I've been using meth and cocaine for the past 2 years and I pushed away so many people away because of it. I use drugs to cope with intense loneliness and depression I have a terrible support system. Honestly if it weren't for drugs i would've been gone by now. I really regret starting it has ruined my apperance, worsened my depression and anxiety and lost friends because of it. I wish I had an loving enviroment because then I'd consider going sober but there's no point anymore, the damage is done.
You are not alone. I didn't get hooked on meth or coke but have tried both got scared and stopped soon enough before it became a habit, however I did get hooked longterm to ADD meds and marajuana. The ADD drugs only take longer to mess u up but are the same thing as meth or coke. I never misused them but they still did the same damage to me as u describe and I'm once again in the process of attempting to give up it up permanently. I'm like 4 days sober off of the stimulant meds and a couple days off thc.
The only thing I can tell u that can work to help u stop is begin to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings. You don't have to stop right away but just start going to the meetings. It's not impossible for u to recover or beat this but u will need a support system and a sponsor to help u stay on track. These drugs will make u not able to see yourself in an accurate light so don't judge how u are feeling right now. Your mental state is not an accurate view of reality, because your brain chemicals are all messed up right now.There is also cocaine anonymous meetings in some cities.
The only thing I can tell u that can work to help u stop is begin to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings. You don't have to stop right away but just start going to the meetings. It's not impossible for u to recover or beat this but u will need a support system and a sponsor to help u stay on track. These drugs will make u not able to see yourself in an accurate light so don't judge how u are feeling right now. Your mental state is not an accurate view of reality, because your brain chemicals are all messed up right now.There is also cocaine anonymous meetings in some cities.
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I threw my entire adult life down the toilet like this.
It's been almost 30 years now. I had a full on Heroin habit for 20 years. Even though I maintained a job of some kind for most of this time,it had to be subsidised by dealing. Obviously,if you do this stuff for long enough,you're almost bound to get caught. I ended up with a 2 1/2 year prison sentence,which is the only reason it didn't kill me,I'm sure.
I put in my time on the stimulants. Speed was more of a thing back then than coke (in this country anyway). I quite enjoyed my dexidrine,although the gov decided it would become non-addictive and impossible to sell if they stopped prescribing pills and only issued linctus(government people thinking).Then there's all the party drugs like MDMA, acid,etc. I've always loved my psychadelics so along with the good old acid blotters and microdots,there was DMT and mushrooms. A lot of people regard Ketamine as a party drug,but you can't take real,fresh Ketamine and go out to a party.It needs to be stored as liquid and only cooked up as is needed. The moment it starts to cool,it begins to lose potency. If you buy powder,it is weak and essentially a waste of your money. Freshly cooked,it's a great experience.
Then there's what I consider the "run of the mill everyday" drugs. Weed or hash (which we farmed too),benzos (clonazepam,Diazepam,alprazolam,Lorazepam,Midazolam,Nitrazepam and Temazepam).
What started out as very recreational use,became an everyday routine when family problems literally broke me. I cried non stop night and day and the only way I could cope was by blocking it out.Of course,it was good fun. But an opiate habit is anything but fun. After a short while,you don't even get high. You just use so you don't get dope sick. As long as I had a steady supply,none of my employers or family knew I was using. It was only if I became ill from withdrawal that anyone suspected anything. That's always struck me as somewhat ironic.
The general drug treatment available to most users in this country follows a protocol that basically just parks you on methadone. Methadone is far harder than Heroin to quit. It allows you to live a semi normal life (you are still tethered to your liquid handcuffs) but you still crave. It was only when I went to prison that I found a doctor that trusted me. I had decided to use my time in prison to get clean. That is very much a choice,as drugs are easy enough to get in prison. The doctor took me off methadone and gave me a fentanyl patch. Now that stopped the craving. I would still dream about it every night and wake up thinking about it every day. But I wasn't sick. That alone was a great feeling.
It's been 8 years now since I was released. I'm no angel but I'm not hooked. I go through better times and worse,but that is more about my mental state at the moment. It was the hopelessness of my addiction that brought me to ASH (the predecessor of SS).
But I am a junkie. I will always be a junkie. My life was one of a junkie and has been totally wasted. In fact,it's just been one big blur. One day merges into the next. The same desperation everyday.Of course,I have nobody to blame but myself. Nobody held a gun to my head and made me do it. I hate myself for it. Which just adds to the problem. I deserve to be hated. I am a piece of junkie scum.
It's been almost 30 years now. I had a full on Heroin habit for 20 years. Even though I maintained a job of some kind for most of this time,it had to be subsidised by dealing. Obviously,if you do this stuff for long enough,you're almost bound to get caught. I ended up with a 2 1/2 year prison sentence,which is the only reason it didn't kill me,I'm sure.
I put in my time on the stimulants. Speed was more of a thing back then than coke (in this country anyway). I quite enjoyed my dexidrine,although the gov decided it would become non-addictive and impossible to sell if they stopped prescribing pills and only issued linctus(government people thinking).Then there's all the party drugs like MDMA, acid,etc. I've always loved my psychadelics so along with the good old acid blotters and microdots,there was DMT and mushrooms. A lot of people regard Ketamine as a party drug,but you can't take real,fresh Ketamine and go out to a party.It needs to be stored as liquid and only cooked up as is needed. The moment it starts to cool,it begins to lose potency. If you buy powder,it is weak and essentially a waste of your money. Freshly cooked,it's a great experience.
Then there's what I consider the "run of the mill everyday" drugs. Weed or hash (which we farmed too),benzos (clonazepam,Diazepam,alprazolam,Lorazepam,Midazolam,Nitrazepam and Temazepam).
What started out as very recreational use,became an everyday routine when family problems literally broke me. I cried non stop night and day and the only way I could cope was by blocking it out.Of course,it was good fun. But an opiate habit is anything but fun. After a short while,you don't even get high. You just use so you don't get dope sick. As long as I had a steady supply,none of my employers or family knew I was using. It was only if I became ill from withdrawal that anyone suspected anything. That's always struck me as somewhat ironic.
The general drug treatment available to most users in this country follows a protocol that basically just parks you on methadone. Methadone is far harder than Heroin to quit. It allows you to live a semi normal life (you are still tethered to your liquid handcuffs) but you still crave. It was only when I went to prison that I found a doctor that trusted me. I had decided to use my time in prison to get clean. That is very much a choice,as drugs are easy enough to get in prison. The doctor took me off methadone and gave me a fentanyl patch. Now that stopped the craving. I would still dream about it every night and wake up thinking about it every day. But I wasn't sick. That alone was a great feeling.
It's been 8 years now since I was released. I'm no angel but I'm not hooked. I go through better times and worse,but that is more about my mental state at the moment. It was the hopelessness of my addiction that brought me to ASH (the predecessor of SS).
But I am a junkie. I will always be a junkie. My life was one of a junkie and has been totally wasted. In fact,it's just been one big blur. One day merges into the next. The same desperation everyday.Of course,I have nobody to blame but myself. Nobody held a gun to my head and made me do it. I hate myself for it. Which just adds to the problem. I deserve to be hated. I am a piece of junkie scum.
your pathologist
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Sep 5, 2018
- 519
Antidepressants have damaged my memory, ability to process, ability to talk straight most the time, connect with people, hold a job, sleep...
And in the wake of this ive wasted nearly 3 years...
If i dont get a hold of this soon it will undo me...
And in the wake of this ive wasted nearly 3 years...
If i dont get a hold of this soon it will undo me...
terry_a_davis
Warlock
- Dec 28, 2019
- 707
Drugs have been at the core of my worst and best times of my life, mdma mainly. I wish i'd have been more clued up about the dangers, may be I wouldn't have became addicted. Even though i had some amazing times, considering the damage drugs eventually did, i'd rather i never took them in the first place.
It's not too late op, you're still breathing. Sobriety gets more bearable once you get past the withdrawals and with the passage of time.
It's not too late op, you're still breathing. Sobriety gets more bearable once you get past the withdrawals and with the passage of time.
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
I spent most of my early-to-mid 20s doing any drug I could get my hands on - nothing hard like crack/heroin, but copious amounts of mdma, ketamine, coke, speed, mephedrone, shrooms etc. At the time it was the best time of my life, but I do wonder how much it's affected my mental health - guess I'll never truly know...
terry_a_davis
Warlock
- Dec 28, 2019
- 707
Drugs really are a double edged sword aren't they.
Do you have any mental health issues? If you don't think you have any then you probably got away with it. As you're on here I'm guessing you're having some problems (sorry, I haven't looked through your post history)?
I have crippling social phobia, and the depression that stems from that. Chances are I might have had the same issues even without the drugs, but who knows at this point.
I also have the worst short term memory, which again may or may not be drug related.
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xBrialesana
Become Dust With Me, My Love.
- Dec 17, 2019
- 552
(There's much more than this as to why ctb!)
But prescription drugs. My whack ass doctor put me on 3 Xanax a day, 2 Ambien, and Adderall all day when I was fucking 11. He created a pill addict (while I was too young to know). I'm now 25 and suffering to Xanax's evil clutches. It's put me in the hospital because withdrawal is so bad (missing one day, seizures ect)
I slowly have been getting off Ambien using weed but it's all hell.
But prescription drugs. My whack ass doctor put me on 3 Xanax a day, 2 Ambien, and Adderall all day when I was fucking 11. He created a pill addict (while I was too young to know). I'm now 25 and suffering to Xanax's evil clutches. It's put me in the hospital because withdrawal is so bad (missing one day, seizures ect)
I slowly have been getting off Ambien using weed but it's all hell.
Conker
Specialist
- Oct 22, 2019
- 351
Largely ruined due to both parents & their drug addictions. Even second-hand drug exposure can be very destructive, especially those whom are most unfortunate and pop out with deformities and/or lifelong disabilities caused by it.
To be an addict is proof that they never had any true love for their offspring. You can care or at least pretend to without ever actually feeling any love for them.
To be an addict is proof that they never had any true love for their offspring. You can care or at least pretend to without ever actually feeling any love for them.
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SuiSqueeze92
Self Saboteur
- Jan 15, 2020
- 479
I know your struggle all too well. Had a similar experience but with 2mg Xanax and 2mg Klonopin BID. Tapering off of them was hard as shit and almost had a stroke at one point. Anyone seeing this and doesn't know... don't go cold turkey on benzos. The stroke though was the VA's fault by assuming I showed up seeking drugs, but was there tapering off the drugs daily.
xBrialesana
Become Dust With Me, My Love.
- Dec 17, 2019
- 552
Ugh it's a nightmare I'm sorry you dealt with that! Also the VA doesn't seem to give a crap about people; it's really sad.
It's awful because my tolerance is ridiculous I don't even get anxiety relief I just take my dose to not get seizures!
Edit: also sucks because it's so highly abused they treat you like shit if you're on an abusabme substance.
Drugs? No.
I had other addictions tho, pushed away some friends because of it, also started to have anger issues wich created more loneliness to me. Now most of my time I can't even remember or think rationally to how I got here, cant think like I used to.
I had other addictions tho, pushed away some friends because of it, also started to have anger issues wich created more loneliness to me. Now most of my time I can't even remember or think rationally to how I got here, cant think like I used to.
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