It actually really is amazing! My throat is sore this morning though, my windpipe. I don't know how much damage I may do to it practicing. I know I should stop now I know what I'm doing but I probably won't. Part of me wants to normalise the feeling to avoid panic when it's time the other part just wants to do it, maybe as a form of self harm? I'm reckless and self destructive by nature but have never felt this much power over my own mortality. It feels good.
My throat gets sore too. It still doesn't keep me from doing it. Although I wait a couple days inbetween. And I try different things too, like taking an excess amount of medication to see if it numbs my panic response and things like compressing my carotid with different things too see what'll put the best pressure on my neck, etc.
I agree it's probably a self harm thing. Part of me likes the pain the next day because it's reassuring. But I'm prone to self harm tendencies. I cut, and have been cutting most of my life. I know it's a bad thing to do, but I can't keep myself from self harming. It sickens me. But I guess I'm prone to self harm since I'm on the bus already.
Hopefully feeling this "power" is a good thing for us. Seeing as how it let's us know we have control, in a sense, over our own lives. That's something we've never felt before. It's something that relieves our senses, knowing that we can succeed in our adventures.
I hope you're doing good today. The little things in life are all we have to look forward to. Like knowing we have control over our own lives with the knowledge we have perfected our methods. Just know I love you. I understand you. And I support you.
