Anyone else never really been fond of life?

[DarkShadows]

It's hard to explain but I never really liked life much and I didn't have much of a drive to put effort into getting somewhere. I did the bare minimum. Life has never been 'for me' I've felt different for a long long time.

I hate how therapists, normal people whatever think if you don't like life it must be an illness causing it. It's just how I am..

 

[alliecake]

I feel the exact same way. I've never had much motivation in life and always wondered about suicide since elementary school. You're not alone and it's such a weird feeling to explain.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i hate life/ existence more than words can say . so i feel the opposite for non-existence forever

but pro-lifers and others tell me "no you have to live you have to fight to live"

and I would like to ask why do i have to live another minute in this hell? nobody has answered me but i only posted that question here. because there is no answer .life is meaningless suffering and extreme torture

non-existence forever is the ultimate bliss

 

[wham311]

Terrible until 18.
Moved across country.

Terrible till 32.

Had six years that were passable.

Ruined my life. Unimaginably bad now

 

[ididnotconsent]

Yeah, i think it's important not to pathologize the way we feel. Depression can be a very rational response to the state of the world. A good therapist will understand this and not bullshit you about it.

Certain animals in captivity wont breed because they don't feel comfortable. They are stressed or think something is wrong and don't even bother. I think we can learn a lot from that.

We also sense that something is not right with the world, hence why we feel the way we do.

 

[catfriend]

glad someone put this into words -- been thinking the same, recently. :)

i've always done my 'living' for other people. i pursued things because i was expected to, or because i had something to prove to others. i cancelled ctb attempts for fear of making family and friends sad, and inconveniencing employers. it's so joyless!

 

[SomewhatLoved]

My first specific memory of being suicidal was when I was 9, but I probably had thoughts long before then that I just don't remember. I think I "gained consciousness" (so to speak) at 8. I have not really felt any positive emotions towards life in my whole life. I feel diseased but I keep going because I am compelled to

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

I understand you. Not loving life isn't always an illness — sometimes it's just a lucid mismatch between who you are and what the world expects you to be. There's dignity in recognizing that, even if no one else does.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I feel the same. While I was a Jehovah's Witness, feelings like that fit into their hoping the world would end soon. Becoming a parent gave me a functional reason to have drive and to do more than the bare minimum, because I love my kids, feel responsible for them, and would do anything for them. But nothing for me. I deserve nothing, we lose everything when we die anyway, and I never found a way to "enjoy life". I'm just here for awhile and can't wait to be gone. I think we're normal.

 

[Pluto]

 

[PrettyWhiteFlower]

The only time I genuinely enjoyed being alive was for 4 months when I had some kind of psychosis. I had to literally lost my track on reality to be happy

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I've personally never wished to exist and I just never would do, I see existence as the most cruel, torturous burden that just causes harm and suffering and more than anything I wish I was never burdened with this existence, I see it as the most terrible tragedy how this existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for with no limit as to how much agony one can feel was even imposed.

For me non-existence really is all that's positive and is the only peace, I wish for no more suffering and I suffer simply from existing, for me existence really is the problem which is why I'll only hope and wish to not exist no matter what, all I want is to never suffer ever again with all finally gone and forgotten for me, I find it so torturous and futile to exist, to me existence really does feel like a mistake and I find it so deeply undesirable to exist, I'll always see existing as just being only suffering.

 

[Permanoir]

This is how I've felt for as long as I can remember. I think the lack of hope, ambition, motivation or drive might be what kept me from dealing with my problems proactively, and that may be what eventually led to me becoming suicidal later on. It's a strange place to be in because personally "recovery" would mean regaining those qualities, but how do you regain something you've never really had?

 

[Raven2]

Bar a few years, life has been a shitshow. I never knew what I wanted to do career wise and sort of just fell into jobs with no clear direction. I've never really been driven by money just making enough to live and save a bit. Ive just turned down yet another promotion at work.
I lack complete motivation and like you I do the bare minimum. I remember when I was in my 20s I could never imagine myself getting old, in deep depression and anxiety at that age I remember being really scared of the world. I'm just apathetic to it all now.

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

i hate life/ existence more than words can say . so i feel the opposite for non-existence forever

but pro-lifers and others tell me "no you have to live you have to fight to live"

and I would like to ask why do i have to live another minute in this hell? nobody has answered me but i only posted that question here. because there is no answer .life is meaningless suffering and extreme torture

non-existence forever is the ultimate bliss

I understand that. What pain is it you suffer from?