Kramer
Nervous wreck
- Oct 27, 2020
- 1,398
You said you have ptsd. I have a thread that outlines how you can do Emdr therapy at home.for me, its not that i don't want to, it's more like i have exhausted all options and tried nearly everything there is to try. If i was not ill perhaps i could probably fake some sort of motivation, slog my way through a few more years, but I'm in so much pain everyday. So i completely understand the feeling of wanting to give up and not wanting to fight what you see as a losing battle.
I know exactly how you feel. It is hard to remember a time when eating didn't make me sick and I wasn't plagued with pain all day. Even low doses of opiates didn't take it away, and like you I have been denied pain management because of my age and my country's draconian rules about drugs. I think only those of us who have experienced chronic pain know the toll it takes on your psyche. Knowing that unless a miracle cure happens, you're stuck like this forever is a hard pill to swallow, and the ignorant and healthy have the gall to tell us that it gets better when they don't have to live like this.If it was possible to live pain free and nausea free and free of being limited by my physical conditions,
If i could eat what i want when i want without repercussions
If all my psych conditions, disorders and illnesses could just disappear-
Maybe i'd choose life. I don't know. It's not possible so why go there and tease myself?
I've been denied proper pain control. Yep, turned down. I've done the hospital's pain management course- twice.
I've exhausted therapy options. The system is broken where i am. Therapists don't do long term counselling. If you're a difficult case- they won't take you.
I'm seeing a therapist now but i only talk about minorish stuff and about getting my meds right. I don't mention cbt but i mention depression. She knows i'm VERY low. She knows my history with ctb attempt...
There are no meds left to try. Nothing really is working now. Nothing ever did-
I'm so tired of fighting this fight- especially when i'm a burden in so many ways to several people.
So it's not really not wanting to- it's realistically knowing it won't ever happen. It can't as it's not possible.
for me, its not that i don't want to, it's more like i have exhausted all options and tried nearly everything there is to try. If i was not ill perhaps i could probably fake some sort of motivation, slog my way through a few more years, but I'm in so much pain everyday. So i completely understand the feeling of wanting to give up and not wanting to fight what you see as a losing battle.