i have been involuntarily psychiatrically hospitalized and it felt like my family didn't entirely mind my being there and if i started to complain too much about being in pain and wanting to die they would certainly directly or indirectly send me back there... probably indirectly...
"we didn't realize that if we called the police for a welfare check they would hospitalize you like this. it's so awful what trump is doing, we couldn't have predicted this."
if you end up in psychiatry, every fucking nail is a problem solved by the hammer of psych meds that barely do anything except cause horrible shaking, twitching, tiredness, and secondary side effects, and they will ALWAYS say you are doing better when they increase the dosage to justify drugging you more and put it in the notes so that it's documented in a way in which it's incredibly hard to stop when you are involuntarily locked up. psych meds are a horrible hodgepodge of exploitative crap that do barely anything and almost always cause more harm than good.
consequently, there's a limit to how much i can complain. it's some sort of internal injury inside me impacting my spine and neck and no one can find any clear cause, so it's not really being taken seriously.
it's just awful. i'm unhappy and angry all the time, i'm physically in pain all the time, i am limited in how much i can complain about it without being forcibly drugged on psych meds that are unhelpful and terrible.
like is really just a matter of how long i can stomach this pain... and i probably can't stomach it much longer. everyone on this planet is just fucking mean and awful it feels like. this also all takes place in the context of trump's new plans to send a shitload of people with psychiatric issues to institutions and i am terrified of that, having been hospitalized before and finding it excruciating. so as a result of that, i am much more scared of trying to not work, claiming that depression due to pain and other issues is making it hard to work, because i am fearful that they will start doing sweeps of people who get ssi for psychiatric reasons once they create these mental health camps. but i am also very unhappy and have a hard time working because of the pain.