Morgengrauen
Sunshine Ward
- Sep 10, 2023
- 99
The past month or so i've been spiraling down further, generally mentally, but especially psychotic disorder. I'm quite sure i'm somewhere on the schizo-spectrum but don't have an idea what exactly is wrong with me/don't have a formal diagnosis since last time i mentioned having psychotic features i got traumatized badly in a psych ward and just lied my way out of it. so could be either schizophrenia or schizo affective disorder, not like it really matters.
Basically, all the symptoms along other issues have been getting worse, both positive and negative symptoms but especially the negative symptoms are getting worse and i don't know how to combat this on my own. All, emotionally, cognitive functions and even physical movements been slowly going down the drain and it gets harder and harder to still function in day to day life and also mask in public. Which makes the positive symptoms, especially certain delusions worse because i simply feel like a zombie slowly rotting away. My body doesn't move how i want it to, i'm just stumbling around awkwardly, can't concentrate, alogia is slowly deteriorating my vocabulary making it harder to form any coherent sentence for others to understand (you won't believe just how long it takes to just type this out. apologies if it still all reads like a mess) and all emotions i'm capable of feeling are basically complete numbness or just pain. Can't really point what exact emotion this even is, all i know is that it hurts badly and makes me want to scream like a hurt animal.
Long ah rant i'm sorry. But i guess i'm dropping this here in hopes others may have any useful coping skills because everywhere else i'm looking it's either just "take meds, go inpatient" or people equally being lost and just sitting in the pain.
Thanks for taking the time to read and have a great day
Basically, all the symptoms along other issues have been getting worse, both positive and negative symptoms but especially the negative symptoms are getting worse and i don't know how to combat this on my own. All, emotionally, cognitive functions and even physical movements been slowly going down the drain and it gets harder and harder to still function in day to day life and also mask in public. Which makes the positive symptoms, especially certain delusions worse because i simply feel like a zombie slowly rotting away. My body doesn't move how i want it to, i'm just stumbling around awkwardly, can't concentrate, alogia is slowly deteriorating my vocabulary making it harder to form any coherent sentence for others to understand (you won't believe just how long it takes to just type this out. apologies if it still all reads like a mess) and all emotions i'm capable of feeling are basically complete numbness or just pain. Can't really point what exact emotion this even is, all i know is that it hurts badly and makes me want to scream like a hurt animal.
Long ah rant i'm sorry. But i guess i'm dropping this here in hopes others may have any useful coping skills because everywhere else i'm looking it's either just "take meds, go inpatient" or people equally being lost and just sitting in the pain.
Thanks for taking the time to read and have a great day
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