Anyone else holding on because of their parents?

[rs929]

My dad is over 70 and while we don't have the greatest relationship, it really worries me the grief and pain he would endure if I ctb. I don't really want to go on living, but I don't want to cause him any harm. Is anyone going through a similar situation?

 

[itsgone2]

Yes, similar situation. I wonder how strong my SI would be otherwise

 

[Macedonian1987]

Yes, me. I'm holding on because of my parents and I HATE IT.
I don't want to hurt my parents, but I cannot continue living like this for much longer. My parents are 77 and 75. If they died earlier, I would've ctb years ago.
Alive or not, I plan on taking SN in a 1-2 years time. Sorry mom and dad. Sadness and pain forced my hand

 

[Cosmophobic]

I've basically decided I'm sticking around until they're gone. They're both in their 70's and the least I can do is be there for them as their physical health and mobility declines.

How much of that is SI and how much if it is genuine concern for them I don't care to analyse too much.

 

[liquid jen]

At least 80% of the reason I'm still here for sure.

 

[Ligottian]

Both of my parents are dead. Mother in 2016, Father in 2017. Both were in their 80's. Both died hard deaths. I had taken a private vow not to kill myself before both had died. So what am I waiting for? Good question.

 

[itsgone2]

Both of my parents are dead. Mother in 2016, Father in 2017. Both were in their 80's. Both died hard deaths. I had taken a private vow not to kill myself before both had died. So what am I waiting for? Good question.

SI. The thing that trips us all up.

 

[Cauliflour]

I think it's worse when there's someone who's loved you ever since you were a tiny, shitty, useless sack of a human cause now you have no good excuse and you have to go looking.

 

[jjnsjso44458]

Yes, it's the one thing always holding me back, especially with my mom.

 

[deinocheirus]

i really don't want them to have to find my body or even just learn about my suicide. that being said, i'm losing my patience and i'm beginning to care less and less, so...

 

[burdentoeveryone]

i wish my family disowned me. i wish they hated me and they weren't holding me back from ctb. i don't want to live, but i don't want to cause my mom even more pain. in the last two years she had to go through her husband's and her father's deaths already. i feel like it would be better for everyone if i wasn't alive but i also know that it certainly wouldn't be easy for her if i died. eh.

 

[an_alias]

Been holding on for 5 years for this exact reason mate

 

[Hollowman]

It's the only goal I have but I'm so tired of everything.

 

[unluckysadness]

Same. My mother would be devastated. Emotional tsunami. She has heart issues. We're fucked wathever we decide.
I wish I could get a lethal quick disease, so they will be less sad.

 

[Liebestod]

Honestly I don't care how my family ends up after I die, the only thing keeping me here is my slight fear.

 

[Kitsune_BCN]

We all here identify with the pessimist philosopher Albert Caraco, then. He patiently waited until his father died. His determination was so strong that he hung himself less than 24h later

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, holding on for my Dad. My Mum died young.

 

[Irisse]

Me because, while they weren't perfect, deep down they are good people. Although I don't know for how much longer I can hold on. And I know that my ctb would destroy them because my mother had a miscarriage after me and it took a long time for her to heal.

 

[Cosmophobic]

We all here identify with the pessimist philosopher Albert Caraco, then. He patiently waited until his father died. His determination was so strong that he hung himself less than 24h later

Thank you I hadn't heard of him.

I can't find any physical translations of his works for sale but I did find an online translation of one:

"Reading Albert Caraco is a torture. He may be the last truly
dangerous author of world literature." (Frédéric Saenen)

I think I might like this guy.

 

[BeyondSurvival]

Yes, and also for other family members.

 

[peewee]

I was but I cant do it anymore, I have to end it. I feel guilty but, I can't change how i feel

 

[Vivir Llorando]

Only because of my mom, she's already been through so much trauma and pain, and currently is going through a lot. I hate it because if I didn't care I could just end my own pain already but I don't want to cause her to reach her breaking point.

 

[qwert3948]

my mom used to tell me she only lives for me, even though i never had the impression she particularly liked me. i feel so much guilt i can't do anything but keep living and it is suffocating

 

[attackingvertical]

Yea. My mom's in her early 50's and my dad's in his late 40's. Part of me is tempted to just wait until they pass away, but that will likely be a long time from now. It does mean something though that you care enough to hold off for someone else's sake, even with how rough life is.

 

[Zyntkalla]

I never was really close to my family. I'm not related to them anyways. What I have gone through outweighs pretty well everything. The only thing that's really keeping me here is wanting to finish a few things.But even then, i'm debating if it's even worth it anymore?