It's so funny that I came across this thread tonight. I haven't drank liquor for over a year and haven't visited this site since... Oh, December 2020 or January? I really thought the ketamine was helping.
But due to waaaay too much drama to share rn, i ended up having an old fashioned and losing my shit tonight. My "friend", as always, made me feel worse and scolded me instead of helping. So i just got home after a very, very long and drunk walk in the middle of a large, dangerous city (I'm a small town girl, no idea wtf I'm doing).
Tonight I learned to trust no one, that I am completely alone and by myself. Even my beloved family, the one thing that previously held me back, cannot be trusted.
I hope i keep the resolution to CTB tomorrow. Thing is, i have no SN (stupidly threw out my stash while moving last month). So idk how the fuck I'm gonna do this. When I was younger i planned hanging but I don't want to risk brain damage if I'm 'saved'.
Anyway, this is the only community that ever got me and I guess no matter how hard I try, i cant stay away. Can I please get a welcome back? I know that's so narcissistic to ask but at this point I just want to belong ~somewhere~.
I mean, I have no friends and my family is now in shambles. Perfect time to CTB.