Venting Any other autistic people have resentment towards other people with autism?

[ItsMe-Hecked]

Some of this post will likely come across as ableism, though it's not my intention.

For some background, I didn't get diagnosed with autism until age 16. I had plenty of other diagnoses that have added up since age 9, though; ADHD, ODD, Social Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar II, BPD, CPTSD, Dyslexia, and probably some other ones that I can't remember. Anyway, ever since the fourth grade I've been forced into Special ED classes. I always thought it was bullshit. I walk it, there are a bunch of nonverbal people, all older than me. I had to attend social skills group with them. In my mind, I was better than them. (I get how that sounds now, but I was an angry kid. It was almost certainly a narcissistic view of self that I picked up on from my parents.) I already knew how to have a conversation. Not effectively, but I could communicate my thoughts. At this point, I thought I was just some regular kid with ADHD that was bullied.


Now it's different from then, though. It feels like they're all succeeding and blissfully ignorant, meanwhile people who clearly aren't autistic are begging for a diagnosis to look cool on TikTok.


Don't know where I'm going with this post, but fuck. I should've really gotten a diagnosis earlier.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Anyway, ever since the fourth grade I've been forced into Special ED classes. I always thought it was bullshit. I walk it, there are a bunch of nonverbal people, all older than me. I had to attend social skills group with them. In my mind, I was better than them. (I get how that sounds now, but I was an angry kid. It was almost certainly a narcissistic view of self that I picked up on from my parents.) I already knew how to have a conversation. Not effectively, but I could communicate my thoughts. At this point, I thought I was just some regular kid with ADHD that was bullied.

I get your resentment. Another victim of the education system. I have NEVER been in a classroom, from gradeschool to college to technical school to fucking group therapy, where I felt others actually gave a shit and were trying like I was. The concept of teaching a bunch of people at the same time is just garbage.

 

[Nightmare Painting]

Getting the short end of the stick would make anyone feel at least a little frustrated whether it was related to autism or not.

 

[Simba]

Ive always been in small classes since 1st grade.. from 1st to 6th was in small class up to 12 for kids with behaviour problems idk then 7th grade came my parents wanted me in music class which was a regular class but didn't work out so ended up 2 months from end of school was sent to different school but was in small class for up to 9 or 8 classmates for people with communication problems i guess high functioning but still in regular school.. i can understand the resentment tho.. at least 1 or 2 of classmates (we ended up being 5 in the end) sort of fitted in idk.. im not jealous perse but it just sucks you know ? Like obviously the system didnt work for me plus the therapist there told one psychologist that i usetoo see that im was basically falling between the chairs/cracks whatever you wanna call it.. my teacher told me once that i can be myself BUT there's a price to pay for that.. that classmate of mine wasnt exactly the friendliest to everyone ig.. one time just before the holiday like i had an idea in my mind of whatever n he's was like if you do that then I'll punch your eyes that they'll fall down my throat n come out my mouth or whatever.. 13th grade i had a good friend from class that happens to be his friend too and i guess he didn't like that i was that guys friend.. so 1 day everyone was made sit in a circle and you know what ? The first thing the teacher or whoever asked "so - how did/does it feel that X/Simba was too much with simba/X ? " And they got to that guy n he's like "i felt like they took my friend away from me" you know what fuck this shit and then few years after i was made to feel like a fucking monster by some other fellow autistics.. like i dont have resentment for EVERY autistics people but for ones who did wrong or whatever and made me feel like a total shit of myself to this day and not even 1 fucking apology so yea plus that guy n that mean girl were also on the news and she was like i have cuts too n like fucking kidding me ???? I told her bout my SH and then she's like pointinh to place that i SH but you cant reason with some of them and lets not forget OH ITS NOT APPROPRIATE TO TALK ABOUT SUICIDE ITS NOT THE FORUM or RESPECT EVERYONE ELSE ,FOR STUFF LIKE THAT YOU'VE GOT FRIENDS (like PM n stuff) she and some of rest where gonna go file complaint bout me in cops station too then later she's like "oh but they probably wont do anything to her and probably leave her go cause of her mental state" like its NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS EVEN AND SHE'S TELLING EVERYONE IN GROUP LIKE WTF !!!!!!!!