctb - it's a stupid logic and doesn't work- clearly! :/

 

[YukiFox]

I have a similar conception. I can't enjoy sex, I don't take drugs (prescription or illegal), I like alcohol but still have self control with it, BUT food is my problem . I'm overweight by 14 kg / 30 lbs and that triggered a lot my anxiety and body dysphoria.
I tried to reduce the portions and avoid junk foods but it's hard to me . Surely, I enjoy eating, but at the same time I think I'm kinda slave of that. At one opportunity I lunch with some co-workers and I wanted to yell at the plate I ordered, pay my bill and run. My problem with eating is that my stomach hurts when I eat less than usual and I always search something to shut up my belly, as cookies, popcorn or instant ramen.
Surely, I enjoy eating but at the same time I want to achieve some technique or spiritual regime to avoid eating as possible.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Yup. I swear food food even started tasting weird to me since the beginning of the last depressive episode which started from the end of high school until now.
It feels weird and kind of...uncomfortable? That's the closest way to describe the feeling.

 

[charlottewilts]

i relate. it's just chew-chew-chew. doesn't matter what i'm eating, really, since everything tastes the same. i much prefer smoking or vaping. i only eat so my stomach doesn't rumble.

 

[Edward1]

I still enjoy my meals. It is pretty much my one area of solice.

 

[justanotherday]

I do not eat much anymore, because I no longer enjoy eating. I find no pleasure in it anymore, so I just eat just enough to survive . It sucks that we humans have to eat. I find it all degrading... being stuck in a " human" body that has to be fed and kept clean, ect....

 

[Moonicide]

I either eat too much or too little depending on my mood swings... I've been emotionally eating and it makes me feel disgusted with myself lately. Today I woke up wanting to starve myself, because I deserved it. I deserved the pain of starvation. I hate the fact my body needs food and I hate the fact I have such an unhealthy relationship with it.

 

[Asta]

Hard to enjoy food when you only have two bottom teeth left for chewing; but that's what a person gets for hanging around this world for 77 years, simply because you don't want to hurt someone or leave him behind! Coulda/shoulda flown the coop long ago!!

 

[Mizzmini45]

I still enjoy my meals. It is pretty much my one area of solice.

I wish I felt that way. When I eat I feel like im making a choice to continue living and that makes me mad. it's a weird way of thinking

Hard to enjoy food when you only have two bottom teeth left for chewing; but that's what a person gets for hanging around this world for 77 years, simply because you don't want to hurt someone or leave him behind! Coulda/shoulda flown the coop long ago!!

Oh god this is so scary. I can't see staying around that long

 

[lowres]

Honestly I love cooking food because im good at it but putting in the effort to cook and eat is a struggle and i usually dont eat my first meal until like 1:00 or until the hunger pangs become unbearable, i'd rather just stay focused on what im doing like artsy stuff or playing video games. I could and have gone days without eating but i try not to repress the pangs because not eating can cause unhealthy weight gain and im already fat.