
StateOfMind
Liberty or Death
- Apr 30, 2020
- 1,195
Until everything went to shit in 2016 / 2017 I had a fairly meaningful life (interesting romances, social life and jobs etc), even though I was never particularly well-off.
But since then I've just been in and out of ICU / spych-ward so I had to move back in with my rents.
The last one and half years have been the most stable, but that's only due to my dependence on corrupt family, "friends" and the wealth-fare state.
This is really bad for self-esteem, pride, honor and legacy.
I miss the good days so much and I know it well never be like that again.
At this stage it just feels like I'm window shopping, observing everyone progressing and having decent lives while mine is progressively going down hill.
Even my younger sisters (in their early 20's) have managed to move out and live independently.
My life has become a sick joke - I would rather be a gay black / albino with ginger hair and aids in 1950's USA..
At least then there would still be few people I could trust.
But since then I've just been in and out of ICU / spych-ward so I had to move back in with my rents.
The last one and half years have been the most stable, but that's only due to my dependence on corrupt family, "friends" and the wealth-fare state.
This is really bad for self-esteem, pride, honor and legacy.
I miss the good days so much and I know it well never be like that again.
At this stage it just feels like I'm window shopping, observing everyone progressing and having decent lives while mine is progressively going down hill.
Even my younger sisters (in their early 20's) have managed to move out and live independently.
My life has become a sick joke - I would rather be a gay black / albino with ginger hair and aids in 1950's USA..
At least then there would still be few people I could trust.
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