They've done so much for me growing up, and I feel like they don't deserve to have their hard work and purpose destroyed under their nose like that. Sometimes I wish I just didn't exist, that I don't have to go through the process of dying so I won't hurt them. Anyone else feel the same?
Sonnenblume
Sunflower Panda
- Apr 6, 2018
- 574
No one signs up for this life, their parents force them into it without consent. There's nothing to feel guilty about imo
I understand, but I also feel some sense of guilt because of how much time they've spent with me and that they actually care. And I think that I shouldn't feel this way with all their care but I still do. After they go however, I have nothing holding me back.
JSRF
Student
- May 30, 2018
- 134
Parents never gave a shit about me, so this is one of my smallest worries
Tiredman
Rest is best
- Apr 30, 2018
- 228
In the same boat. I'm their one and only kid and I know they'd be completely broken when I finally ctb but my only other choice is to suffer for years from illness and injury. It's a hard choice.
The only thing about I could feel bad is about can't see their faces when they find my corpse lying in the ground. That faces should be memorable.
And no, I won't feel guilt, they deserve it.
And no, I won't feel guilt, they deserve it.
mothfly
dancing in the sunshower, baby
- Mar 20, 2018
- 21
Yeah, in my case it's grandparents I keep living for... My parents are actually the ones who made me like this........
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El Topo
(---)
- Apr 21, 2018
- 477
Yeah, I know it sounds fucked up, but I sort of wish my parents would die so I wouldn't have to deal with that guilt.
Yeah I wish I wasn't born so there'd be no pain to deal with my suicide. I've thought about it a lot, I'm sure it will hurt them in ways I can't imagine. It sounds cold but.. I know I'm being selfish in going through with it. I won't be able to see them sad when I'm gone. So I admit I'm an asshole for it. I've wrote in my note not to blame themselves and I simply don't want to live and I don't blame them at all. I hope it helps.
I do love my family, so I may wait on ctb until my parents and grandmother are gone from this world.
The last thing I wanna do is hurt them, but I'm in emotional pain too and it can be unbearable.
I wish there wasn't a stigma attached to suicide. I wish suicide was viewed as noteworthy as an old person dying of natural causes.
The last thing I wanna do is hurt them, but I'm in emotional pain too and it can be unbearable.
I wish there wasn't a stigma attached to suicide. I wish suicide was viewed as noteworthy as an old person dying of natural causes.
Basically only reason I haven't ctb yet is guilt
That's 100% me! Whenever my parents go out on a long trip I spend the whole time fantacizing about thier car accident or airplane. If that actually happened It would feel like winning a lotto.
FullFat
^best order at Micky-D's ever
- Apr 27, 2018
- 374
My problem exactly. Aside from the normal fearf of death, guilt and obligation are what keep me life.
Yes. After a conversation with my Mother about this, she threatened that she would do something to herself if i ctb.
I don't really know how to deal with so much guilt. Maybe I should just end it as fast as possible and stop thinking about her.
I don't really know how to deal with so much guilt. Maybe I should just end it as fast as possible and stop thinking about her.
Quality of Living
Meh.
- Jun 6, 2018
- 3
Not in the least.
Echoing what some others have said, I didn't ask to be brought into this life. Ergo, I feel it is somewhat poetic that I am now imbued with the ability to end my life as I please.
Echoing what some others have said, I didn't ask to be brought into this life. Ergo, I feel it is somewhat poetic that I am now imbued with the ability to end my life as I please.
El Topo
(---)
- Apr 21, 2018
- 477
Oh god, I know exactly what you mean. I live with my parents due to health issues, and whenever they go out, part of me fantasizes about them dying in a car accident or terrorist attack or something. When it gets really late at night and they still haven't come home, I start getting excited because I think maybe it happened this time, and then when I hear the garage door opening, I feel disappointed.
Ugh, I hate admitting it because I do still care about them.
Kira
Same stuff, different day
- Apr 27, 2018
- 130
I don't want to hurt my parents, or anyone for that matter, but they wouldn't stop me from doing it. The only person that could really hold me back is my brother.
I kind of want my parents to have to deal with the result of their utter failures. That's abusive and crazy, I know. My time probably won't come within their lifetimes, but we will see. But if it happens within my mom's lifetime, part of me doesn't want to cause her anymore pain than she already lives in, part of me says she should have to clean up the body
Kogoruhn
Student
- May 20, 2018
- 109
This is my problem as well. My parents went through 10+ years of ever worsening perma-crisis with me. Obviously they couldn't help me but it breaks my heart to think about the consequences of me ctb. No matter what I do, it was all for nothing and I wish I had done it earlier. My parents will turn 70 in 2 years. Sometimes I thought I would wait until they are dead but I just can't live like this any more
FullFat
^best order at Micky-D's ever
- Apr 27, 2018
- 374
Perma-crisis - I like this term! I feel like batshit crazy has become the new normal for many of us here. I remember the good ol' days when I thought I had a chance. LOL
accidentaldeath
Student
- May 29, 2018
- 107
Same problem here. Some of you blame your parents for giving you life. At least in my case, they gave me the best life they could, and they both did a great job, for me they are the best parents in the world. I have a great relationship with them. So the main problem for me to be still here is that if I commit suicide and it looks like a suicide they won't ever overcome with it.
AveryConure
Some idiot
- May 11, 2018
- 437
I've thought about it cause I honestly don't hate my family and think they honestly tried to give me a decent life, but I'd be dead and won't see their reaction and life has to go on and they'll eventually get over it.
If it'll help any when I write my suicide note I'll have to say none of this was their fault nothing they could do etc. but like everyone else said I didn't really want to be here in the first place anyways.
If it'll help any when I write my suicide note I'll have to say none of this was their fault nothing they could do etc. but like everyone else said I didn't really want to be here in the first place anyways.
Yes, and I've cried many times thinking about how badly my mother would be hurting. She's been through a lot and I know she loves me more than anything. She once told me she couldn't live without me, and I am so sorry for not being strong enough for her.
seppuku404
Member
- Sep 14, 2024
- 8
I feel you, my parents had me kinda late so I hopefully won't have to wait for long, then I'll sell everything and travel around the world until I ran out of money and ctb.
po1sentree
ᠭᠤᠨᠢᠭᠲᠠᠢ
- Sep 14, 2024
- 63
I want to end the pain, but I stay alive for my mom. She has already gone through so much, and I don't want to cause her further pain. At the same time, the constant struggle and the thought of finally finding peace pull at my heart. This constant internal conflict is exhausting and draining. I can't help but wonder if, in the end, it might be a kindness to let go, leaving her to grieve but hopefully find some relief as well.
render
Member
- Sep 3, 2024
- 43
im an only child and my parents did so much for me gave up so much for me, yknow how it is with immigrant parents, and when i came back home from the ward my dad told me he started crying because he saw a christmas card i wrote for him as a baby. i feel bad killing myself now but also if he knew how i really am i think he'd care less. god what a shitty investment i was huh
it sucks to make a decision like this one, weighing the consequences of our decisions. although they shouldn't really matter since we're actually gone completely when they discover our bodies, we still seem to care a lot. i just wish that you be able to do whatever's most peaceful to you.
i for one don't even know if my reasons to end things are big enough so as to compete with my parents finding me ded.
Moniker
Member
- Nov 1, 2023
- 62
My dad died somewhat recently, so I'd feel really bad about leaving my mom with two losses back to back. I hated my dad and I don't care for my mom, but it still feels wrong for me to subject someone to that.
