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I used to say that I'm a student. But now I say I do freelancing. I have dabbled in it in the past but it's not what I'm doing now. The next problem is explaining why I can never afford to go out. It's such a problem.
Volatile, I know so well how you feel, but please do not give up on yourself or your career. We have a lot to offer. We think differently than other people, and we have gifts that others don't. Please believe me, and please do not give up on yourself or your career. Like you, I always think about how my neuroses/psychoses could be excused as quirkiness in my younger years, and now it's seen as more dire. Please don't fall prey to this thinking. We have a lot to offer the world, I am sure of it.
Maravilloso, it's maravilloso that you volunteer. It's no one's business how you make money. Don't feel like you owe people a response. You are contributing to society, and that is what matters. Tell people to eff themselves if they can't handle someone volunteering.
Yes. Mental illness has made my life hell - tainting every relationship, job, friendship, experience etc.
Getting a bullshit diagnosis on paper to make it official. I had a psych intake years ago when I was unable to sleep, eat or function in general. Told them I was thinking about suicide. Dr just said I was depressed and prescribed put me on meds. Years later I was diagnosed as bipolar. Hospitalizations suicide attempts on and on. Just want to die and be done with this.
Feel this completely.
I think about this often. It gets worse as I get older - the hopelessness and shame. I've always had troubles but as a teen I at least had hope for the future and people still had hope in me. But now I know that I'm finished.
I never took disability I just decided to become a sex worker which I know is totally messed up and I pay a high price for it in many ways. My self worth is beyond destroyed and beyond repair. If I did get therapy I'm sure it would take years to undo the damage from multiple abortions and repeat heartbreaks if it's even possible to recover. I do have emotional regulation problems and learning disability but for some reason I resented having to get on disability even though I probably would be better off now had I done so years ago. I'm not saying going on disability should be a source of shame and people who need it should not go on it, but I have a deep distrust of the system and because it doesn't really help people lead quality lives but just gives u a little bit of money that u can barely survive on. Then u develop a dependence on the government and because whatever the government gives it can take away on a whim. It just didn't make me feel at ease, plus the amount of time it takes u to get it and what a dreadful process this is. I'm not saying it should be easy but it doesn't take a genius to figure out who needs help and who just wants to use the system. It certainly doesn't take years. You can investigate people and find out within a reasonable amount of time.
Right? Lol! I really hate when people ask me what I do, this even comes from guys I see who pay me lol! Dude this is what I do, I don't feel capable of holding a normal job because I can't control my responses when I feel the rage come on in a work environment, or extreme frustration during the periods of idle time at many work places. I don't know how to manage the constant changes in moods and stuff. I can handle people for an hour at a time lol!
ASPD. I got that too! Clinical depression, bi polar type one effective and anxiety. A therapists wet dream. Never been embarrassed by it. Every one I know knows 'I'm not quite right'. So sometimes I wear the fucker like a badge
