Any other young people planning their demise?

[AintNoWayOut]

21 here. shittiest part about this all is that im so young, and didnt get to experience much of life at all, especially considering my life ruining pain began at 16. i never got to enjoy my youth, the most formative years of my life. those are years i'll never get back... in fact, even as i speak now, i should be out living a normal life, partying or hanging out with friends. but instead im depressed all the time, with my mind full of thoughts of regret and hopelessness, planning on death far too soon. and when i go out, i wont even have many great memories to bring with me. who else relates?

 

[HereToday]

Depends what you consider young, I'm 24. I relate to your post so much. My life was suffering from the very beginning to the end. I wish I had a normal life

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

24 too. 25 here. Wanted to opt out since 14. Seemingly exhausted my other options at around 22. Nothing feels great enough to remember. My only wish is to have meaningful connections to people around me so I could make their life better, but I just can't, and at this point I'm burned out of trying.

Edit: gosh, I'm such a mess I can't remember I'm older by one year already. Sorry

 

[AintNoWayOut]

Depends what you consider young, I'm 24. I relate to your post so much. My life was suffering from the very beginning to the end. I wish I had a normal life

i wouldnt say i suffered since the very beginning. my childhood wasnt so bad, but then going into the teen years... yea, i was kind of an outcast and not the happiest. but still, compared to my life NOW, i realize i took a lot for granted and would give anything to go back and change things. i attribute most of my suffering to the physical pain i've been dealing with for the past five years, but thats not to say i didnt have other struggles and would've lived the perfect life had the pain not happened

theres a good chance i'd still be a depressed introvert with only like three friends who often leave me out, would have trouble making new friends/socializing, and that i'd lack common life experiences. but that would be infinitely better than my life now since i now cant enjoy ANYTHING, i doubt i'd be full on suicidal in that situation. and honestly, i feel like i was maturing around the time the pain began, and would've ended up more confident and outgoing going into the college years. i also feel like my friends matured since they used to tease me a lot in middle school/early school and we would've become closer. could be untrue, but still, just the thought that i could've improved my situation but then the pain had to jump in and steal that all from me is extremely frustrating and occupies my mind all day every day. no matter how you cut it my situation is shit. this timeline sucks.

sry for the long ass posts gotta vent lol

 

[BabyYoda]

18 here. Don't know if I can make it past 30.

 

[freaky3600]

I made my first attempt when I was 19 years old and that was even when I still had my friends who I love around me. I didn't feel like I was too young to be in that situation because I went through so much pain growing up, it felt like the right time. I think it's a bit tougher even when you're so young because a lot of people don't have the best of coping skills and if you've suffered through 10 years of pain at 20 years old, you feel like it's just never going to get better.

I am 46 now and I am on another downward spiral and this time all those friends are far away from me. Even with the age difference between everyone, I think we can all relate to one another. I had pushed my first experience to the back of my mind until I read your post. Sorry you're going through all of this.

 

[astro]

I'm 18 so I feel your pain. Going out like this wouldn't have been the worst thing but for the fact that I missed out on so many great things.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

26 here. It sucks to die young. It wasnt supposed to be like that but Ive seen enough of life and I dont see any other option

 

[AintNoWayOut]

guarantee i wont see 22. every day is too much of a struggle, physically and mentally. just so sick of it, if i had the resources i would've offed myself by 19 tbh. i dont want an attempt, i want to be successful. everything else has failed so this is a last resort.

 

[Shinbu]

Yeah. I wish I could check in at a hospital, and have maid. I wish maid was in every state in the u.s, and there was no question ask on why you want to check out. Just the phrase I want to die should be enough for maid. I didn't get to choose on being born or not. Damn right it should work this way. Also it should be free.

 

[precipice]

19. I don't think it'll happen super soon though. before 30 probably, definitely before 35. life the way it is now just isn't for me, I've got ADHD, bipolar, tons of learning disabilities, and seem to be developing schizophrenia. I am struggling through a degree and I just can't hold a job. I don't see the point in doing anything that's now necessary to live, and my delusions and mood swings are so severe I don't how to trust myself or anyone else anymore.

 

[marcusuk63]

if it`s any consolation and i dont want to encourage you but i`m 56 and i lived in the good old days before everything was fucked up and you could say what you wanted without fear of offending anyone and getting arrested for hurting their feeling, i wanted to ctb since i was 23 and have somehow managed to get to this ripe old age, i have no idea how, was it worth it ? imo nope you just have brief moments in time when you kid yourself you are happy then it all come tumbling down again and again .... this is my last year as i`ve fucked everything up to an epic proportion this time and i just dont have the strength, will or finances or youth to start all over again . i really wish i had ctb when i 1st wanted to.

Disclaimer , dont kill yourself , you have your whole life ahead of you blaa blaa

 

[LegaliseIt!]

if it`s any consolation and i dont want to encourage you but i`m 56 and i lived in the good old days before everything was fucked up and you could say what you wanted without fear of offending anyone and getting arrested for hurting their feeling, i wanted to ctb since i was 23 and have somehow managed to get to this ripe old age, i have no idea how, was it worth it ? imo nope you just have brief moments in time when you kid yourself you are happy then it all come tumbling down again and again .... this is my last year as i`ve fucked everything up to an epic proportion this time and i just dont have the strength, will or finances or youth to start all over again . i really wish i had ctb when i 1st wanted to.

Disclaimer , dont kill yourself , you have your whole life ahead of you blaa blaa

For me, also 56, at a certain point, the fuckups got bigger, the finances got smaller, the energy drained, the favours were called in years ago, and no one actually wants me around, so why should I rebuild?
Disclaimer: Your results may vary.

 

[Fragile]

i'm 25 and many people tell me that i'm young, but i don't feel that way. i feel that i've suffered through enough, i remember that i wanted out since i was 10, the moment that i understood the concept of suicide i knew that my life would end that way. my first attempt was at 17 and ended up being saved, then i saw how my family reacted to it so i decided to give this life one more chance because of them, the way things turned out i guess it wouldn't been so bad if i had died that day, i would've spared myself and my family from so much pain.

i know that my life won't get better, i wasted many years doing nothing because of my illnesses, but now after years of struggling with many new things like addictions and health issues, i accepted that my end is getting closer and closer. i know that life can be beautiful, but my life was the opposite of that, there is no point in prolonging this any longer, i have to do it soon before i get to a point in which i can't CTB.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Disclaimer , dont kill yourself , you have your whole life ahead of you blaa blaa

That prolifer shit. Everything has gone to shit and cant go back.theres no reason to go on.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

That prolifer shit. Everything has gone to shit and cant go back.theres no reason to go on.

That's why we're here. Statistically, there might be a chance for you to make your life better if you can do something about it, but you aren't likely to see successful long-term recovery stories in this forum due to its nature. @marcusuk63 probably doesn't want his experience to contribute to others' hopelessness, for those who might eventually recover.

 

[Xaphous]

I never got to enjoy being young, then I spent all my 20s isolated. Literally every single day. Now im almost 30 and there is no way to be happy. Im not young anymore, there is no way to move forward if I missed out on everything?

 

[Lotus]

i'm 25 and many people tell me that i'm young, but i don't feel that way. i feel that i've suffered through enough, i remember that i wanted out since i was 10, the moment that i understood the concept of suicide i knew that my life would end that way. my first attempt was at 17 and ended up being saved, then i saw how my family reacted to it so i decided to give this life one more chance because of them, the way things turned out i guess it wouldn't been so bad if i had died that day, i would've spared myself and my family from so much pain.

i know that my life won't get better, i wasted many years doing nothing because of my illnesses, but now after years of struggling with many new things like addictions and health issues, i accepted that my end is getting closer and closer. i know that life can be beautiful, but my life was the opposite of that, there is no point in prolonging this any longer, i have to do it soon before i get to a point in which i can't CTB.

I can relate so much to this. I am 24, and people are telling me that I am so young and that I have a whole life in front of me. I don't feel like that at all. All I can see is so many lost years, and nothing to look forward to. I'm feeling like I should be living a regular uni student life, with studying, a social life and a part-time job, but I'm just at this place where I'm stuck and I can't move forward with anything in my life. I see what used to be my life just slowly fading away to nothing.

At this point I can't see myself turning 25. I've just had my first serious attempt, and even though it failed, I'm getting more and more certain that this is the way it's supposed to end. I wish I could just be ordinary, but I'm not, and I'm getting annoyed when anyone is bothering me about ordinary stuff.

 

[lymbo]

21 here. shittiest part about this all is that im so young, and didnt get to experience much of life at all, especially considering my life ruining pain began at 16. i never got to enjoy my youth, the most formative years of my life. those are years i'll never get back... in fact, even as i speak now, i should be out living a normal life, partying or hanging out with friends. but instead im depressed all the time, with my mind full of thoughts of regret and hopelessness, planning on death far too soon. and when i go out, i wont even have many great memories to bring with me. who else relates?

fryend , l so much can relate to your struggle, l may have wrote thys threat our lssues are so symmylar. never had a great lyfe but before the cronyc payn would never thynk to ctb; lyfe was bearable atleast l had hobbes to cope , but thy sytuatyoun wyth thys cronyc payn ys lytteraly absurd and styll cant belyeve yt came to thys, ym 31 years old

 

[TAW122]

I'm 29 here, and yes, I do have times where I thoroughly planned my demise, considered methods, and such. I too, lost some really good opportunities during my formative years (pre-teens to teens), partially due to my own fault, but also things outside of my control. I mostly now look back and think that it was mostly out of my control to begin with (Aspergers, social anxiety, general anxiety, and how others treated me, etc.). In my 20's while I did do some interesting things in life, it is generally hollow and while those accomplishments do bring some modicum of joy, it is all too fleeting. Right now, I'm already thinking of death on a constant basis, looking for an opening, and subconsciously waiting for something to be too much then I will end it all. This forum has brought me solace and a place of understanding and belonging, and in fact, it has been an important reason for my staying alive for the last two years. I'm not fully ready to go yet as I still have some things to do and also curious to see how things play out in the coming months.

 

[RedFive]

I know I might get shot down here. But I think under 25 is just way too young to be making these decisions.

i know I know, it's your choice. But life does change so fast, for good and for worse,

I suffered with mental health throughout my life, but had some good years, particularly when I was 18/21 doing the party scene. I attempted to catch the bus when I was 23 and regret it, as I went on to land a great job and met my fiancé a year later and had some wonderful moments.

Fast forward to now, early 30s. My fiancé left me a few months ago, and the Aussie bushfires have destroyed a lot I've worked hard for and now I'm back to where I was when I was 23

my point is things change SO fast. And at that age there's a possibility there simply hasn't been enough time for the good to happen to make a proper judgement that it's the best decision.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

I know I might get shot down here. But I think under 25 is just way too young to be making these decisions.

i know I know, it's your choice. But life does change so fast, for good and for worse,

I suffered with mental health throughout my life, but had some good years, particularly when I was 18/21 doing the party scene. I attempted to catch the bus when I was 23 and regret it, as I went on to land a great job and met my fiancé a year later and had some wonderful moments.

Fast forward to now, early 30s. My fiancé left me a few months ago, and the Aussie bushfires have destroyed a lot I've worked hard for and now I'm back to where I was when I was 23

my point is things change SO fast. And at that age there's a possibility there simply hasn't been enough time for the good to happen to make a proper judgement that it's the best decision.

thing is that i'd agree with you if my problem wasnt physical and likely permanent. i've been suffering from this for five years, every day, with no signs of it getting better, and it makes it a challenge to get through each day. prior to the physical pain, i had that mentality of "oh things change and can get better" which is what kept me going, but once the problem is constantly affecting you in your own body and theres no way to distract yourself from it or ignore it, and it affects everything you do on a daily basis? it changes your whole perspective. in my case, the pain likely wont get better, and as a result, my life cant get much better than it is now no matter what external factors change. so long as the pain remains, i could win a million dollars, find a loving girlfriend, etc etc but i'd probably still be miserable.

 

[Jean4]

26 here. It sucks to die young. It wasnt supposed to be like that but Ive seen enough of life and I dont see any other option

Cough

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Cough

????

 

[helIboy]

I'm 20, I wish things were different as stated in the OP's post but I guess this is the life I deserve.

 

[LadyAlastor]

24 too. 25 here. Wanted to opt out since 14. Seemingly exhausted my other options at around 22. Nothing feels great enough to remember. My only wish is to have meaningful connections to people around me so I could make their life better, but I just can't, and at this point I'm burned out of trying.

Edit: gosh, I'm such a mess I can't remember I'm older by one year already. Sorry

don't feel bad I went to the liquor store about 10 minutes ago to get a pack of cigarettes,they wanted to know my age I said it was 26 on accident when in reality I'm 29

 

[Jean4]

????

Just giving you a little I don't want you to go. Carry on.

 

[lmroch]

I'm 20, I wish things were different as stated in the OP's post but I guess this is the life I deserve.

​

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Just giving you a little I don't want you to go. Carry on.

Everyday is more difficult

 

[lymbo]

Everyday is more difficult

how u ynjured your collarbone?