Anyone else had 0 friends in school?

[spanishguy22]

My reason to kill myself is anhedonic depression caused by four nightmarish years of social isolation.

After a happy normal early childhood about to entero high school I stupidly broke my relation with my best friend who was like a brother to me. A 11 year old me sent a message that would forever fuck up my life. I told him we wouldnt speak anymore. A cause of the biggest regret a human can experience it used to be. Now thankfully Im at peace with it more or less and accepted my injured brain so just want to ctb.

I went in that place a happy kid and got out a destroyed shell of a human being.

Me and my brain was basically subject to constante emotinal stress for 36 months in total from not fitting in to the point I made it my normal and got used to being alone and outcasted.

Id like to know if theres someone that has experienced the real isolation of years in childhood and what effects it had on you. Ive been alone from 11 to 22 now. A truly miserable existence not really as much because of the loneliness but because of the devastating mental illnesses i got as a reward

Something so few people experience. I feel like shit honestly

And basically I dont enjoy anything anymore since a long time ago.

Im not sure if it goes off topic or not its kinda relate i think but feel free to move please.

 

[Mr2005]

I was bullied for a year in school but they were still the best years of my life. After two failed college attempts I decided to isolate myself. Didn't know what I wanted to do. Just take a year out and smoke a bit of weed, what could possibly go wrong? That was fifteen years ago

 

[wendydong1]

I didn't have any friends in college... I was pretty suicidal in college... Then I gotten used to do everything alone...

 

[snowman626]

I had maybe 2 or 3 friends briefly throughout my 12 years of school . After high school grad i messaged them on facebook and they wouldnt even reply back, just shows how insignificant i was to them.

After high school to now i never had friends. I stopped feeling lonely a long time ago. Now i dont even want friends, i have zero desire to hang out with other men, im perfectly happy doing things by myself.

However I do want to meet a girl, but what normal girl would want to date a loser who have no friends and no life? Hence escortd and gfe is my only option

 

[mathieu]

I was isolated and bullied. I had a couple of friends but not close friends. That was the start of my mental problems.

 

[BobbyPellitt]

Yep. I used to be a very friendly kid back in elementary. I got bullied in 2nd year of high school by everyone including my "best friends" which made me have trust issues and isolate myself from others. I always eat alone, got laughed at by everybody including the teachers, never got invited to a friends house or birthday party. After barely graduating from highschool, I thought things were gonna get better in college, new start and all. Well, after failing college twice, not having a single acquaintance for years, I can say with certainty that I should've CTB a long time ago.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Friends in elementary and early middle school, skipped high school so no friends, and then made friends again in late college. Too late to have made a difference.

 

[H2H2]

It gets worse and worse the longer you are isolated. It gets to a point where anhedonia is the only thing keeping you alive. I really dread those every now and then moments of clarity where I can see and feel how much I have destroyed my life and how I have nothing to account for. I remember a doc telling me in my twenties that staying in my bedroom was a trap and boy was he right. I have lost everything. Even fears I regarded back in the day as irrational thoughts have realized.

Its the worst feeling ever to know yourself at the end of your life and feeling such a failure of a human being. Never known love, nor long term friendships, nor family, nor kids, nor stable job, nor intelectual pursuits or hobbies, nor travellings. Nothing. Except being an addict.

By the way, Im glad you are back spanishguy.

 

[okaoki]

i have 2 friends in middle school that was more than 10 years ago , we live in different places , i started work they studied college/U and all
currently been in the "alone" state for more than 7 years .

 

[noon]

I only had 1 friend, but that was back in middle school and she moved away. I was alone for pretty much all of high school and I didn't mind too much, I guess. A girl messaged me on Facebook after HS graduation saying she felt bad for me because supposedly there were a group of people always talking shit about me. Didn't mind much because I didn't know them so whatever.

 

[kappa]

Had a couple friends come and go in K-12. People are fake and I don't want any.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Personally I usually had one good friend. But I had multipule people I knew at school. In college I never had close friends, just people that I hung out with while at my class.

 

[tomz323]

Yeah, school sucks, everyone around me bullied me. I found it was much easier to make friends in the workplace, especially if you work in another country. People are much more forgiving on you doing "weird things", they just think it's okay because you're a foreigner.

 

[Wayfaerer]

It gets worse and worse the longer you are isolated. It gets to a point where anhedonia is the only thing keeping you alive. I really dread those every now and then moments of clarity where I can see and feel how much I have destroyed my life and how I have nothing to account for. I remember a doc telling me in my twenties that staying in my bedroom was a trap and boy was he right. I have lost everything. Even fears I regarded back in the day as irrational thoughts have realized.

Its the worst feeling ever to know yourself at the end of your life and feeling such a failure of a human being. Never known love, nor long term friendships, nor family, nor kids, nor stable job, nor intelectual pursuits or hobbies, nor travellings. Nothing. Except being an addict.

By the way, Im glad you are back spanishguy.

This hits close to home for me, but the reasons why I remained isolated weren't necessarily voluntary.

 

[woxihuanni]

Even when I was bullied/mobbed, I generally had at least one friend. I cannot complain of loneliness. It is easy for me to just go out and make a friend even if I'm dumped in the middle of a brand new life. The last real life friend I've made, with preparations underway for ctb, is the best one I've ever had.

My problems lie elsewhere.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I had zero real friends in high school partly because my controlling parents refused to let me have any kind of social life and partly because I had the reputation for being the freaky genius kid. The only times people even voluntarily talked to me in high school was when they wanted homework help or if the teacher assigned group projects.
I had some "friends" in college but I think they were more out of convenience than anything else. I only had one close friend in college. He was a guy and we secretly had feelings for each other, but we both didn't have the guts to say anything when we were both still single. So we just remained in the best friends zone for all four years of college. He ended the friendship once I started dating my current boyfriend, so I now have no friends left.

 

[Rachel74]

I had friends at school but I don't have friends now. I have people I know like from work etc but I don't tell them anything. I just don't trust people.

 

[marcusuk63]

I had a friend at junior school but then he moved out of town and in those days we only had telegrams lol , only had classmates at senior school who hun at at breaks but never out o school . I then met up with one two years after leaving school and we became best friends and i even got him a Job were i worked , eventually he met a girl and started serious dating as did i so we drifted apart .
Skip forward to 1997 and i've not had one since nore do i particularly want one . well apart from one of my ex g/f`s from 15 years ago who i`m very close to and she come round regular when her partner lets her lol
My older brother was my best friend really and the only person i saw regular .

 

[Erin Inari]

I didn't have any friends in college... I was pretty suicidal in college... Then I gotten used to do everything alone...

Same here

 

[blanketyblk]

i saw such an awkward looking kid at school. at 16 i was 6'1 and looked like a bean pole and very little breasts or hips. i look just wrong. i only have a friends in the other 'social reject' pile. but they didn't last after high school. i eventually grew into my body. but that was after school. so yeah. school was not a fun experience for me. just another thing to add to my CTB reasons list

 

[Shamana]

I was generally lucky enough to have decent amount of friends in my child and teenage years. When and after I've been crippled with depression i've found it much harder to form close friendships and also to desire a social life.

 

[Astral316]

I had one friend in my teen years but he treated me like shit when he was with his other friends so it felt like I had zero friends.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

No friends then, no friends now. If I don't ctb first, I imagine I will die of crushing isolation.

 

[Alchemist]

From kinder till middle school I was bastard both in the literal and figurative sense, so no one wanted to be my friend. Then after middle school decided to be niver to people, but it actually became worse. I was bullied so hard on high school and I had no one so I ended leaving school and and finishing it on a special system where I didn't had to deal with people. Then college was pretty much the same, no friends, but it was subtler. NO one would bully you, but people would talk behind your back or ignore if they didn't like you. It was the most hypocritical place one could find. THere I had "friends" but only in the shallowest sense of the word. They only talked to me when they needed something and barely invited me to parties and such.

 

[mynameispaige]

For years I was with the popular girls at school. They were horrible. They treated me so bad. Well honestly they all treated each other bad. It was just a group of toxic girls. Then one day one of them locked me in a closet at school. When I got out I hit her, she fell right to the ground, and I just walked away. That ended that fake friendship. So after that I stuck with a different group of people who weren't my friends but being with them made me feel safer. I never hung out with them outside of school or anything. Then I had something traumatic happen to me with a guy and I left school because of it. So I finished high school online completely isolated from everyone. I've never had a real friend in real life.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I went into high school with no friends. The three girls I was friends with when I was 11 broke up with me on the last day of primary school over a stupid fight we had, I don't even remember what it was about. I went into high school, hated by everyone in my year. I met my best friend on the first day of school but I remember there were many days where we didn't hang out. It was just us two. In year 8, two other girls in our class joined us as well as a few others from other classes. We were one big group. I think I was happy in the videos I took back then, even though I was going through so much at home. I was not only hated by everyone but I was teased and bullied by girls in my year and more from the three years above. The two girls from our class had an argument with us in year 9 and we broke up with them. Another girl came along and it was us 3. She was manipulative towards me, used me and threatened me that she would take my best friend away from me and I feared that she was going to replace me. She would call me names and then later say sorry. I became severely depressed at 13 and I can never forget both of them laughing at me when they found out that I went to the psychiatrist after cutting myself. Year 10 and 11 went by. Me and my best friend cut off the other friend after we left school because she turned out to be fake. College went by, things happened and I got really messed up. The one best friend I had who was actually my sister, betrayed and used me and ruined my life in December. We were together since September 2010. Looking back, I honestly think I was with her just so that I wouldn't be alone even though it didn't seem like it then. Now, no friends. I have no one and tears are filling my eyes as I think of all of this. She's doing fine without me, I just can't believe it. Even though this all happened, I felt alone inside. I still do now. I had no one, no one liked me and I didn't know why. I was an outcast and I was always alone.

 

[Hyakkimaru]

My reason to kill myself is anhedonic depression caused by four nightmarish years of social isolation.

After a happy normal early childhood about to entero high school I stupidly broke my relation with my best friend who was like a brother to me. A 11 year old me sent a message that would forever fuck up my life. I told him we wouldnt speak anymore. A cause of the biggest regret a human can experience it used to be. Now thankfully Im at peace with it more or less and accepted my injured brain so just want to ctb.

I went in that place a happy kid and got out a destroyed shell of a human being.

Me and my brain was basically subject to constante emotinal stress for 36 months in total from not fitting in to the point I made it my normal and got used to being alone and outcasted.

Id like to know if theres someone that has experienced the real isolation of years in childhood and what effects it had on you. Ive been alone from 11 to 22 now. A truly miserable existence not really as much because of the loneliness but because of the devastating mental illnesses i got as a reward

Something so few people experience. I feel like shit honestly

And basically I dont enjoy anything anymore since a long time ago.

Im not sure if it goes off topic or not its kinda relate i think but feel free to move please.

I haven't been isolated to the degree youre talking about, although years of abuse and neglect kinda make me feel that way no matter where I am or who I'm with. Most of the time I feel like I don't have anyone to share my problems with except here where I'm one in a million of people who feel the same. I don't fit in at all and most of my "friends" and even my "girlfriend" love to talk about me behind my back, most of the time I'm like you, wondering if theres someone out there like me, someone who could love me and make me feel safe and accept me for who I am.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I haven

I haven't been isolated to the degree youre talking about, although years of abuse and neglect kinda make me feel that way no matter where I am or who I'm with. Most of the time I feel like I don't have anyone to share my problems with except here where I'm one in a million of people who feel the same. I don't fit in at all and most of my "friends" and even my "girlfriend" love to talk about me behind my back, most of the time I'm like you, wondering if theres someone out there like me, someone who could love me and make me feel safe and accept me for who I am.

I feel the same and that's awful, why are you with them? I'm sorry, I know that's a stupid question since I think I know the answer. I say I'd rather be alone and I am right now but now, I feel the emptiness.

 

[spanishguy22]

I haven

I haven't been isolated to the degree youre talking about, although years of abuse and neglect kinda make me feel that way no matter where I am or who I'm with. Most of the time I feel like I don't have anyone to share my problems with except here where I'm one in a million of people who feel the same. I don't fit in at all and most of my "friends" and even my "girlfriend" love to talk about me behind my back, most of the time I'm like you, wondering if theres someone out there like me, someone who could love me and make me feel safe and accept me for who I am.

As to the last part In not really like that. i dont give a damn anymore about people and couldnt care less about friends at this point.
I got quite unlucky, now brain damage is done only thing i want is to ctb and finally stop this rage inside and regret.

 

[Hyakkimaru]

I feel the same and that's awful, why are you with them? I'm sorry, I know that's a stupid question since I think I know the answer. I say I'd rather be alone and I am right now but now, I feel the emptiness.

The only reason I'm with them right now is because I have no one else (im guessing thats what you meant) and to be totally honest both my parents kicked me out before I turned 18 and ever since then, I've been trying to get my life together, recently I've gotten a job at walmart but I don't even see the point, if I'm working a dead end job to get into a dead end career later after college and I'll be working that dead end career to pay for the debt of my studys. If the whole point is to get a home with this girl I love and care about, that might not feel the same as me anymore. Why work so hard? I mean, I don't even want to exist. Why should I exist for other people? All it seems like to me is them being selfish trying to force me to live my life for them.