CoolGuy9
Mage
- Mar 5, 2019
- 524
I would imagine that this is a rather common trait among suicidal people. If the answer is yes then why?
Dreaming big while struggling with the basics is sadly relatable for me. Thanks for introducing the word "brain fog" for me as it may be something I have.Yes. I have difficulty with basic times sometimes, I've heard it described as "brain fog." I have lots of ambition and have had dreams to do lots of things in my life but I know I can't do any of them which is one of my main reasons to CTB. I'm just a waste of space at this point.
tl;dr: feeling inferior, being treated as inferior, trying to struggle though life as inferior, etc., makes a life not worth living in.
long version:
It differs for different people, but I've realized I don't feel I matter initially because that's the way my parents treated me. It would be small things, like ordering a table of foods that I don't eat. Or burdening me with adult issues as if I didn't have my own needs, wants, and issues. And when it happens enough I unconsciously believed it.
And when the inferiority comes from the way your parents treat you, you aren't told that there's something wrong with them. You're told that you're parents love you, are doing the best they can, etc. Therefore, you start to think something is wrong with you, not them. In fact, you can be told that you're the one who needs therapy. No one tells you that's you're parents can be crappy or wrong.
And then it spreads. When you've been treated as inferior and believe it, you may not feel like you have a right to or understand good friends or relationships. People treat you like crap, and you mostly endure it. You don't feel like your hurt matters as much as other people's feelings or that you have enough right to say something because you don't matter. This feels especially true when what you have expressed before gets minimized or dismissed. Learned helplessness. You spend so much time enduring the bad people, you don't get to embrace the good people, assuming you even think you deserve good people. So when you feel inferior and people treat you as if you're inferior, it's not really a life worth living in. You try to have say, it doesn't work, so not much reason for hope with people.
And/Or when you think you're inferior, it can be hard to feel like you belong, so you don't build up that trusted social circle. And without the social support in a crappy world, life can feel like a never-ending struggle that isn't worth staying in, especially when you're fighting alone.
And/Or when you feel inferior, it's hard to embrace enjoyment. A mistake is another failure. And success can be simply trying to remain good enough. You don't feel great about yourself, and especially when mistakes occur despite doing your best, you can get tired of the struggle in life. It's hard to accomplish much, let alone overcome problems.
Combine it all, and it makes for a rather unenjoyable life. At least for me.
Even though I see myself ending my life because I learned too late, I am trying to recognize that I matter, that I have a right to this space on earth just as much as anyone else. Sure, people have their degrees and status and wealth, but if they're crappy people, they're crappy people and those other things don't make up for it. Some people here might see themselves as failures in life or otherwise inferior, but damn, there are some good people here. Something's wrong with this world when good people are treated like they're inferior.
tl;dr: feeling inferior, being treated as inferior, trying to struggle though life as inferior, etc., makes a life not worth living in.
long version:
It differs for different people, but I've realized I don't feel I matter initially because that's the way my parents treated me. It would be small things, like ordering a table of foods that I don't eat. Or burdening me with adult issues as if I didn't have my own needs, wants, and issues. And when it happens enough I unconsciously believed it.
And when the inferiority comes from the way your parents treat you, you aren't told that there's something wrong with them. You're told that you're parents love you, are doing the best they can, etc. Therefore, you start to think something is wrong with you, not them. In fact, you can be told that you're the one who needs therapy. No one tells you that's you're parents can be crappy or wrong.
And then it spreads. When you've been treated as inferior and believe it, you may not feel like you have a right to or understand good friends or relationships. People treat you like crap, and you mostly endure it. You don't feel like your hurt matters as much as other people's feelings or that you have enough right to say something because you don't matter. This feels especially true when what you have expressed before gets minimized or dismissed. Learned helplessness. You spend so much time enduring the bad people, you don't get to embrace the good people, assuming you even think you deserve good people. So when you feel inferior and people treat you as if you're inferior, it's not really a life worth living in. You try to have say, it doesn't work, so not much reason for hope with people.
And/Or when you think you're inferior, it can be hard to feel like you belong, so you don't build up that trusted social circle. And without the social support in a crappy world, life can feel like a never-ending struggle that isn't worth staying in, especially when you're fighting alone.
And/Or when you feel inferior, it's hard to embrace enjoyment. A mistake is another failure. And success can be simply trying to remain good enough. You don't feel great about yourself, and especially when mistakes occur despite doing your best, you can get tired of the struggle in life. It's hard to accomplish much, let alone overcome problems.
Combine it all, and it makes for a rather unenjoyable life. At least for me.
Even though I see myself ending my life because I learned too late, I am trying to recognize that I matter, that I have a right to this space on earth just as much as anyone else. Sure, people have their degrees and status and wealth, but if they're crappy people, they're crappy people and those other things don't make up for it. Some people here might see themselves as failures in life or otherwise inferior, but damn, there are some good people here. Something's wrong with this world when good people are treated like they're inferior.
You know when you read something, and it just hits you right in the face. Over the past year I have been trying to rationalise why I feel the way I do, not good enough, not belonging, not understanding people and or just avoiding social interaction, stuff like that. But reading your post just screams to me, like the family part does not apply to me but the rest does.
I'd just like to say thank you. I feel that you have put in to words what I could not say.
This is really thoughtful and makes a lot of sense. I'd say I'd probably been with a lot of crappy people, been taken for granted a lot of times, and sometimes I don't even know when people are looking down on me (which is even sadder) owing it to Aspergers and social ignorance, street ignorance, etc.tl;dr: feeling inferior, being treated as inferior, trying to struggle though life as inferior, etc., makes a life not worth living in.
long version:
It differs for different people, but I've realized I don't feel I matter initially because that's the way my parents treated me. It would be small things, like ordering a table of foods that I don't eat. Or burdening me with adult issues as if I didn't have my own needs, wants, and issues. And when it happens enough I unconsciously believed it.
And when the inferiority comes from the way your parents treat you, you aren't told that there's something wrong with them. You're told that you're parents love you, are doing the best they can, etc. Therefore, you start to think something is wrong with you, not them. In fact, you can be told that you're the one who needs therapy. No one tells you that's you're parents can be crappy or wrong.
And then it spreads. When you've been treated as inferior and believe it, you may not feel like you have a right to or understand good friends or relationships. People treat you like crap, and you mostly endure it. You don't feel like your hurt matters as much as other people's feelings or that you have enough right to say something because you don't matter. This feels especially true when what you have expressed before gets minimized or dismissed. Learned helplessness. You spend so much time enduring the bad people, you don't get to embrace the good people, assuming you even think you deserve good people. So when you feel inferior and people treat you as if you're inferior, it's not really a life worth living in. You try to have say, it doesn't work, so not much reason for hope with people.
And/Or when you think you're inferior, it can be hard to feel like you belong, so you don't build up that trusted social circle. And without the social support in a crappy world, life can feel like a never-ending struggle that isn't worth staying in, especially when you're fighting alone.
And/Or when you feel inferior, it's hard to embrace enjoyment. A mistake is another failure. And success can be simply trying to remain good enough. You don't feel great about yourself, and especially when mistakes occur despite doing your best, you can get tired of the struggle in life. It's hard to accomplish much, let alone overcome problems.
Combine it all, and it makes for a rather unenjoyable life. At least for me.
Even though I see myself ending my life because I learned too late, I am trying to recognize that I matter, that I have a right to this space on earth just as much as anyone else. Sure, people have their degrees and status and wealth, but if they're crappy people, they're crappy people and those other things don't make up for it. Some people here might see themselves as failures in life or otherwise inferior, but damn, there are some good people here. Something's wrong with this world when good people are treated like they're inferior.
I love this part.A mistake is another failure. And success can be simply trying to remain good enough.
Nah, i feel superior. Normal people can stnd the shit of this life but me no, i don t accept this.I would imagine that this is a rather common trait among suicidal people. If the answer is yes then why?
No.I would imagine that this is a rather common trait among suicidal people. If the answer is yes then why?