Discussion anyone else realises that not giving a second chance to others is necessary

[Insomniac]

I realised that it's important to not give a second chance to people because they'll abuse it no matter what.

It's easier to get over people, regardless of who they are and not try to force a anything with anyone. what I mean is to learn to disown people when they become a nuisance.

it could be a family member, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger over the Internet.

I've made the decision to disown my family. I'm going to do the necessary to become independent and leave. forever.

if you're into someone and they're not into you and then you move on and then they come back , don't accept them. Ignore them. Never take back someone who rejected you and ignored you even once.

In fact, one needs not wait that long. as soon as you feel doubt in someone's affection or devotion towards you, just leave. even the slightlyest feeling of doubt is enough to pack up.

this may sound a bit extreme, but it doesn't matter. after 10 lifetimes of worth of worrying about others, you've earned the right to be this unreasonable.

I'm not leaving any room for doubt anymore. and I'm fine with others doing the same with me. If my behaviour causes someone to feel doubt in my affection or devotion towards them, even once, then I'm undeserving of their affection or devotion for eternity.

If at the end of the day no relationship works for you then you can just become a work addict or something and pre-pay a beautiful funeral for yourself with paid actors.

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

Damn that is extreme, and makes for a lonely existence. No one is 100% perfect 24/7. What if a friend, acquaintance or family member is just having a bad day/moment? Sorry that people have let you down so much that it has come to this. I hope someone comes into your life and proves this wrong.

 

[medjooled11]

All I will say is, is everyone deserves a second chance. Perhaps even a third chance.

Life is complex. Don't burn your bridges.

 

[motel rooms]

All I will say is, is everyone deserves a second chance. Perhaps even a third chance.

A lot of people deserve a second chance, but not all of them. Did Ted Bundy & Jeffrey Dahmer deserve a second chance?

 

[Insomniac]

Did Ted Bundy & Jeffrey Dahmer deserve a second chance?

I take offence. Ted and Jeffrey are personally heroes of mine you may apologise

 

[cambrai33]

I think if you are in active suicide idealation then cutting relationships with others makes sense. I would prefer I was hated before I ctb to lessen the impact on those that previously cared for me.

If you are unsure about wanting to ctb then I would say connections are important as one of them might make a difference

 

[Insomniac]

All I will say is, is everyone deserves a second chance. Perhaps even a third chance.

the thing is, by giving people a second chance, you're doing them a serious disservice by teaching them indiscipline essentially.

I would prefer I was hated before I ctb to lessen the impact on those that previously cared for me.

yeah it'd make sense for any suicidal person. acting in a way that gathers hate from others so that our suicide doesn't affect them but we're too selfish and hypocritical to do such a selfless thing

If you are unsure about wanting to ctb then I would say connections are important as one of them might make a difference

I've come to realise connection is important only because we give it too much meaning but if we organise ourselves we'll we can do without.

in fact people can even conceive a child without having to have sex I'm starting to think obsession over good a good social life is silly

 

[motel rooms]

Is there a reason you started this thread in the Recovery section?

 

[Insomniac]

Is there a reason you started this thread in the Recovery section?

referring to my comment about Jeffrey? that was a joke.

if you're referring to my original post then Idk what you mean

 

[motel rooms]

yeah it'd make sense for any suicidal person. acting in a way that gathers hate from others so that our suicide doesn't affect them but we're too selfish and hypocritical to do such a selfless thing

Many people on this forum have done exactly what @cambrai33 is talking about

 

[cambrai33]

In addition, who are we to teach others about indiscipline?

People making mistakes can be a good thing if they learn from them but illuminating to others if they don't.

 

[Insomniac]

Many people on this forum have done exactly what @cambrai33 is talking about

ok but What do you mean by that:

Is there a reason you started this thread in the Recovery section?

were you implying something about my original advice?

some people might find it a bit dark and sulky but it's honestly an advice that's genuinely helping me cope with my lack of stable relationship. it's certainly not for everyone but some people might find it helpful

In addition, who are we to teach others about indiscipline?

People making mistakes can be a good thing if they learn from them but illuminating to others if they don't.

at the very least, it teaches us to be disciplined.
forgive and you become.

 

[motel rooms]

forgive and you become.

Become what?

 

[Insomniac]

Become what?

become like the person that you forgive. It's inevitable that you'll end up making the same mistake.

 

[motel rooms]

become like the person that you forgive. It's inevitable that you'll end making the same mistake.

That type of logic is a bit too convoluted for me...

 

[busternaught]

as soon as you feel doubt in someone's affection or devotion towards you, just leave. even the slightlyest feeling of doubt is enough to pack up.

Nah man this is too extreme. I hope you find your peace living like this, but I cannot imagine that it will bring any positivity into your life.

 

[Insomniac]

Nah man this is too extreme. I hope you find your peace living like this, but I cannot imagine that it will bring any positivity into your life.

to be honest, the point is not for it to bring positivity because positivity is completely out of reach for me.

the point is for the harshness of my self-discpline to prepare me for the hell that's awaiting me in the future, to be uncomfortable and make me suffer now so that I can take what's to come for me (an even more endless chain of disappointment is coming).

that way I'll be strong enough not to kill myself. sure I'll be surviving and not living but I don't get to ask any more than than.

That type of logic is a bit too convoluted for me...

I'm glad that you don't get it. it simply means that we're not on the same level of desperation. good for you.

 

[Ironweed]

I'll give a person a second chance. Maybe even a third. But not a fourth, fifth, sixth, on and on. Depends on the situation.

Probably the biggest bright line I have is a bias against addicts. As Hunter S. Thompson noted, you can turn your back on a person, but you can never turn your back on a drug.

 

[9BBN]

How would you feel if this was about you? Don't you ever wish you were given a second chance? I think it's important to recognize the nuances here. I think that forgiveness should be encouraged, but not ever required of someone.

Probably the biggest bright line I have is a bias against addicts. As Hunter S. Thompson noted, you can turn your back on a person, but you can never turn your back on a drug.

OK, but addicts who do recover are able to do so primarily through support groups. Your bias reveals itself when you abandon all hope of addicts recovering by saying they can't turn their backs on drugs. In my opinion, we can do a much better job helping addicts by showing empathy and decriminalizing their weaknesses.

 

[Insomniac]

How would you feel if this was about you?

and I'm fine with others doing the same with me. If my behaviour causes someone to feel doubt in my affection or devotion towards them, even once, then I'm undeserving of their affection or devotion for eternity.

Probably the biggest bright line I have is a bias against addicts

yes. never ever give a second chance to an addict. don't even give them a first chance. my dad is a severe alcoholic and my mom gave him hundreds of second chances. even thousands of chances, but he was just a big loser and nothing could have ever changed that.


Two years ago, I met a handsome dude who was strangely attracted to me. he kept harassing me to give him a chance, he harassed me for like 6 months, but I never gave in. It's because on our first date, he told me he had an heroin addiction when he was a teen. I wasn't about the make the same mistake as my mom so I stood up and left and never looked back.

 

[9BBN]

yes. never ever give a second chance to an addict. don't even give them a first chance. my dad is a severe alcoholic and my mom gave him hundreds of second chances. even thousands of chances, but he was just a bug loser and nothing could have ever changed that.


Two years ago, I met a handsome dude who was strangely attracted to me. he kept harassing me to give him a chance, he harassed me for like 6 months, but I never gave in. It's because on our first date, he told me he had an heroin addiction when he was a teen. I wasn't about the make the same mistake as my mom so I stood up and left and never looked back.

I'm sorry about your experiences. It's just sad for me to read because I'm a recovered addict. I don't know what the answer is.

 

[Insomniac]

I'm sorry about your experiences. It's just sad for me to read because I'm a recovered addict. I don't know what the answer is.

sorry, I don't have any sympathy within me for addicts.

I had a deeply traumatic childhood with an extreme addict, and despite the crippling anxiety I have to endure daily as a result I never fell into addiction.

It's the same thing for my brothers and sisters. None of them are addicts. It's just that when you know the pain you'll cause to those around you by falling into addiction, it's impossible to do it, no matter what.

 

[Ironweed]

OK, but addicts who do recover are able to do so primarily through support groups. Your bias reveals itself when you abandon all hope of addicts recovering by saying they can't turn their backs on drugs. In my opinion, we can do a much better job helping addicts by showing empathy and decriminalizing their weaknesses.

I'm not saying addicts should be hung in the public square or anything of the kind, just that I'm just one person, little ol' me, and there's only so much I can do. I also think an addict in recovery is a different beast.

FWIW, I let a friend from HS stay with me after his GF kicked him out. Everything was okay until I came home to half my clothes missing, my DVD player gone (this is way back in they days when they were expensive) and... you know the drill. So, yeah, once bitten twice shy, etc. He also damaged the apartment on his way out to the point they were ready to kick me to the curb over what he did. Pointless shit like punching through drywall.

 

[9BBN]

I'm not saying addicts should be hung in the public square or anything of the kind, just that I'm just one person, little ol' me, and there's only so much I can do. I also think an addict in recovery is a different beast.

FWIW, I let a friend from HS stay with me after his GF kicked him out. Everything was okay until I came home to half my clothes missing, my DVD player gone (this is way back in they days when they were expensive) and... you know the drill. So, yeah, once bitten twice shy, etc. He also damaged the apartment on his way out to the point they were ready to kick me to the curb over what he did. Pointless shit like punching through drywall.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's not fair to you and it isn't necessarily your responsibility to help addicts. FWIW I see helping addicts as a domino effect. You're not just helping the addict, but also all the lives they will potentially screw over. Imagine helping an addict who just became a father. That's big.

Anyways, if anyone finds themselves on SS, then addicts shouldn't be their problem.

 

[Seiba]

A lot of people deserve a second chance, but not all of them. Did Ted Bundy & Jeffrey Dahmer deserve a second chance?

I'd agree with this. It just depends on the extent of their actions.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's not fair to you and it isn't necessarily your responsibility to help addicts. FWIW I see helping addicts as a domino effect. You're not just helping the addict, but also all the lives they will potentially screw over. Imagine helping an addict who just became a father. That's big.

Anyways, if anyone finds themselves on SS, then addicts shouldn't be their problem.

It depends on the extent of their will to be better. Some addicts are content with being the way they are, self aware of that fact or not. I had similar experiences with ironweed. My father would give five dollars for an "allowance" and then he'd be wanting it back and threating to get it back because he wanted crack. He would search through all of the draws and otherwise. He broke inside the house through a window on Christmas just to take the presents back so he could get more crack. He will never, in any capacity admit what he is. He was given many chances, and took advantage. Be careful of those who see chances as not chances to change, but to take advantage or to continue as they are without resistance. He also did the same as ironweed experienced and sold televisions and otherwise in the house. It's worth noting addictions change you on a cognitive level as well as it gets deeper addiction wise so reasoning with them is difficult. That's why they need to want to change themselves and earn any chances, not be given them.

 

[demuic]

I realised that it's important to not give a second chance to people because they'll abuse it no matter what.

It's easier to get over people, regardless of who they are and not try to force a anything with anyone. what I mean is to learn to disown people when they become a nuisance.

it could be a family member, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger over the Internet.

I've made the decision to disown my family. I'm going to do the necessary to become independent and leave. forever.

if you're into someone and they're not into you and then you move on and then they come back , don't accept them. Ignore them. Never take back someone who rejected you and ignored you even once.

In fact, one needs not wait that long. as soon as you feel doubt in someone's affection or devotion towards you, just leave. even the slightlyest feeling of doubt is enough to pack up.

this may sound a bit extreme, but it doesn't matter. after 10 lifetimes of worth of worrying about others, you've earned the right to be this unreasonable.

I'm not leaving any room for doubt anymore. and I'm fine with others doing the same with me. If my behaviour causes someone to feel doubt in my affection or devotion towards them, even once, then I'm undeserving of their affection or devotion for eternity.

If at the end of the day no relationship works for you then you can just become a work addict or something and pre-pay a beautiful funeral for yourself with paid actors.

I know someone in my life who has received dozens of "second chances" yet somehow people still think "this time things will change, it will be different." It's nothing but a way to take advantage of someone kind and too willing to hand out forgiveness.

It is dependent on the severity of the infraction though. There are some things I consider 100% unforgiveable under any circumstance. Others, you better have a very very good reason.

If someone is rotten to the core then it's a waste of time to think they will suddenly be any different.

People waste time and effort devoting themselves to people who dont give a fraction of shit about them.

As they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

 

[9BBN]

That's why they need to want to change themselves and earn any chances, not be given them.

This is fair. Just keep in mind I wasn't saying chances should be given instead of earned. I was responding to someone saying addicts "can't" turn back on drugs. Addicts in recovery are different.

 

[Seiba]

This is fair. Just keep in mind I wasn't saying chances should be given instead of earned. I was responding to someone saying addicts "can't" turn back on drugs. Addicts in recovery are different.

Fair.

 

[TheBestUsernameEver]

I realised that it's important to not give a second chance to people because they'll abuse it no matter what.

It's easier to get over people, regardless of who they are and not try to force a anything with anyone. what I mean is to learn to disown people when they become a nuisance.

it could be a family member, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger over the Internet.

I've made the decision to disown my family. I'm going to do the necessary to become independent and leave. forever.

if you're into someone and they're not into you and then you move on and then they come back , don't accept them. Ignore them. Never take back someone who rejected you and ignored you even once.

In fact, one needs not wait that long. as soon as you feel doubt in someone's affection or devotion towards you, just leave. even the slightlyest feeling of doubt is enough to pack up.

this may sound a bit extreme, but it doesn't matter. after 10 lifetimes of worth of worrying about others, you've earned the right to be this unreasonable.

I'm not leaving any room for doubt anymore. and I'm fine with others doing the same with me. If my behaviour causes someone to feel doubt in my affection or devotion towards them, even once, then I'm undeserving of their affection or devotion for eternity.

If at the end of the day no relationship works for you then you can just become a work addict or something and pre-pay a beautiful funeral for yourself with paid actors.

I live my life on the basic principle that once may be a mistake, but twice is enemy fire!

I agree with everything you have written. Too much heartache, grief, and hurt is inflicted on the innocent through them not being in a place to let go of people whose behaviour only pulls them down or thwarts their progress through life in some way.

 

[Meditation guide]

I realised that it's important to not give a second chance to people because they'll abuse it no matter what.

It's easier to get over people, regardless of who they are and not try to force a anything with anyone. what I mean is to learn to disown people when they become a nuisance.

it could be a family member, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger over the Internet.

I've made the decision to disown my family. I'm going to do the necessary to become independent and leave. forever.

if you're into someone and they're not into you and then you move on and then they come back , don't accept them. Ignore them. Never take back someone who rejected you and ignored you even once.

In fact, one needs not wait that long. as soon as you feel doubt in someone's affection or devotion towards you, just leave. even the slightlyest feeling of doubt is enough to pack up.

this may sound a bit extreme, but it doesn't matter. after 10 lifetimes of worth of worrying about others, you've earned the right to be this unreasonable.

I'm not leaving any room for doubt anymore. and I'm fine with others doing the same with me. If my behaviour causes someone to feel doubt in my affection or devotion towards them, even once, then I'm undeserving of their affection or devotion for eternity.

If at the end of the day no relationship works for you then you can just become a work addict or something and pre-pay a beautiful funeral for yourself with paid actors.

I agree. Once a person demonstrates a capacity to harm/hurt you then leave and never take them back or give them another chance because it will just get worse when they see you have no boundaries.

And you were right to not give the chance to a former heroin addict. I agree with almost all you said. You're smart. Most ppl waste a lot of time and suffer a lot who don't realize this.