Help Any of You Felt Life is Pointless & Got Over It?

[DepressedDude]

I've been suicidal several times before in life mostly because I felt like a failure and it would be easier to die than to try to make something of myself.

I still had energy and motivation all those times so would take care of myself and put in effort like dressing nicely and doing things like watching TV to pass the time.

Now my depressions because I hate the world, I think there's no point at all so why bother. I wear whatever clothes are easiest to grab from my wardrobe, have no goals or ambitions, I can't even watch TV anymore it's just too boring.

I should mention I was brain damaged by psych meds just prior to the onset of this depression which is why it got this bad but I've read a lot of other people having these symptoms without any damage from medication.

I was also religious as well, I guess I have no hope anymore because I know there's nothing looking after us but there are lots of people that are Atheists that aren't depressed so I don't know.

 

[Hvergelmir]

To me it's all about hope for the future. If there are alternatives I believe in, my meaning comes from pursuing that, even if odds are less than 50%.

Essentially I ask myself: Where do I want to be? What's required to get there? What are the odds of me succeeding?
If I find any alternative with a perceived success rate over like 5%, that tend to be enough. Suicide mostly comes to mind when I run out of alternatives.

In place of a formal religion I have an irrational unwavering belief; that a bright future is preferable to a dark one. That's enough to both guide my actions, and differentiate good from bad.

 

[LaughingGoat]

I don't want to be dishonest in answering your question and pretend that objective meaningless of everything isn't something that effects me, but when it comes to making time to help others my focus is strictly on reducing their suffering. Even though I know whatever I do is a miniscule drop in the ocean, I also think the whole allegory of the Starfish Story is a legitimate inspection of reality where the person being helped benefits in that moment regardless of impermanence or the "bigger picture".

So while plenty of my time alone is wrapped up in thoughts of existential philosophy, it's not a concern during times where I am actively helping others.

 

[thenamingofcats]

It's true that there's no objective meaning in life unless you believe in religion. And even then an atheist would describe that meaning as subjective, even though the religion presents it as objective. Basically a challenge as human beings is for us to find subjective meaning in our lives to make our lives matter. Most people do it through things like friends, family, pets, religion, jobs, hobbies, etc. It's interesting that for a few people it really seems that meaningless doesn't bother them at all. I thought I was one of them until I lost my home and then I realized oh, that was where my meaning was coming from. These days I don't have meaning and am depressed. I used to love thinking about the future and found it to be very exciting but the depression takes that away and makes the future pointless instead. Sometimes I try and think of the good possibilities of things that could be and get excited about that but it's hard.

 

[Linda]

I've been suicidal several times before in life mostly because I felt like a failure and it would be easier to die than to try to make something of myself.

I still had energy and motivation all those times so would take care of myself and put in effort like dressing nicely and doing things like watching TV to pass the time.

Now my depressions because I hate the world, I think there's no point at all so why bother. I wear whatever clothes are easiest to grab from my wardrobe, have no goals or ambitions, I can't even watch TV anymore it's just too boring.

I should mention I was brain damaged by psych meds just prior to the onset of this depression which is why it got this bad but I've read a lot of other people having these symptoms without any damage from medication.

I was also religious as well, I guess I have no hope anymore because I know there's nothing looking after us but there are lots of people that are Atheists that aren't depressed so I don't know.

I concluded when I was 16 that life has no ultimate purpose or meaning. I'm now in my 70s and I still hold that view. It means I have never had any strong attachment to life, but that is not the same as having a strong wish to ctb. It means that so long as there are more positive things in life (on a short term basis) than negative things, I feel that I might as well remain in the world. That will change if my husband dies before me, and then I will ctb.
If you can manage to get some positive things into your life, it might change your outlook.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

To me it's all about hope for the future. If there are alternatives I believe in, my meaning comes from pursuing that, even if odds are less than 50%.

Essentially I ask myself: Where do I want to be? What's required to get there? What are the odds of me succeeding?
If I find any alternative with a perceived success rate over like 5%, that tend to be enough. Suicide mostly comes to mind when I run out of alternatives.

This is exactly the same for me. I want to exhaust all other options before committing suicide. Currently, my aspirations are finishing my degree and getting a job in the field. Another aspiration is to find a partner, hopefully one who is in it for the long haul and won't cheat. Beyond that, there are no current other options that I have considered, primarily as a lot of feasible other options hinge on the aforementioned ones being successful.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Can I ask why you think you have brain damage from the meds?

 

[DepressedDude]

Can I ask why you think you have brain damage from the meds?

I've looked up symptoms of brain damage and I have basically all of them.

 

[All_is_in_vanity]

Yea. I don't care that it's pointless. But it has changed my morals a lot. I use to want to help people as a kid, now I see no point in it.

 

[Felodese]

Nope

 

[5nicotine]

I can't really help you with this. Life is absolutely pointless, I think my existence is useless and since I feel like I'm a bad person who has a negative impact on this world, I should ctb and help everyone. Through therapy I'm learning to get rid of that delusional side of me and get to the point where I can feel myself to have at least a neutral impact on the world. It'd make me less suicidal in this aspect.

I think I used to find interest in things like video games, shows, the internet when I was younger. However the anhedonia just got so bad that these days I manage to enjoy something maybe a few times a year. Even then I usually just drug myself to make those things enjoyable/quell the negative thinking.

What I do find enjoyment from is spending time with other people and having conversations with them. It's hard due to anxiety, but it really is the light of my life just appreciating other people as people. I've also found that I just need more intellectually difficult things to enjoy. I do math as a job, which stimulates me intellectually and really gives me the feeling that there are beatiful things in this world. However I get the same feeling from good books, reading philosophy, watching great art films. That also sometimes involves drugs, but not too regularly.

I don't feel as if those things have a point or that they give any meaning to my life, but experiencing beatiful things makes life bearable. I'd really like to be able to feel like I have some kind of *right* to live like people say about themselves and others, but I don't think I can make that fit with my philosophy on life. Therefore I'm just trying to make myself feel that I'm not a negative impact so I can keep on sailing with the tide and living life

Sorry that this is such a positive post.

 

[Artemisia]

Yes, life has no meaning... So eat, drink and be merry in any way you can.
I've been an atheist since I've known myself, so I always knew there was no higher purpose, but in my 20s and 30s still struggled with personal purpose, with doing something with my life. You know, be successful in the ways society tells us to be. I think by the time most people are in their 40s they realize most of their dreams and aspirations will never come true or they do come true and turn out not to be anything as expected. After that, it often happens a sort of illumination. At least, that's what happened to me... You stop giving too many damns. You start living for yourself and let go of big plans, big meanings, big expectations and start enjoying the little things: eating your favourite foods, going out to dinner with a good friend, spend the whole weekend sleeping and doing absolutely nothing useful, etc, etc.
That's my experience anyway.