Volatile
God
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,286
im nearing 30 and feel pathetic. I'll never have a career. Being mentally ill as a teen is just a quirk, but it morphs into outcast.
Just another reason to ctb.
Just another reason to ctb.
Yes, I am a little embarrassed to admit that I am on SSI because of my history of severe depression. I do not like to admit either unless I think that the person I am communicating with can be trusted. Of course, my reluctance to admit to being on SSI and having depression leaves me at a loss when people ask me, "What do you do?" I usually say that I volunteer at church (and for the past few months, that I am a caregiver for my mother), but when people ask "What do you do?", I think they usually mean "What is your source of income?" By definition, volunteers are not paid: neither are most caregivers to infirm and/or elderly relatives.
I used to say that I'm a student. But now I say I do freelancing. I have dabbled in it in the past but it's not what I'm doing now. The next problem is explaining why I can never afford to go out. It's such a problem.Yes, I am a little embarrassed to admit that I am on SSI because of my history of severe depression. I do not like to admit either unless I think that the person I am communicating with can be trusted. Of course, my reluctance to admit to being on SSI and having depression leaves me at a loss when people ask me, "What do you do?" I usually say that I volunteer at church (and for the past few months, that I am a caregiver for my mother), but when people ask "What do you do?", I think they usually mean "What is your source of income?" By definition, volunteers are not paid: neither are most caregivers to infirm and/or elderly relatives.
im nearing 30 and feel pathetic. I'll never have a career. Being mentally ill as a teen is just a quirk, but it morphs into outcast.
Just another reason to ctb.
Volatile, I know so well how you feel, but please do not give up on yourself or your career. We have a lot to offer. We think differently than other people, and we have gifts that others don't. Please believe me, and please do not give up on yourself or your career. Like you, I always think about how my neuroses/psychoses could be excused as quirkiness in my younger years, and now it's seen as more dire. Please don't fall prey to this thinking. We have a lot to offer the world, I am sure of it.im nearing 30 and feel pathetic. I'll never have a career. Being mentally ill as a teen is just a quirk, but it morphs into outcast.
Just another reason to ctb.
Maravilloso, it's maravilloso that you volunteer. It's no one's business how you make money. Don't feel like you owe people a response. You are contributing to society, and that is what matters. Tell people to eff themselves if they can't handle someone volunteering.Yes, I am a little embarrassed to admit that I am on SSI because of my history of severe depression. I do not like to admit either unless I think that the person I am communicating with can be trusted. Of course, my reluctance to admit to being on SSI and having depression leaves me at a loss when people ask me, "What do you do?" I usually say that I volunteer at church (and for the past few months, that I am a caregiver for my mother), but when people ask "What do you do?", I think they usually mean "What is your source of income?" By definition, volunteers are not paid: neither are most caregivers to infirm and/or elderly relatives.
Yes. Mental illness has made my life hell - tainting every relationship, job, friendship, experience etc.im nearing 30 and feel pathetic. I'll never have a career. Being mentally ill as a teen is just a quirk, but it morphs into outcast.
Just another reason to ctb.
Getting a bullshit diagnosis on paper to make it official. I had a psych intake years ago when I was unable to sleep, eat or function in general. Told them I was thinking about suicide. Dr just said I was depressed and prescribed put me on meds. Years later I was diagnosed as bipolar. Hospitalizations suicide attempts on and on. Just want to die and be done with this.There's nothing worse than being unable to work and having to answer "what do you do" questions. I am mentally ill, the medical system has failed me, I'm up to my eyeballs in debt and I can't get benefits because they don't really know what's going on with me. What a wonderful world.
Feel this completely.It's just so sad what kind of situation we find ourselves in. When we are jobless and face innumerable setbacks such as health, homelessness, hunger, debt,, hell even the pursuit of happiness is lost in transition. Then when we have a job atleast according to me it's just as bad being forced to do something you don't like just to barely survive let alone thrive. It's just so pathetic how the human system has been rigged to the point of unnecessary suffering amounting to the millions perhaps billions of people forced to do shit they don't like and every lifer just goes along with the typical life script bullshit and taunts 'Welp that's just life' or 'It is what it is' as if those are justifiable answers. What's the point of trying when the harder you try the harder you fall?
I think about this often. It gets worse as I get older - the hopelessness and shame. I've always had troubles but as a teen I at least had hope for the future and people still had hope in me. But now I know that I'm finished.im nearing 30 and feel pathetic. I'll never have a career. Being mentally ill as a teen is just a quirk, but it morphs into outcast.
Just another reason to ctb.
I never took disability I just decided to become a sex worker which I know is totally messed up and I pay a high price for it in many ways. My self worth is beyond destroyed and beyond repair. If I did get therapy I'm sure it would take years to undo the damage from multiple abortions and repeat heartbreaks if it's even possible to recover. I do have emotional regulation problems and learning disability but for some reason I resented having to get on disability even though I probably would be better off now had I done so years ago. I'm not saying going on disability should be a source of shame and people who need it should not go on it, but I have a deep distrust of the system and because it doesn't really help people lead quality lives but just gives u a little bit of money that u can barely survive on. Then u develop a dependence on the government and because whatever the government gives it can take away on a whim. It just didn't make me feel at ease, plus the amount of time it takes u to get it and what a dreadful process this is. I'm not saying it should be easy but it doesn't take a genius to figure out who needs help and who just wants to use the system. It certainly doesn't take years. You can investigate people and find out within a reasonable amount of time.im nearing 30 and feel pathetic. I'll never have a career. Being mentally ill as a teen is just a quirk, but it morphs into outcast.
Just another reason to ctb.
Right? Lol! I really hate when people ask me what I do, this even comes from guys I see who pay me lol! Dude this is what I do, I don't feel capable of holding a normal job because I can't control my responses when I feel the rage come on in a work environment, or extreme frustration during the periods of idle time at many work places. I don't know how to manage the constant changes in moods and stuff. I can handle people for an hour at a time lol!There's nothing worse than being unable to work and having to answer "what do you do" questions. I am mentally ill, the medical system has failed me, I'm up to my eyeballs in debt and I can't get benefits because they don't really know what's going on with me. What a wonderful world.
I didn't have a problem getting disability. The government always denies it when you apply, unless you're blind or quadriplegic or something like that. So you have to appeal. But for me on my first appeal I got the disability. And on average it goes up about $5 every year. $5 isn't enough to help with jack shit unless you just want a soda at a gas station, but at least it doesn't go down $5.
ASPD. I got that too! Clinical depression, bi polar type one effective and anxiety. A therapists wet dream. Never been embarrassed by it. Every one I know knows 'I'm not quite right'. So sometimes I wear the fucker like a badgeI was clinically diagnosed about a year and a half ago as a sociopath. I found that rather interesting.