OpheliasFlowers
Specialist
- Apr 2, 2019
- 348
So I'll try to make this short which isn't easy for me since I tend to babble. :)
I have a lifelong history of all sorts of medical problems on top of my severe generalized anxiety/social anxiety/PTSD and MDD. One of the things that has set of my anxiety ever since childhood is anything GI related...I don't exactly know why that is although I have a theory it's because I've always suffered GI issues and I just grew up getting more and more afraid of my own body and the pain and issues connected with GI problems (which affect one's life in so many ways. Other GI sufferers I'm sure will understand what I mean...)
So besides my 'usual' GI problems of chronic nausea, IBS, other bowel issues and stomach pain that no doctor has been able to determine the exact cause of in the last 17 YEARS despite scopes and some xrays and bloodwork, last June 2019 I developed a clostridium difficile infection, which is a bacterial infection of the intestines and causes terrible cramping, fever, HORRIBLE diarrhea, weight loss, nausea and just generally feeling like death. I had not had any of the common risk factors associated with contracting this infection, like recent antibiotic use, recent hospital stay, etc...I have a very poor immune system so they figure I just picked it up somewhere, which is another joke on me by the universe considering I RARELY leave the house except for doctor's appointments and I end up canceling a lot of those so I can easily go months and months without leaving home. I also have taken a daily probiotic for years, which is supposed to help keep c. diff bacteria in check and yet I still got this. :-/
The treatment is (ironically) more antibiotics but the problem is c. difficile is a 'superbug', like MRSA, and is really hard to eradicate and so relapses are common. Often, MANY relapses. Then even after "successful" treatment, you are never really considered cured because the bacteria produces spores that apparently live forever in your colon/intestines and can germinate any time the situation is right for them...so theoretically you could go 5-10 years in 'remission' (which is what they call it) and then suddenly redevelop the infection.Plus, the damage the infection does to your intestines can take a very long time to heal so you still continue to deal with many of the same symptoms you had during active infection -- but doctors don't like to retest so you never know "Is it just (what they call) post-infection IBS...or is the infection back?" And that's scary for many reasons, not the least of which is that while the infection is active you are VERY contagious. I can't begin to tell you all how much I've invested in bleach, gloves that I use every time I use the toilet, ER visits due to dehydration, and just feeling like a disgusting filthy pariah who shouldn't ever be around people because I don't want to chance infecting them.
I've also lost a lot of weight which I was already too thin before this; I now weigh 94 lbs at 5'8" so looking at myself is even more horrifying than it was before I got this. I am frightening to look at. I am trying to gain weight but never gained weight easily before, and now this has made it even harder what with the symptoms of the infection and the limited diet due to not digesting things well and the nausea and cramping,e tc. I've also resorted to wearing a Depends since last July 2019 which is beyond humiliating. :(
This infection has done my mental health in even more than ever, and I was in a bad, bad place BEFORE I got c. diff. I am terrified every day to just use the toilet because it's such a miserable experience. Every gurgle, pain and rumble in my belly makes me wonder if the infection is back or still active or what's going on, and the doctors like I said, are hard to agree to retest to see if the infection is active. It's so stupid. How much trouble is it really to test some poop?
Sorry this is such a gross topic. I just feel so alone and so afraid, and i don't understand why I keep getting more and more challenges and awful health problems thrown at me. This infection really sealed my decision to ctb. I can't go through years and years of living this way. This isn't a life anyway.
I just wondered if anybody else has gone through this infection or still dealing with it. I feel so alone. No one else I know has ever had this, and my dad is elderly and lives 200 miles away and doesn't really want to hear about it anyway and I have a sibling whom I don't talk to and no friends, so...this has been very hard and scary.
Thank you for reading. <3 This got a bit longer than I'd intended it to.
I have a lifelong history of all sorts of medical problems on top of my severe generalized anxiety/social anxiety/PTSD and MDD. One of the things that has set of my anxiety ever since childhood is anything GI related...I don't exactly know why that is although I have a theory it's because I've always suffered GI issues and I just grew up getting more and more afraid of my own body and the pain and issues connected with GI problems (which affect one's life in so many ways. Other GI sufferers I'm sure will understand what I mean...)
So besides my 'usual' GI problems of chronic nausea, IBS, other bowel issues and stomach pain that no doctor has been able to determine the exact cause of in the last 17 YEARS despite scopes and some xrays and bloodwork, last June 2019 I developed a clostridium difficile infection, which is a bacterial infection of the intestines and causes terrible cramping, fever, HORRIBLE diarrhea, weight loss, nausea and just generally feeling like death. I had not had any of the common risk factors associated with contracting this infection, like recent antibiotic use, recent hospital stay, etc...I have a very poor immune system so they figure I just picked it up somewhere, which is another joke on me by the universe considering I RARELY leave the house except for doctor's appointments and I end up canceling a lot of those so I can easily go months and months without leaving home. I also have taken a daily probiotic for years, which is supposed to help keep c. diff bacteria in check and yet I still got this. :-/
The treatment is (ironically) more antibiotics but the problem is c. difficile is a 'superbug', like MRSA, and is really hard to eradicate and so relapses are common. Often, MANY relapses. Then even after "successful" treatment, you are never really considered cured because the bacteria produces spores that apparently live forever in your colon/intestines and can germinate any time the situation is right for them...so theoretically you could go 5-10 years in 'remission' (which is what they call it) and then suddenly redevelop the infection.Plus, the damage the infection does to your intestines can take a very long time to heal so you still continue to deal with many of the same symptoms you had during active infection -- but doctors don't like to retest so you never know "Is it just (what they call) post-infection IBS...or is the infection back?" And that's scary for many reasons, not the least of which is that while the infection is active you are VERY contagious. I can't begin to tell you all how much I've invested in bleach, gloves that I use every time I use the toilet, ER visits due to dehydration, and just feeling like a disgusting filthy pariah who shouldn't ever be around people because I don't want to chance infecting them.
I've also lost a lot of weight which I was already too thin before this; I now weigh 94 lbs at 5'8" so looking at myself is even more horrifying than it was before I got this. I am frightening to look at. I am trying to gain weight but never gained weight easily before, and now this has made it even harder what with the symptoms of the infection and the limited diet due to not digesting things well and the nausea and cramping,e tc. I've also resorted to wearing a Depends since last July 2019 which is beyond humiliating. :(
This infection has done my mental health in even more than ever, and I was in a bad, bad place BEFORE I got c. diff. I am terrified every day to just use the toilet because it's such a miserable experience. Every gurgle, pain and rumble in my belly makes me wonder if the infection is back or still active or what's going on, and the doctors like I said, are hard to agree to retest to see if the infection is active. It's so stupid. How much trouble is it really to test some poop?
Sorry this is such a gross topic. I just feel so alone and so afraid, and i don't understand why I keep getting more and more challenges and awful health problems thrown at me. This infection really sealed my decision to ctb. I can't go through years and years of living this way. This isn't a life anyway.
I just wondered if anybody else has gone through this infection or still dealing with it. I feel so alone. No one else I know has ever had this, and my dad is elderly and lives 200 miles away and doesn't really want to hear about it anyway and I have a sibling whom I don't talk to and no friends, so...this has been very hard and scary.
Thank you for reading. <3 This got a bit longer than I'd intended it to.