Anyone else often okay with the thought of ctb and other times you feel like you’ve awakened and are horrified by the thought?

[Close_to_freedom]

I'm worried that awakening feeling will occur the day I drive hours to my location and then stand on the bridge.

 

[BrokenBeing]

Happens to me all the time. I wish ctb happened sooner to me.

 

[Smellanie]

About 5 times a day

 

[Deathwithdignity]

Can someone tell me what the abbreviations ctb and SN stand for?

 

[Smellanie]

Can someone tell me what the abbreviations ctb and SN stand for?

I believe they are catch the bus and sodium nitrite

 

[MorticiasHair]

I'm worried that awakening feeling will occur the day I drive hours to my location and then stand on the bridge.

Yes, all the time. but that's because I have a family that I don't want to harm (I don't have children).

 

[woxihuanni]

Wow, first time somebody else points it out. It is the waking up that comes with horror. Apart from the morning horror, I used to be more OK. Now I'm just not OK. Don't want to die, it is basically like I'm digging my heels in and somebody is pushing me towards a cliff. They will win, of course.

If it were somebody else in my place and I was their friend, I would grieve a lot for them. Nobody who wants to live so much should be driven to death.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I think it's cease to breath but don't quote me it was just the most logical thing I found on google.

 

[SpottedPanda]

The gravity of it certainly hits me at times. Sometimes it feels like the easiest thing in the world, and the thing that makes the most sense, and at other times, I'm in shock.

Life never stops, so it's only certain moments where I manage to stop and observe it, asking how I got there, and what it all means.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Can someone tell me what the abbreviations ctb and SN stand for?

Sorry officer. Lol

 

[I screwed up]

Yes ..all the time .

 

[BridgeJumper]

Yes!
Ill be 100% sure I need to die myself, and then I get this thought: 'WHAT IF YOU STOP EXISTING' / 'WHAT IF IT GETS BETTER' and I hesitate :/

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

It happens. It feels like i came back to my body. I suddenly realize that i will be permanently gone. Forever. I get tight feeling in my chest.

Few seconds later i come to my senses and realize that im all alone anyway and it wont really matter long term if i ctb.

 

[the box is empty]

It happened to me once. I came to the realization that there's nothing on the other side and I had a panic attack. Generally the idea of CTb calms me

 

[Aliali1992]

Totally sometimes i stop and say what the fuck i am doing and what the fuck got me to this point? Then i go to the reasons and it seems logical again.

 

[Meditation guide]

I can't relate to this at all. The best thing that can happen to me at this point is to ctb.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

No I just always want to die lol I'm safe

 

[Mr2005]

I'll never be alright with it I'll just never be happy either. That's why the quicker the better

 

[giles corey]

nah being dead seems great 100% of the time. i often repeat the phrase "i can't wait to be dead" in my head throughout the day

 

[Stavrogin]

I think it's cease to breath but don't quote me it was just the most logical thing I found on google.

I'm pretty new here and cease to breathe seems more applicable and it's what I thought ctb meant too, but I guess catch the bus works just as well.

 

[Soul]

I think it's cease to breath but don't quote me it was just the most logical thing I found on google.

It's "catch the bus", which is a euphemism for killing oneself. So "cease to breathe" works too; "close the book" is another one.

In the Resource Compilation near the top of the forum there's a link devoted to the abbreviations used on this forum.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/resource-compilation.3/

 

[Life_and_Death]

It's "catch the bus", which is a euphemism for killing oneself. So "cease to breathe" works too; "close the book" is another one.

In the Resource Compilation near the top of the forum there's a link devoted to the abbreviations used on this forum.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/resource-compilation.3/

i think im going to start paying more attention to that. it seems to have a lot of useful information. at least people keep suggesting it lol

 

[HappyMstake]

Yes, but then I thing about not having to deal with life anymore, and that usually works and makes me want to ctb even more.

 

[virginiawoolf86]

Wow, first time somebody else points it out. It is the waking up that comes with horror. Apart from the morning horror, I used to be more OK. Now I'm just not OK. Don't want to die, it is basically like I'm digging my heels in and somebody is pushing me towards a cliff. They will win, of course.

If it were somebody else in my place and I was their friend, I would grieve a lot for them. Nobody who wants to live so much should be driven to death.

Agreed.

I don't want to go. But the suffering my brain goes through on a daily basis makes everything unenjoyable. I used to be so vibrant.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Remember you have two people inside of you at all times minimum.

There's you, then there is the survival instinct you which will flood your body and mind with fear, denial, shock.

Doesn't make you less suicidal or pathetic, it's just our biology unfortunately.

Look at people who can't stop eating, they themselves might know whats best for them but that "other them" takes over and fills them with hunger and dissatisfaction.

Humans are just.. broken.