Hi, this is i believe my second post. I always just kind of lurk around and read because I dont feel like posting or talking. But I wanted to know if some of you guys feel the same thing. I'm tired and can't go on anymore and I want to end my life but I'm always scared to do it. What if I fail? I want to die, but I'm scared of killing myself. What if I panic in the midle of it and change my mind, I'm scared I will die in agony. I tried to talk to my friends a few times about my mental illness, but I always get a lecture about faith, religion or some stupid answer like everyone has problems, you just have to deal with them bla bla. It makes me feel like a coward just seeking attention. Anyone else feeling like a wimpy crybaby when talking about their mental illness or suicidal tendencies?
itsamadworld
i wanna die somewhere like up there
- Mar 15, 2020
- 410
I used to go to church, not a believer anymore because i have no evidence of their god. But I mainly left because people actually believed Jesus could change their human nature! I never saw evidence of that, infact, I may have seen the opposite. Many people behaved worse than the non-church goers, prolly cuz they
leaders were constantly gettin on everyone's case about sin all the time and god's sadistic hell...it's like "quit brow-beating me, DAng!" ... Also i got tired of christain-speak and all their programs, and how fake they were! People speaking same christain rhetoric- recycled over-and-over. Like, "i'll pray for you".......which was just a passive aggressive way of telling someone to stfu, or a means of which to tell you that they will gossip about you. It's not just the christiains that speak in "isms", I'm older than you probably, so I was fed "baby boomerisms". i was fed them at home and in the public skools- reach for the stars, listen to your heart/ intuition, life gives you lemons-make lemonade, fake it till you make it,....shit like that! Most people don't know what to say, or they are just repeating the crap they were fed...There's no cure for human nature. People will make you feel like a coward just to shut you down, so they can attempt to control how you think and feel....it's how our species is....
leaders were constantly gettin on everyone's case about sin all the time and god's sadistic hell...it's like "quit brow-beating me, DAng!" ... Also i got tired of christain-speak and all their programs, and how fake they were! People speaking same christain rhetoric- recycled over-and-over. Like, "i'll pray for you".......which was just a passive aggressive way of telling someone to stfu, or a means of which to tell you that they will gossip about you. It's not just the christiains that speak in "isms", I'm older than you probably, so I was fed "baby boomerisms". i was fed them at home and in the public skools- reach for the stars, listen to your heart/ intuition, life gives you lemons-make lemonade, fake it till you make it,....shit like that! Most people don't know what to say, or they are just repeating the crap they were fed...There's no cure for human nature. People will make you feel like a coward just to shut you down, so they can attempt to control how you think and feel....it's how our species is....
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That's so true. My family is religious, so I know what you are talking about, heard it all. They all have those same responeses to every situation that they learn by heart. They dont even listen, they just wait for you to finish talking so they can give you their speech...
Painless_end
Life is too difficult for me
- Oct 11, 2019
- 794
Yes, I am cowardly. But it is because my mind is pain averse and has very low pain threshold tolerance.
itsamadworld
i wanna die somewhere like up there
- Mar 15, 2020
- 410
Oh yes. I remember those days.I shut my dad down when he does that now....but i am older and I don't live with him, and i can now.... They don't even listen to you, whilst you speak, because they whole time- in their heads -they are preparing for what they are gonna say or what gospel verse to quote make it all better. Or they are thinking----what would Jesus do....lol another ism- not sure if that one is still being peddled around? Ug, the games ours species plays.....
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Painless_end
Life is too difficult for me
- Oct 11, 2019
- 794
I want to escape at any cost, but I want to do it painlessly.
coldeyes
the rumbling is comfy
- Jan 9, 2019
- 75
Watched video of guy hanged himself. It's scary, but it took one and half minutes and completely dead. One and a half minutes not much compared to decades of not wanting to live
I know. I'm planning to do that on sunday. Still kind of scared but I think it's time
coldeyes
the rumbling is comfy
- Jan 9, 2019
- 75
It's your call. But we wouldn't mind having you around to keep posting. But at it, it's your call.
LookingOverTheEdge
Hello Darkness my old friend
- Jul 13, 2020
- 356
After previous attempts have failed, I get that feeling of self hatred, and feel like a coward. But thinking about it outside of that moment, no I don't think any of it does make you a coward. Living is hard, and dying is hard. Living when you can't see any way forward, but having a body that will do anything it can to keep you here is hard. I don't think any of us are cowards. I think we're human, and we're imperfect, and we're doing the best we can in whatever direction we're heading in.
You can only really consider yourself a coward if you're comparing yourself to others, and one thing I've learnt in this life is that you can never compare yourself to others realistically. We're all so different. Just my thoughts
You can only really consider yourself a coward if you're comparing yourself to others, and one thing I've learnt in this life is that you can never compare yourself to others realistically. We're all so different. Just my thoughts
