It's a fucking awful way to live. If I lose this place, which I probably will, I won't be able to afford to go somewhere else. Being on disability for mental issues makes it harder to find a place. People are so discriminatory. There's no way out of living like this in my case unless I spontaneously recover from my ocd, which isn't going to happen. This wasn't supposed to be my life.
I hope you don't lose your place. I lost mine because the crazy ex roommate called the cops every week saying I was hostile, harassing, doing illegal drugs but after the police talked to me they told her to leave me alone and to not call them for no reason. This happened for about five weeks when she came in recording ke and got ontop of my bed and became confrontational. I was so scared I told my friend whom I was talking to when it happened to call the police. Fortunately it was the same police that came before and he suggested i file a report. This crazy witch also did not give me my mail so I have expired ID and as if to justify what she did and that I gave her bruised she goes on and texts to my references. She said I was crazy. I did nothing wrong. This all happened because I followed her rules of letting her know a day in advance when I'm having guests over, introduce them to her and no overnight guests. She told me I needed to move out the night I moved in and after she cashed my check. Now I'm homeless, my stuff will be auctioned off, and I'm about to CTB. Unless some miracle happens I need to do it by end of the month. I've given my advocate and case manager plenty of time. They said it would take six months. I've been working with them since January. That's why I endured the verbal abuse of getting laughed at and ridiculed and even threatened by the doctors at the hospital. But they took their sweet time and submitted the day before the deadline and more stalling thereafter. All while I'm hanging off a cliff hanging onto a thread, they can only say "you've been incredibly patient". What the actual f**k!! The person I'm staying with will be evicting me at the end of the month so I get to be out in the cold. Also this person triggers me in more than one way, anxiety, OCD and mysophobia. I can't go to a shelter because I'm already scared of people, not just the ex roommate but I've been assaulted and harassed and to put the cherry on top, I was roommates with this one old woman who was going to be released to a shelter. During our stay she told me she would punch me and knock the f out of me. Reason? Over a bed light. MY bed light. And it was still only 10pm.
So yeah it's really difficult and i hope you can find any possible to stay where you are. I've been diagnosed with severe OCD, MDD, GAD, panic disorder, emotion dysregulatio , PTSD, trauma, BPD, mild OCPD, AGORAPHOBIA, MYSOPHOBIA and I experience pain in my eyes due to ulcer, double vision, blindspots, TMJ and feet. I have insomnia and experience depersonalization so it's hard to trust my eyes, my memory, myself. I hope you don't end up like me not having anywhere to go. I can't even go to a respite center.
Yea I'm really reluctant to do this. It's absolute hell having to live with roommates and sometimes it can be a real nightmare. The worst part is if u get stuck in a bad roommate situation it's not like u can just get out immediately. There's not endless supply of single occupancy affordable housing. The only thing you can find is more roommate situations because now it's gotten difficult to afford a place by yourself. Yea this will become worse as the gov continues to meddle in the market and restrict the building of cheap housing. It's pretty sadistic.
Also because the currency is not stable and the central banks constantly devalue the paper money your money continues to be worth less and u have to work harder because it's losing purchasing power. In California people have to live in tent encampments and diseases that were long eradicated are coming back because of the terrible sanitary conditions. This will eventually be all over the US because at some point the cost of living will be too high for most people everywhere.
Also because the currency is not stable and the central banks constantly devalue the paper money your money continues to be worth less and u have to work harder because it's losing purchasing power. In California people have to live in tent encampments and diseases that were long eradicated are coming back because of the terrible sanitary conditions. This will eventually be all over the US because at some point the cost of living will be too high for most people everywhere.
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I'm sorry that happened. That would push me to suicide really fast.
Also, I'm afraid of people too. I hardly leave my room at the house I'm staying in. God forbid I say the wrong thing around anyone or i'll get booted possibly.
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Whitewash11235814
Experienced
- Oct 21, 2019
- 207
Is OCD the cause of ur depression? What are the symptoms if u don't mind me asking.
I think I have a little bit of OCD myself but not a severe case at all.
I think I have a little bit of OCD myself but not a severe case at all.
My ocd makes the depression worse. Ocd isn't my only mental health issue.
My two main ocd problems are contamination and checking. Constant checking makes working at even basic jobs impossible.
Those are mine as well. Mainly checking, I have a fear of making mistakes, forgetting things, dropping and losing things. And then contamination fear. I spent seven hours a few days ago just checking the area i sleep in and all was for nothing in a matter of seconds that same night. I also used to use Lysol wipes on my body and face while i cleaned the entire place and shower for like two hours because I didn't wash myself right. Then i had the bad numbers, organizing certain way though i think that's more of my OCPD. God it's awful.
It hurts me to read this because I know exactly what you are talking about. There's an app I use that's a support group for OCD sufferers. I'm not sure if I can make it here but I can pm you if you'd like.
I also had another crazy ex roommate who opened my locked bedroom door while I was trying to pack, with a knife and had me on headlock. Fortunately the landlord testified what had happened to the police and she was taken away. She was my best friend's father's sister's friend bit after that incident they learned her true nature. My friebd later told me how his family really hated her.
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The only solution to OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy and/or meds. The meds didn't help me much. The therapy was worse than the ocd. I had to touch public toilet seats and the top rim of public trash cans and then go home and touch all my food and eat without washing my hands, Fucking sadists! I'm considering doing the therapy again because it's my only option left.
Omg and i thought mine was bad. My therapist had me sit on a wet (OCD had me believe the toilet overflow but probably from shower) mat and with my hands on it too. Then she had me pick up chocolate off of the toilet seat that i didn't get to clean yet and eat it with my hands. I also feared of eating chocolate with my fingers because the melted chocolate reminds me of... Yes. I've done self erp but theres so much i can do on ky own. Everything becomes a compulsion and some came back worse. When I was 16 it was mainly contamination fear so I'd wash everything even paper and shower after every bathroom usage. That still happens but got better. Then it became mental checklist, written list then pictures. To a point i had to record to me sure I did it right and because I don't trust myself I relied on it and that caused my current phobia but back then I needed to function. I felt like things were stuck on ke. It's awful. I've had different meds, did cbt, erp, act, dbt, art therapy, psychotherapy. When I became disabled (homebound and bedridden) I immediately looked for help when self help no longer worked. I used to keep dream diary because I would get inspirations for designs and also for fun. When I realized it was becoming a compulsion it was too late. I was able to stop temporarily but it cake back a lot worse. Now I wake up every 45mibs-hour on a bad night and every three on a really good night. But I get mad at myself when I know I dreamt but forgot to write it down or I wrote it down in my dream and forgot. But other stuff like stove, locked doors I got better. But yeah so when i sought out the specialists they all told me i need residential care. Even the only in network specialist but the residential denied me because I needed to try different therapy and different level outpatient. After five hospitalizations, drs ridiculing and threatening me, therapy ghosting me, and both the intensive outpatient anx the insurance agreed no progress was being made I qualify but now I can't afford them. I lost my job because of my anxiety. I can't go to mcleans because they accept only certain types of massmedicaid and Medicare but I didn't qualify for disability because i didn't have enough work credit because i took time off to take care of my dying father. My mother passed away three months later. That's when all hell broke loose. There were also other factors like thrives. And Rogers want me to put a deposit that's equivalent of one months stay and get their treatment before I can apply for any assistance but since I can't be the only one without a family and a job and if one needs that level of care most likely they can't work, so I asked how do people like me afford and no response. Another location though not residential said if I pay them nonrefundable evaluation fee to see if I qualify but it's very strict so if they deny me that's money i could've spent on actual therapy. I feel like I'm forgetting something but I'm sure you get my point.
In more scared of ERP now. My ocd evolves too, but yours is much worse. What's your biggest obstacle to ctb? If I had gone through all that, I wouldn't be able to still live. I'm already near that point, but I still enjoy a small amount of stuff. I also can't ctb during holiday season unless things got really bad because my parents would be badly affected. I resent them for being my main obstacle to freedom.
Everything that goes wrong, no matter how minute the problem is, it can just be an inconvenience and I say just kill me and I picture myself pulling the trigger aimed at my head. Right now it's hard to Ctb because where I'm at. I'm like a cockroach very hard to kill and even getting stomped on and all im still moving but I've hot my limit. The only reason I was able to get this far was because of my dreams and to fulfill my life's purpose. But I'm only a burden. What good is knowing what my purpose is if I can't get better. There are so many animals that are in need that I want and need to rescue but I don't know how much more I can tolerate this. Mainly right now, the person I'm staying with talks very loud, and makes these noises that are extremely triggering and do things to purposely make me anxious. The sounds that they make make me so angry. Like whener this person drinks this person makes this tsk sound with tongue, when eating finger food sucks on fingers and make that suck noise, even with candies, then if not finferfood will scrape whatever on the plate with fingers and suck that or lick the plate-ive seen it, and then to add cheery on top slurps his saliva. It's so gross. Always burping and farting without saying excuse me, granted it's their place but ugh just can't. But unfortunately it's still better than the streets but that soon will be where is end up.
azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
I
I'm about to do this. It sucks, but it ain't the end of the world. It will give us some time to put our lives in order. I think the presence of someone else -- even an a-hole is helpful in many cases. Well, it is for me. I may not ENJOY living with a roommate, but I am more functional if I am living with someone else (i.e., a non-family member). The other person's presence kind of keeps me in-line. But, as @FinalEscape and @I'm exhausted said, you don't want to be in an abusive situation. I hate being at the mercy of the world, though. It sucks. Do you need help searching for rooms?
