UPDATE _ HOW THE FCUK DID I MANAGE TO DO ALL THAT?
Just finishing off the manuscript for book two before getting it typeset. My mind boggles at what I have done with my life. It certainly has been one heaven and hell of an adventure.
I am still gobsmacked at all I have achieved in my madcap existance. And how the blinking heck I fought terminal cancer, coped with the grief of losing my mum and bringing up two young kids after being dumped by my ex-missus while I was fighting for me life. Then returning to the tropics. Un effing believable.
How I remained strong against all the odds. Of course I was broken, scared and angry. But I spat in the face of death. I laughed at my impossible predicament. Facing death had changed me. I was a warrior on a "Do or Die" mission
*****
****
My journey through life began in Manchester, Northern England. I was blessed with a joyful upbringing in a close-knit family, alongside my two younger brothers. I embraced veganism at the tender age of five, a decision that was quite bizarre during an era when the concept of 'if you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding' ruled the roost. At the age of 9, I became a fan of Manchester City football club, and my loyalty has remained steadfast ever since.
I have always been a bit of a rebel, and I was kicked out of school when I was 16 for refusing to get my shoulder-length hair cut.
I had shitloads of girlfriends and shedloads of jobs ranging from truck driver to legal executive, transport manager to park policeman, and of course, disc jockey. I sauntered and grinned my way through life like a happy-go-lucky bloke.
In 1988, I had a moment of clarity, leading me to kick my meaningless office job in the head. I saw the folly of clockwatching in a dead-end job just to be able to afford to get pissed up at weekends and have enough dosh in the bank for an annual two-week summer holiday abroad. Life was far too magical to waste away slaving for peanuts in a shitty, mind-numbing job.
I flew to southeast Asia for a three-month backpacking adventure, exploring Singapore, Malaysia, and Thailand, and absolutely loved it. The glorious sunshine, the to-die-for beaches, and the embrace of the warm seas captured my heart. I had fallen in love with tropical Southeast Asia and knew that I would be with her for the rest of my days.
Ever since then, I've spent the majority of my time living in the beautiful lands of Thailand, Laos, and China. I've also pursued a diverse range of occupations. I've transitioned from instructing English to managing a sugar company training department in Thailand, from working for a hydropower company in Laos to managing my own English language centre in China. Life has taken me on a mind-blowing adventure, and I've embraced every twist and turn along the way.
I've got my very own little tribe—four children to three amazing ladies. So, here's the nitty-gritty: my eldest daughter, 32-year-old Selina, is working as a model in Bangkok. Eugene, her 26-year-old brother, is working in Blackpool, England. Francesca, my 24-year-old daughter, has found her home in Lille, France. And last but not least, Jo, my 15-year-old son, is keeping me company right here on Koh Lanta, Thailand.
Oh, what a year 2012 was, when my life fell apart. Back in the UK, fate dealt me a dead man's hand—two black aces and two black eights. That was the hand Wild Bill Hickock was holding when he was shot dead in 1876 in Deadwood, USA. The oncologist shot me down, telling me I had stage 4 mouth cancer and only six months to live. Subsequently, my beloved mother departed to join my father in the afterlife. Unbelievably, my wife dumped me, leaving me to take care of two young kids as I battled for my very existence.
Well, I fought like Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo in the last chance saloon, adopting a fruit-only diet and ditching all processed food. I forced my crippled body to push through the pain barrier with daily walks, and I also hit the Fat Boy Slim (gym). I was at war, and it was a war I had to win because my life depended on it.
In November 2017, I received the incredible news that I was cancer-free, despite all the odds. My oncologist was completely stunned by the miraculous outcome. I toured the UK, spreading inspiration with my uplifting speeches, and even stole the show with my unforgettable TED talk. In November 2019, I self-published my first book. Since then, I've managed to sell a whopping 7,000 copies. Not too shabby, even though I say so myself. And the cherry on top? Almost every single review has been a glowing five-star tribute. I made the impossible possible.
I couldn't resist the pull of the tropics, and so, on the 1st of October 2020, I found myself back in the vibrant city of Bangkok, along with my youngest son, Jo. Alfie, our trusty rescue dog, soared through the skies to reunite with us just one month later. Together, we began a new life on the beautiful island of Koh Lanta in the province of Krabi in southern Thailand.
Jo attended the local international school, while Alfie embraced his newfound life, running on the golden beaches and splashing in the warm blue sea.
As for myself, I was feeling nothing but pure bliss, basking in the sunshine. I was back home. I was finally "Somewhere I Belong."
*****
So, I have been there and had a terminal illness and believe me suicide was always on my mind as I endured the pain, confusion and heartache. But I couldn't top myself because I was alone with two young children as I battled to survive.
It took me over 10 years to fully heal both physically and emotionally. At last I was happy inside. I kept my heart locked tight and was protected by a suit of shiny armour. No one would ever hurt me again. But I was wrong.
I foolishly opened my heart to a woman who told me we were soulmates and we were meant to be She chased me for almost two years I gave her my soul, because I believed her. She destroyed me and I want nothing more than to CTB. A lot more to the horror and cruelty than you could possibly imagine.
I chainsmoke hoping that the cancer returns and walk through the jungle in flip flops praying that a cobra bites me.
So I understand how you feel. Life can be unbearable. It took me over a decade to heal and just a couple of days to be destroyed. I lost my mind and know the meaning of death before death
Death is a Dream.
These are Thoughts of a Madman
