Discussion Anyone feel euphoric at the idea of being so close to cbt'ing?

[ForgiveMeFriends]

Strange question, right? Considering that more than not that the majority of this community has anhedonia, but anyone feel so much joy from passive or active ideation? It's strange, it's not as pure as true joy, isn't it?

And to add another question onto the pile, anyone else wanna die while in a state of happiness? Like, the weather could be immaculate, and my first thought wouldn't be 'Huh, maybe I should live for this.'

It'd be a heartfelt "What a good day to die!"

I'd like to pair my death with a little joy, but so be it if my day of atonement doesn't, it'll be alright.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

No, for me the final stages of CTB have been exhausting and trying more than anything. It's taken a lot of time to get my method nailed down and that hasn't always gone smoothly. Now I've decided to get benzos and I have to wait several days longer for them to be shipped, then another day to test. When the day to CTB comes I'll have to go check in to the hotel to die in some unfamiliar room away from the comforts of home. I'm nervous about the experience of dying, and of the possibility of failure.

The chance of me dying in happiness is zero, I expect to feel anxiety on some level, hopefully just not too bad. I feel nothing close to euphoria about CTB, it's the last thing on Earth I wanted to happen but my life is too miserable to keep living.

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

Yes, there's a phase of euphoria, but I think it doesn't happen when you're truly near the end - maybe when you finally decide to CTB and realize that you can do it at anytime. Common feelings near the end tend to be anxiety (panic, to be accurate) and relief.

 

[TheHolySword]

No, it just makes me sad

 

[kitchenwindow197]

I feel relief, the only thing i am worried about now is what comes after. Im at peace with my decision and know that whatever happens i have a way out- its a great feeling.

 

[failedmind]

Sometimes. But mostly I just feel sad. I'm sad that I'm going to hurt my family, and I'm sad that my life has been so fucked up that ctb is the only way I will ever feel happy or free. (I've tried everything)

 

[areyousafe??]

I felt happy, and relieved, when I came to the decision to ctb. A sense of calm came over me. Happy that things were finally drawing to a close, happy that I finally made up my mind after months of being torn as to whether to ctb or not. Now that there are only a couple of weeks left, I feel slightly anxious.

 

[DoneWithThisLife]

I just feel really sad because I will be leaving my wonderful husband. I may be a bit odd but I don't actually want to die so I'm a bit scared too. If my sister had done the right thing and not stolen the life savings from 2 pensioners, forcing them to sell their home to survive, I would never have taken this path. I took out 2 life insurance policies a year ago and hope this will help my husband keep the home we have lived in for 30+ years. I only have 5 days left and I'm actually very scared if I'm honest.

 

[Eudaimonic]

I feel relieved, but anxious about failing the attempt and the discomfort, and sad that it will hurt my loved ones

 

[G000pie]

I do. I finally have the thing that can end my suffering at my fingertips, and I have full control over when I'm ready to put the lights out. At this point I'm just tying up some loose ends... my family will be ashamed of me for being so weak but they are already so what's it matter?

I honestly think having a peaceful means to an end makes me appriciate life more because every day I continue to breathe I do it of my own choice.

Both the idea of having a choice and also the idea of no more PMDD, no more panic attacks, no more sleepless nights, no more suffering is euphoric as hell for me.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

yes. me commiting suicide is the most rational act by an octilion times more than any other act i could do. #2 drop down to septillion in importance level of tasks is working to decide on one plan one method and getting that plan method as reliable as i can get. #3. other goals like trying to sleep well which does help me work and execute my ctb and quitting addictions like youtube help my suicide because frees up my time and i can think better when i get better sleep and have more discipline . #4 garbage like eating food working a job chores grocereis washing clothes cleaning fixing everything trying to fix problems i just have to do because i haven't killed myself yet and not doing them would make things much worse for me i don't want to do any of that shit and i hate most of that shit i don;t want to deal with problems sickness suffering work chores hate that #5 totally meaninless illogical addictions like youtube social media moviies videos media news etc are what have kept me from working on getting my suicide plan ready to go i hate these addictions and want to quit them .