anyone feel like they've wasted their best years?

[dunnowhatelse]

it feels like i woke up one day and realised i've made no real connections, experiences and hid away for all of my formative years, and that stuff gets so much harder once you're out of those years. feels like there's no hope for me to live the life i want

 

[jodes2]

I've wasted my life. I'm 41 and have nothing to show for it

 

[Life_and_Death]

no. of course unless theres a line between physically capable vs not, i just feel like i wasted years in general. for as long as i can do things theyre just years to me. they couldn't have been the "best" years of my life if they were the shittest. but they certainly do feel like wasted time in my life

 

[hamvil]

Yes, but the best days of my life were supposed to be now in my 40. I have spent all my life studying and working up to this point and fucked up everything when I've got all my dreams realised.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

One way to look at it, out of many. Doesn't seem like a very good one either (in terms of explanatory power or efficaciousness).

 

[Topacio]

Every day

 

[je.suis.prêt]

Yes. I know I can still be considered relatively young, but I will turn 24 in a few months and I feel like I have not enjoyed my younger years or set myself up for success in future. I don't feel like I've got anything going for me, and I don't know what to do. The space that I take up would be better used by someone else :/

 

[Meineendscheidung]

42 hab mein Leben auch verschwendet, ich Ertrag mich selbst nicht, ein paar Wochen noch....

Jeden Tag

Genau, jeder verdammter Tag, jede Minute immer und permanent.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I

it feels like i woke up one day and realised i've made no real connections, experiences and hid away for all of my formative years, and that stuff gets so much harder once you're out of those years. feels like there's no hope for me to live the life i want

I just know that I can't have a life like a normal person so I think it's not the past that's making me think it's the future that things which aren't in my control are also there so it's likely to be going to be a waste. I am just spending my time weak(emotionally and physically both).

 

[Lily (Osako)]

Absolutely. Married a marine, dedicated my life to his career. After he retired, he left me for another woman and I have nothing. I hardly worked from moving around so much, so I have a huge gap in my resume. I'm 49 years old. No one wants to hire me now.
I could have done so much with my life but I gave it to him and he screwed me over.

 

[hamvil]

Absolutely. Married a marine, dedicated my life to his career. After he retired, he left me for another woman and I have nothing. I hardly worked from moving around so much, so I have a huge gap in my resume. I'm 49 years old. No one wants to hire me now.
I could have done so much with my life but I gave it to him and he screwed me over.

This is more a cultural curiosity. In my country in a case like this the husband is supposed to pay alimony to the wifi. Is it different in yours?

 

[theboy]

In my opinion, there is no such thing as "best years". It's just a concept that has been normalized or forced to believe that because we are young, we should have a good time.

 

[Dead Ghost]

Yes, but at the same time I know I couldn't have done it any other way. It is now, at 44 years old, that I am perhaps more ready to do all the things that I was supposed to have done when I was young but for which I did not show any kind of interest. Interest that has awakened me now, precisely now that I am in a situation of physical and mental wear and tear that prevents me from enjoying what I love most.

The problem is that at my age, and without any previous experience in anything other than work and study, it becomes very difficult to want to do according to what things, since you are as if out of sync with the people around you... and you can't ask the people around you to please make the effort to act like we're still in our teens and learning how to relate.
Many things are taken for granted and I am very lost.
I find it very difficult to find the balance of it all and throwing yourself into the pool without knowing how to swim and hoping to learn on the go is very risky and too easy for it to go wrong.. and yet it doesn't I have no choice but to do it, throw myself into it and try to learn as I go while being careful not to drown. It's very distressing.

But I think I need to quickly learn how to do these things and stop regretting having lost the opportunity to do it in easier times, because now is when the opportunity and the desire to do it presents itself.
In reality, there is nothing left for me and I have nothing to lose to take a risk, because in truth I am only stopped by fear, pure fear. But if I do nothing I have a lot to lose, my life after all, and I don't feel like it.

//

Si, però alhora se que no ho podía haber fet d'una altre manera. Es ara, amb 44 anys, que potser estic més preparat per fer tot allò que se suposa que hauría d'haver fet quan era jove però pel que no vaig mostrar cap tipus d'interés. Interés que se m'ha despertat ara, precisament ara que estic en una situació de desgast físic i mental que m'impedeix gaudir d'allò que mes m'estimo.

El problema es que a la meva edat, i sense cap tipus d'experiència previa en res més que treballar i estudiar, es fa molt difícil voler fer segons quines coses, ja que estàs com desincronitzat amb la gent del teu voltant... i no pots demanar a la gent del teu voltant que si us plau faci l'esforç de fer com si encara fossim a l'adolescència i estiguessim aprenent a relacionar-nos.
Es donen moltes coses per sabudes i jo vaig molt perdut.
Se'm fa molt difícil trobar l'equilibri de tot plegat i llençar-te a la piscina sense saber nadar amb l'esperança d'aprendre sobre la marxa es molt arriscat i massa fàcil de que surti malament.. i així i tot no tinc més remei que fer-ho, llençar-m'hi de ple i intentar aprendre sobre la marxa mentre's miro de no ofegar-me. És molt angoixant.

Però crec que necessito aprendre depressa a fer aquestes coses i deixar de lamentar-me per haver perdut l'oportunitat de fer-ho en époques més fàcils, doncs es ara quan s'em presenta la oportunitat i el desig de fer-ho.
En realitat ja no em queda rés i no tinc res a perdre per arriscar-me, doncs en veritat només m'atura la por, la pura por. Però si no faig res si que tinc molt a perdre, la meva vida al cap i a la fí, i no em dona la gana.

 

[Celerity]

Physically yes, but even if everything went the way I wanted it to, I would still not have a ton of money. You also learn a lot in your 20s. It's an awkward time. Your priorities are often ill-informed, you make stupid goals as a result, and because you don't have much life experience, you're likely to fuck those up anyway. It's a wonder to me that anyone does well in their 20s except through sheer, dumb luck.

I hope my 30s and 40s are better.

 

[Hollowman]

I don't feel like I wasted them I definitely did. Wish I would've ctb when I was 12. That was almost 36 years ago. My life is shit I need to get out of here.

 

[Zegers]

I feel stuck at 12 +-

 

[Rounded Apathy]

In my opinion, there is no such thing as "best years". It's just a concept that has been normalized or forced to believe that because we are young, we should have a good time.

This. No one can really know what their best years are till they're on death's door anyway. There are years we can see as having most theoretical or actual potential, and we can waste that, though "waste" would probably need some unpacking.

I feel like I very much lived several very full years, but that they were cut short due to continued losses of physical then mental wellness, relationships, straight up options to do shit (covid) and so on. But what will happen tomorrow? God only knows.

 

[freedompass]

In my opinion, there is no such thing as "best years". It's just a concept that has been normalized or forced to believe that because we are young, we should have a good time.

Agreed. There's absolutely no way my 20's were my 'best years'. They can be extremely turbulent. Don't buy into this bs.

 

[Funeralprincess]

it feels like i woke up one day and realised i've made no real connections, experiences and hid away for all of my formative years, and that stuff gets so much harder once you're out of those years. feels like there's no hope for me to live the life i want

There is no hope essentially. When you're past those years, you are pretty much living just to exist
Well I knew my 20s were my best years. I used those years responsibly and got everything: the perfect man, job, etc and then I developed bipolar which took it all away from me… I lost everything but I knew I had to be smart while young and not believe this notion that getting older would still mean endless opportunity because it doesn't. I lost it all because of a disease out of my control so that just makes it worse. It's worse when you know to use your young years properly, do it, then develop a sickness and lose it all.

When your prime years are wasted, you essentially will love a life of misery and mediocrity. Those who try to say being older still gives you lots of opportunity are just trying to make people feel better.

 

[summers]

In my opinion, there is no such thing as "best years". It's just a concept that has been normalized or forced to believe that because we are young, we should have a good time.

There absolutely are best years. This is not some subjective measure. There is a period in your life where you will be at your physical and mental peak. Those are your best years. Probably for most people early 20s-early 30s.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

My "best years" are coming up and I think mine will go to waste soon.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

This is more a cultural curiosity. In my country in a case like this the husband is supposed to pay alimony to the wifi. Is it different in yours?

This is more a cultural curiosity. In my country in a case like this the husband is supposed to pay alimony to the wifi. Is it different in yours?

We do get alimony, but it differs from state to state. In more conservative states, the alimony is not that much.
Definitely can't live on it.

 

[theboy]

This. No one can really know what their best years are till they're on death's door anyway. There are years we can see as having most theoretical or actual potential, and we can waste that, though "waste" would probably need some unpacking.

I feel like I very much lived several very full years, but that they were cut short due to continued losses of physical then mental wellness, relationships, straight up options to do shit (covid) and so on. But what will happen tomorrow? God only knows.

yes, fucking covid...Those full years you spent were in your so called "best years"?

There absolutely are best years. This is not some subjective measure. There is a period in your life where you will be at your physical and mental peak. Those are your best years. Probably for most people early 20s-early 30s.

Well, yes, but in the human biological and physiological sense.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

All of mine were wasted for me sadly. They were mostly horrendous experiences for me. I was born in the wrong era too, I should've been born later. I hope at least there's an afterlife or something to make this all worth it.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

yes, fucking covid...Those full years you spent were in your so called "best years"?

A bit over half of my 26th year was what I consider the peak of my life up to this point. I was seriously living. Actively living the goal I'd had my whole life till then, and doing all the cool stuff that came with it, anticipated and pleasant surprises both. Sure there were less good days, but on the whole I was concretely aware of how much I was enjoying life and being alive. Unlike when I was younger when things were, compared to now, pretty damn good but I felt like the shit parts of life were really getting in the way.

Not to say life before that was bad for me, on the whole. For the most part, despite some home life shit, my childhood was pretty solid. Things got complicated once I started to have unrequited romantic feelings in adolescence though, which persisted for years. But it's funny - looking back, that was suck a huge detractor from my well being, but it would be a total non-issue to current me. Even in high school I had lots of friends I spent good amounts of time with, had fun, hobbies, liked doing stuff, whatever. I don't know if current me would be happy if I time travelled back but I sure do think I had nothing to complain about, compared to now.

It's funny though...the hardest thing someone's ever been through is just that - the hardest thing they have ever been through. I couldn't even have conceived of the problems and state I now currently live. It wouldn't have made me any more happy knowing what would be waiting one day. Maybe it wouldn't have even made things worse? Direct experience is so crucial to our conceptualization of reality. Part of why I think such atrocities can continue in the world unchecked; those with the greatest potential to help solve them are absolutely removed from the reality.

 

[freedompass]

There absolutely are best years. This is not some subjective measure. There is a period in your life where you will be at your physical and mental peak. Those are your best years. Probably for most people early 20s-early 30s.

Ok. It's 'objective truth'. Despite not being my or many others' experience. What is even meant by 'best' here? Most enjoyable? Healthiest, most energetic, the years when you supposedly establish yourself in a career/relationship, is that 'best'? Is it about the 'success' you feel you 'should' have had? If it is then sorry, I misunderstood and took the statement at face value.

Also. If, like me, you had quite a horrible and chaotic time in your 20's, does that mean you 'wasted' your 'best years'? I left home at 18, travelled, went to Uni, explored different lifestyles, worked a variety of jobs so I could never say wasted. Mental health was bad tho and back then there isn't the awareness there is now. I didn't realise I was bipolar or any of that shit.

Perhaps some of you blame yourselves for stuff that you can't control. I honestly don't know. This 'wasting my best years' is something I see a lot online. I just don't see it that way.

 

[summers]

Well, yes, but in the human biological and physiological sense.

This. Maybe the term "best" is too subjective and vague. I meant physical and mental peak.

Ok. It's 'objective truth'. Despite not being my or many others' experience. What is even meant by 'best' here? Most enjoyable? Healthiest, most energetic, the years when you supposedly establish yourself in a career/relationship, is that 'best'? Is it about the 'success' you feel you 'should' have had? If it is then sorry, I misunderstood and took the statement at face value.

I think I meant it more as there is a period in your life where your mental and physical potential are at their highest. This is simply biology. Not using this period to max what you will achieve in life is a waste. Trying to do it later is basically handicapping yourself.

Also. If, like me, you had quite a horrible and chaotic time in your 20's, does that mean you 'wasted' your 'best years'? I left home at 18, travelled, went to Uni, explored different lifestyles, worked a variety of jobs so I could never say wasted. Mental health was bad tho and back then there isn't the awareness there is now. I didn't realise I was bipolar or any of that shit.

I wouldn't say my 20s were horrible or chaotic - more that I had my priorities mixed up and that I made some poor choices. I was definitely of the work hard not smart mindset. Luckily, I saw the error of my ways, but too late in life. And for the past several years, I have been playing catch up.

 

[Arrow]

For the most part I'd say that the most opportunity filled times of my life were spent not actually realizing those opportunities and just sort of letting them float by, so yeah, I guess the important years were wasted. I still got a lot done that I'm proud of but those things most likely will not make up for the blundered time and chances. Things are going to get a lot harder because of that but I think I'll be able to take it.
edit for context: i'm 20

 

[Sardonia]

Yeah I feel that a lot, but on the other hand, I see a lot of older "normies" who are happy and seem satisfied with life, so I guess age isn't everything.

 

[lofticries]

Yes, which is why I'm not trying to waste anymore. If I can at least get a decent paying job, move out, and travel a bit then I will at least feel some sort of fulfillment. Friendships and relationships are unfortunately out of the question since my mind is so warped that I think everyone secretly hates me.