Discussion Anyone else struggle to be sympathetic most of the time?

[m4rius]

For instance in this forum, there's many sad threads that receive sympathetic replies from users who seem to have genuinely absorbed the thread's content... I sometimes wonder how people are capable of expressing sympathies routinely even when they themselves are struggling...

Not only that, but when I do reply and attempt to sympathise, I seem to have a tendency to include myself in it even if it's unprompted, which is a concerning self-reflection. It seems like I'm only interested in talking about other people's problems if I can also self-insert and sort of connect that way, rather than to simply sympathise and not mention my own woes at all or needlessly mention solutions...

To give some context: besides my low-level depression, I also have ADHD, which causes me to skim through things impatiently rather than sit down and truly read and absorb the content. But even when I do take my time, I still don't feel compelled to express sympathy — I just wanna get straight to the point and discuss solutions.

I feel like expressing sympathies is a waste of time, even though I immediately know I disagree with myself — obviously there's value in sympathizing. I'm just impatient and emotionally numb; I want to discuss solutions and nothing else.

I guess it just comes down to numbness, but I doubt it. Even in my happiest and most emotional days, I have a hard time to just.. sympathise.

 

[Irisse]

Yes, I do struggle with it also. I feel, even in this post, that I always make everything about myself. I really do wish to offer words of support but I often feel that it will come out wrong or I already see that someone else's post summarized what I wanted to say much better. As for sympathy and empathy, I guess I'm still able to put myself in others' shoes but I feel like I'm way too judgemental of a person to empathize with everyone. Not to make excuses for myself but I literally got bullied for being nice (there were probably other reasons but this is a hundred percent one of them) so I am careful who I sympathise with.

I don't think you should blame yourself, though. Maybe you also went through trauma and it left you with that numbness. You also mentioned that you have ADHD, which obviously plays a part in your concentration and immersion in a forum post which expresses suffering. I think you definitely have it in you, as if you truly didn't feel sympathy/empathy, it wouldn't even occur to you to write this post.

 

[princexhhn]

I can relate. Most times I just… don't care. I can't get myself to care even if I tried. I just pretend to care, I do what I see other people doing, but I don't actually care. It doesn't strike any emotion to me, doesn't make me feel anything at all.

 

[Lady_V]

Empathy can be gained with age. I worry about the younger people here a lot. Worried about the big decisions they are making w/o their brains fully capable of understanding long-term repercussions.
In my teens and early early 20s I truly didn't care about much and could stomach some dark shit, not anymore. I truly do wish the best for people and wish they weren't here.

 

[heywey]

I feel similar. When someone's struggling I would like to offer support, just to say something so they know they've been heard, but it never comes naturally. I've written out a lot of responses here on SaSu I never posted because they just felt empty.

I think, at least for me, even when I really empathize with someone, it doesn't feel like there's anything else to say. Like, in this thread: I read what you've all written, I think you conveyed your experiences in a way I can understand and relate to. But now what? I could talk about my own experiences, or share advice if I had any, but if what you say seems valid as-is then it's hard to see either a reason or way to validate it further.

It's easier face-to-face than in a forum, at least. Nonverbal sympathy can just mean being present which is nice.