Venting Anyone else waste their youth and want to ctb because of it?

[Deutsch]

i remember in middle School and high school i would just sit around all day and had to deal with depression/anxiety... i would have no self confidence to talk and be social... early college i was still not confident but at least improved my looks and became a decent looking guy... i feel old now, college is over, the days of high school are long gone, and now that i have self confidence, i want nothing but to act like a high schooler... and I'M IN MY FUCKING 30s!!! I've never experienced being social, I've never had a group of friends that i could just go out with, steal beers, socialize with girls, have fun, nothing. and it's fucking mundane. i don't know how the fuck I'm still alive, video games really - if those didn't exist i wouldn't be able to deal with the emptiness. the reason why i say all this is because i saw the intro of "that 70s show" and saw all these things i missed out on (lol don't have a job still living with my parents at fucking 31 because i'm a dumbass and fucked up college)

 

[Deutsch]

oh and im on lexapro (its a ssri) so i don't feel shit

 

[Mr2004]

I think we're the same person

 

[overkill]

that is me, too. I don't have friends. I watch other people enjoy life, go on travels, go jogging, go swimming. I ask them to be my friends, but they are not interested.

 

[Deutsch]

well, i guess it can't be that terrible if there are others like us...

 

[raskolnikov]

You depicted me very well lol

To add more, I'm almost 40 now. Because nothing changed from when I was 30.

 

[Mr2004]

Look where we found each other

 

[raskolnikov]

well, i guess it can't be that terrible if there are others like us...

Yeah, but ask why they're on this site '^_^

 

[skitliv]

Yes, one of my many reasons

 

[Deutsch]

yeah, you two are right. it fucking sucks

 

[akosineenee]

I guess it's a contributing factor. I used to have a bright future ahead of me, in a societal context, when I was younger. Nowadays people look at me with such disappointment (relatives, friends, colleagues, old professors, even my fucking neighbours man!!!) like I failed them in some way or another.

 

[user90872]

I'm playing video games or watching anime literally all the time and I don't consider myself wasting time. I recently started playing modded Minecraft and there is so much of content and so many complex mechanics. You need to put a tremendous effort and lots of thought to figure everything out. Besides that, both games and anime can contain or express real human emotions and ideals. They're as valuable as poetry or novels. I really hate when narrow-minded people assume that video games and TV series are just some lowly ways to kill your time. On the other hand, meeting other people is always so glorified. You know, I had this group of friends. Even though we'd hang out quite often, they were never close to me, but I didn't realize it at first. One of them would often make stupid jokes about my acne, the other would talk so patronizingly about "my farming game". (I was really hooked on Stardew Valley back then.) I don't talk to them anymore and that was a very wise move indeed.

 

[FadedMemory]

Among the other reasons, yes. I've wasted my high school years either by studying or having panic attacks. Accidentally pushed away anyone who might have cared.
Never got to do all those adventorous things such as celebrating birthdays with friends, exploring abandoned places or going on road trips.

 

[SnowyDreams]

I feel that we are actually the same person. I never accomplished anything, I didn't graduate college, I never had a stable job even if I try to apply for as many jobs as I can. I'm burdened with stupid illnesses that make daily life awful but they're not even deadly. I've been in and out of depression for ten years, only to start on a downward spiral four years ago. I am so worthless and a waste of air honestly. Still living with my mom at 27 and it's a nightmare, I know I am a disappointment and a burden even if she tells me I'm not but I see she's fed up already. I wasted all my time in nothings and they weren't even worth it lol

 

[Samuel]

I'm in the same boat as you guys. I'm 25 and live with my parents. I use video games and YouTube to occupy myself most of the time. I have no hope for my future. I'm literally just waiting to die. The doctor gave me lexapro as well but I stopped taking it because i couldn't sit still. I'm a pathetic fucking loser. Every day I wake up and my first thoughts are "shit this nightmare is real". I try to smoke as much weed as I can afford. I don't work. I'm home all day. I could go on but I'll stop here.