StateOfMind
Liberty or Death
- Apr 30, 2020
- 1,195
Not quite sure how to explain this.
It seems my mind is experiencing a constant rush of unsolicited thoughts.
Flashbacks, memories, snippets of dreams and random thoughts constantly intrude my consciousness and debilitate my cognitve fucntions.
My dreams tend to be mostly positive, vivid and feel very realistic.
I'm guessing my subconscious is compensation for the reality of hell that I wake up to every morning.
Every time I wake up its like "ah bummer my life is a nightmare and I'm still alive".
It takes me about four hours after initially waking up to finally make it out of bed.
Its like my mind is in constant overdrive.
Its difficult to focus on anything.
My official diagnosis is schizophrenia and bipolar.
I don't think this is true since I dont exhibet any of those symptons, it feels more like PTSD and depression due to multiple massive trauma I have experienced over the last four years.
I self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes and I don't take any medication.
Ive considered meditation again but that just makes want to sleep.
In terms of physical health I'm not really able to exercise.
Even basic things like taking a run is not possible anymore. (Very humiliating for someone who used to be extremely athletic)
All I do is walk or ride with the bike to the shops the rest of the time I just sit in front of the PC or TV. (This can't be good)
Last time I went for a short run I almost passed out.
Hopefully I will be gone soon.
It seems my mind is experiencing a constant rush of unsolicited thoughts.
Flashbacks, memories, snippets of dreams and random thoughts constantly intrude my consciousness and debilitate my cognitve fucntions.
My dreams tend to be mostly positive, vivid and feel very realistic.
I'm guessing my subconscious is compensation for the reality of hell that I wake up to every morning.
Every time I wake up its like "ah bummer my life is a nightmare and I'm still alive".
It takes me about four hours after initially waking up to finally make it out of bed.
Its like my mind is in constant overdrive.
Its difficult to focus on anything.
My official diagnosis is schizophrenia and bipolar.
I don't think this is true since I dont exhibet any of those symptons, it feels more like PTSD and depression due to multiple massive trauma I have experienced over the last four years.
I self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes and I don't take any medication.
Ive considered meditation again but that just makes want to sleep.
In terms of physical health I'm not really able to exercise.
Even basic things like taking a run is not possible anymore. (Very humiliating for someone who used to be extremely athletic)
All I do is walk or ride with the bike to the shops the rest of the time I just sit in front of the PC or TV. (This can't be good)
Last time I went for a short run I almost passed out.
Hopefully I will be gone soon.