Venting Anyone catching the bus over a lost love?

[EndItQuickly]

I'm currently married to a wonderful, beautiful happy woman. I've always thought that if I try to move on from my ex the feelings of longing and despair would subside. The connection I had with my ex was unlike anything felt with another person. We would stay up talking all night, deep and meaningful and effortless conversation, the kind of laughing that was so carefree and happy, I truly believed that she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen...I was simply infinitely interested in her.

She was more ambitious than me, which led to us living a great distance from each other. She moved on seemingly easily, she's engaged now to a wealthy dentist/business man. The reality of it all is crushing.

It's been 14 years and I still feel that emptiness...my situation won't get better so I've decided that leaving this world will give my wife enough time to find someone better and have children before it's too late. No one knows I feel this way; I've been literally lying to myself and everyone around me for 14 long years. It's made life so incredibly depressing and exhausting. Of course, this isn't the only reason I'll CTB next month, but it has been a heavy emotional burden. I know on paper this doesn't sound like much, but I am so desperate to escape this pain :/

Sorry for the long venting post, but is anyone else in a similar boat?

 

[WhiteDespair]

When I lost my ex, I didn't want to CtB. I just spend every night for a month drunk. Funny that.

My condolences.

 

[AnxiouslyDepressed]

Yes one of the main reasons

 

[Kotochan]

It's not the reason I want to CTB but I truly miss my ex. They are such a lovely person. It's like I never realized there was this huge part of me missing until I met them. I still see them every few weeks because we ended on good terms but I just get so sad whenever I think about it - think about them loving life without me. It's hard to accurately put into words lol. They're just so great and even now they are the main thing holding me here. I don't want to say goodbye forever... but it's for the best haha.

I just hope they will be okay :(

 

[MourningHeart]

I'm currently married to a wonderful, beautiful happy woman. I've always thought that if I try to move on from my ex the feelings of longing and despair would subside. The connection I had with my ex was unlike anything felt with another person. We would stay up talking all night, deep and meaningful and effortless conversation, the kind of laughing that was so carefree and happy, I truly believed that she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen...I was simply infinitely interested in her.

She was more ambitious than me, which led to us living a great distance from each other. She moved on seemingly easily, she's engaged now to a wealthy dentist/business man. The reality of it all is crushing.

It's been 14 years and I still feel that emptiness...my situation won't get better so I've decided that leaving this world will give my wife enough time to find someone better and have children before it's too late. No one knows I feel this way; I've been literally lying to myself and everyone around me for 14 long years. It's made life so incredibly depressing and exhausting. Of course, this isn't the only reason I'll CTB next month, but it has been a heavy emotional burden. I know on paper this doesn't sound like much, but I am so desperate to escape this pain :/

Sorry for the long venting post, but is anyone else in a similar boat?

I'm sorry for how you feel.
Yes, my main reason for to CTB is also the loss of my true love. I am currently getting divorced from the woman with whom I feel such a deep bond as you had with your ex.

Of course time does not heal all wounds and not everyone can 'just marry another', as you have to experience painfully. I do not know what makes some people to suddenly and literally have a change of heart. The reasons may be different and diverse.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[lotus11]

I can relate to this SO much. I found one person I can't be with who I simply can't explain the connection. But he is ambitious and very successful in all...i....well, I try, I just seem to fail in all. No doubt he will find a woman successful like him. But I doubt I can just 'find another person', that connection was like nothing else

 

[truthseeker]

It's one of many factors for me. Not sure how to place it, by it's self perhaps not but added with depression it has been overwhelming at times, especially the first years after I lost that person in a bizarre and tragic way. Maybe the greatest loves aren't necessarily meant to go the distance.. For someone like me with so many health problems from the head down, I felt so fortunate to meet someone who could accept and love me for who and what I am. There's no doubt in my mind that I met my "soulmate" as it were. Words cannot describe how I felt from beginning to end and the years after.

 

[SickSadWorld]

Yeah, it's one of the main reasons I want to go. I got replaced by someone much better than me. We got in a fight over something stupid which was the last time I saw them. They still wanted to hang out/be with me after but I refused. some time later I told them I missed them, they said they couldnt be with me again over dms. I didn't get real closure. I knew my ex for such a long time and now we're like strangers. I haven't been that close with anyone. I unfortunitely don't have any friends. I had a break down because I ended up with nothing and no one. knowing he is with someone else kills me. i lost myself and ruined my looks and my brain is fried from heartache and stress. i havent gone out in months. this has changed me into something i hate. i don't have the energy to fix myself again. i'm eternally heartbroken. my future will never be the way i wanted.

 

[Funeralprincess]

I'm currently married to a wonderful, beautiful happy woman. I've always thought that if I try to move on from my ex the feelings of longing and despair would subside. The connection I had with my ex was unlike anything felt with another person. We would stay up talking all night, deep and meaningful and effortless conversation, the kind of laughing that was so carefree and happy, I truly believed that she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen...I was simply infinitely interested in her.

She was more ambitious than me, which led to us living a great distance from each other. She moved on seemingly easily, she's engaged now to a wealthy dentist/business man. The reality of it all is crushing.

It's been 14 years and I still feel that emptiness...my situation won't get better so I've decided that leaving this world will give my wife enough time to find someone better and have children before it's too late. No one knows I feel this way; I've been literally lying to myself and everyone around me for 14 long years. It's made life so incredibly depressing and exhausting. Of course, this isn't the only reason I'll CTB next month, but it has been a heavy emotional burden. I know on paper this doesn't sound like much, but I am so desperate to escape this pain :/

Sorry for the long venting post, but is anyone else in a similar boat?

I understand this and believe it or not, lots of people are in your situation. It does sound like your ex found a much better match for her, however that doesn't mean that what happened didn't affect you and harm you deeply. I don't know how things ended but my ex (who is also very financially successful and very sweet too) had led me on to believe we would try our relationship again. I deeply loved him even at his worst, and it is what's put me in the position I'm in now with wanting to kill myself because of how the situation played out. It hurts pretty damn bad when you love a person so deeply. I tried to "move on" too but no connection was ever the same. I couldn't bring myself to pretend to like someone else and drag them along with me so I understand why you want your new girl to be able to find someone