Anyone else also goes through phases?

[DreamEnd]

I got my sn a year ago and since then I have felt desperate, at peace, angry and in despair. But lately it has been peace. Knowing I can quit anytime I want. Does anyone else also go through this different feelings?

 

[snoot]

It's sort of like relief of knowing there is a way out after all?
I have days where I am in so much pain, and others where I can just "let go" and feel happy I won't have to put up with living.
Unfortunately I can't order any sn so my cycles of despair and peace are extremely fast paced, which only makes me more desperate to ctb ultimately.

 

[DreamEnd]

It's sort of like relief of knowing there is a way out after all?
I have days where I am in so much pain, and others where I can just "let go" and feel happy I won't have to put up with living.
Unfortunately I can't order any sn so my cycles of despair and peace are extremely fast paced, which only makes me more desperate to ctb ultimately.

yeah almost a little relief that there is an end to the suffering. Despite the recent sn hate threads shitting on a method i still have some hope that it will work

 

[SVEN]

I believe that's fairly usual, feeling up and down I mean. I totally get how having the means of ctb in your possession must be really reassuring. Whether you ever use it or not you know it's there and that puts you in control.
Treasure your stash, man.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It was phases for me for quite a while. At least that's what I thought it was. But it seems the older I get and the more I learn about myself, the phases start to homogenize into a perpetual reality that I must accept. Only problem is I know I will never be able to accept it and the desire to CTB intensifies and never recedes.