Anyone else CTB in part to avoid hurting others?

[radicalfreedom]

I am currently going through my plans for killing myself. Getting equipment, writing my goodbyes, making sure financial stuff is in order. With luck, in about 2 weeks, I will be gone.

One thing that makes me really sad is that part of why I am doing this is because I am scared I might try to hurt someone else. Won't go into details, but there are definitely a lot of bad people out there and the world would be a better place without them. I really wish it was them instead of me, but I don't want to be remembered for violence.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I have a lot of misanthropic thoughts, but I know it's not my place to pass my own version of "justice" upon others. I plan on self destructing vs taking it out on others.

 

[FindingTheEnd]

I used to feel that way yes, my anger issues got better though. But i do understand.

 

[radicalfreedom]

I used to feel that way yes, my anger issues got better though. But i do understand.

What worked for you on anger? My violent/homicidal thoughts are way scarier than my suicidal ones.

 

[Trilucid]

I would say I can relate to this.
If I could punish the people that have caused my misery, torment and humiliation in the past, it would probably be an entire building being crushed to the ground with them.
And yet, I feel that the one thing that makes me different than them is this - My will.
To not be dog filth like they are. To try be there for others a bit more and maybe, just maybe, manage to leave on my own accord, in peace, without attracting too much attention.

I do get very angry from thoughts of someone denying me my right to die though.
If I could or would attack someone, it would be probably only because of that reason.

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

I am currently going through my plans for killing myself. Getting equipment, writing my goodbyes, making sure financial stuff is in order. With luck, in about 2 weeks, I will be gone.

One thing that makes me really sad is that part of why I am doing this is because I am scared I might try to hurt someone else. Won't go into details, but there are definitely a lot of bad people out there and the world would be a better place without them. I really wish it was them instead of me, but I don't want to be remembered for violence.

Yes I often feel this way. I have thoughts such as "My purpose is to punish those that cause harm", as I have been harmed (and have had people attempt to harm) me through no fault of my own.
But harming others is a self indulgent, selfish practice- a failure to restrain emotion for the good of others. It leads to more harm- the friends and relatives of those you've caused harm, and anyone else horrified by your actions, contributing to the creation of more dangerous, unhappy people.

It's ironic that the very thing that makes me want to cause harm (being harmed) is the very reason why I won't.
Further, I won't add guilt into the mix. After living in pain and having PTSD for so many years, I don't want the guilt of harming someone else in such a way.