Insomniac
π π² π± π¦ π° πͺ
- May 21, 2021
- 1,357
when I was younger, my dreams used to make no sense and always had a messy storyline and vague/incomprehensible events/images and I rarely remembered them when I came out of them.
Today, I'm 24years old and no one told me that being an adult meant that you were going to be constantly harassed in your dreams at night.
My dreams are now extremely vivid, have clear, sophisticated storylines and are always about the SAME thing. Every single night, I make the same dreams, disguised as different stories.
The more I accept that I have failed at life, the more I resignate myself to my fate, the more traumatising my dreams get.
they are not nightmares at all. they are photoshoped memories of me younger and as a teen. In those dreams, I experience acceptance and inclusion by my friends at primary school, something I have always craved. I experience deep love and friendship with the people I've always wanted to be noticed by in real life. I'm acknowledged by my family and relatives for accomplishments I have always wanted to make. I experience me being wed, in a fairytale like setting...
the more I accept that I'll never have those things, the more aggressive my dreams become in reminding me how good these things would feel.
I wake up in the morning, and it's so brutal to come back to reality after dreams so vivid with feelings so intense of closure, resolution, coming full circle... then I wake up and realize it was just...a dream.
anyone else experience that? It's like a curse. It's like there is no respite, even in my sleep...
this makes me feel like maybe death is like that. Maybe death is not about resting in peace at all. Maybe it's just you constantly yearning and longing and being haunted by the things you want most but can never have.
If I can't even have peaceful nights, empty of images or sounds, what exactly is the guarantee that my soul will rest in peace after I die?
Today, I'm 24years old and no one told me that being an adult meant that you were going to be constantly harassed in your dreams at night.
My dreams are now extremely vivid, have clear, sophisticated storylines and are always about the SAME thing. Every single night, I make the same dreams, disguised as different stories.
The more I accept that I have failed at life, the more I resignate myself to my fate, the more traumatising my dreams get.
they are not nightmares at all. they are photoshoped memories of me younger and as a teen. In those dreams, I experience acceptance and inclusion by my friends at primary school, something I have always craved. I experience deep love and friendship with the people I've always wanted to be noticed by in real life. I'm acknowledged by my family and relatives for accomplishments I have always wanted to make. I experience me being wed, in a fairytale like setting...
the more I accept that I'll never have those things, the more aggressive my dreams become in reminding me how good these things would feel.
I wake up in the morning, and it's so brutal to come back to reality after dreams so vivid with feelings so intense of closure, resolution, coming full circle... then I wake up and realize it was just...a dream.
anyone else experience that? It's like a curse. It's like there is no respite, even in my sleep...
this makes me feel like maybe death is like that. Maybe death is not about resting in peace at all. Maybe it's just you constantly yearning and longing and being haunted by the things you want most but can never have.
If I can't even have peaceful nights, empty of images or sounds, what exactly is the guarantee that my soul will rest in peace after I die?
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