Anyone else been depressed so long they have lost all sense of reality and themselves?

[KlMeNw]

I started my Major Depressive Disorder when I was just a teenager, I'm 39 now. I wasn't diagnosed or treated until about two years ago. Been on Ketamine, Bupropion, Straterra, and Luvox for a while and have slowly been climbing up out of my depression. The funny thing is, now that I'm starting to improve a little, it's allowing me to see just how much of myself was diminished and distorted, and just how small and twisted the world I'd been living in was. I feel like i'm starting to wake out of a hellish fever dream/coma and the last thing I remember is the feeling of being a teen. I don't know how to feel like a functioning adult because I haven't felt anything for 25 years. It's a new nightmare.

 

[piger]

I sometimes question how real my memories are anymore. I have small glimmers of improvement but I get dragged back down.

 

[coyotestark]

I started my Major Depressive Disorder when I was just a teenager, I'm 39 now. I wasn't diagnosed or treated until about two years ago. Been on Ketamine, Bupropion, Straterra, and Luvox for a while and have slowly been climbing up out of my depression. The funny thing is, now that I'm starting to improve a little, it's allowing me to see just how much of myself was diminished and distorted, and just how small and twisted the world I'd been living in was. I feel like i'm starting to wake out of a hellish fever dream/coma and the last thing I remember is the feeling of being a teen. I don't know how to feel like a functioning adult because I haven't felt anything for 25 years. It's a new nightmare.

Your thoughts and feelings echo mine. Please look into depersonalization disorder.

 

[Zegers]

I have spent years practically isolated and you lose the notion of day to day.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Yep. I'm 35 and got a MDD diagnosis at 16.

I have been largely unmedicated for most of my life.

The last time I was on meds was 2014.

Most antidepressants didn't work for me because they made me manic.

I've tried CBD, psilocybin microdosing - nothing has worked for me.

I cope by basically never being present unless I'm playing video games.

But I can't help but feel I am falling short of my potential because I am not able to mentally and emotionally function like a normal person.

 

[Krieger]

I have frequent depersonalization & derealization

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

Nothing is Real, but yET! Every second, a reminder…

THIS ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE

 

[KlMeNw]

Best wishes to all of us lost souls, Godspeed to whatever resolution ends our suffering.

 

[StolenLife]

I was sad since I can remember, but ever since I turned twelve it's been a nightmare. I don't think I've ever been normal.

 

[Winterreise]

I'm becoming weaker. People look busier, sound angrier than ever. How did I get this far

 

[Blue_mist]

Diagnosed in 2001 and it's been getting worse year by year, i can't think straight, brain fog, sometimes i feel like swirling in huge whirlpool, no sense of time and lack purpose. lately I've become extremely agitated and angry all the time and i hate people, thier voices, shapes, smells. Gosh i can't stand people anymore. Trying these days to destroy every relationship i have because of this.

 

[Wannagonow]

I can appreciate your feeling like you're in a new nightmare. That must be hard. Unfortunately I'm still living the old one. Diagnosed 30+ years ago and become more and more lost every year. Rarely leave the house and avoid people like the plague. Tried a TON of different medications all through the years. Still taking them- I'm very medication resistant. I think doc's continue to prescribe because it makes them feel like they're doing something. I hope you tackle your new nightmare. I'm sure it can be done if you really want it.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Yes