Any fellow bipolars go through this cycle?

[blueskewtrue]

Feel extremely depressed and hopeless, plan CTB, get materials, write notes, see people for the last time, etc. Put it off for a few days to have everything 'perfect', then come out of it and instantly transition to mania. How can I even cope when the main source of my 'happiness' is not due to having a purpose or security in life but because my brain has decided to suddenly shift chemistries? It is a completely fraudulent happiness but even so I cant bring myself to CTB when like this. Tired of the roller coaster ride
'

 

[DeathSleep]

I'm bipolar. I can relate to the swings that come with it. I'm on meds now which reduces the severity of it. They still happen though. I remember when the swings were real bad. Its frustrating how there's no control over it. I hope you find peace.

 

[zombiegirl]

Feel extremely depressed and hopeless, plan CTB, get materials, write notes, see people for the last time, etc. Put it off for a few days to have everything 'perfect', then come out of it and instantly transition to mania. How can I even cope when the main source of my 'happiness' is not due to having a purpose or security in life but because my brain has decided to suddenly shift chemistries? It is a completely fraudulent happiness but even so I cant bring myself to CTB when like this. Tired of the roller coaster ride

oh my god same, the depressed version of me is intent on suicide, sees no other option, but manic me wants to milk the shit outta life and achieve all my dreams and experience all the thrills

 

[supergold#2]

also BP1 here, though i've got BPD and PTSD which makes things a lil complex; but honestly the big thing that's kept me stable (from bipolar episodes), has been my combo of meds, i.e. depakote (mood stabizer, Clozapine (antipsychotic) (also used to take latuda for a long time, it just didn't help for my bpd psychosis so i had to switch), andb weird as it sounds Desnethphenidate (ADHD meds), the MS and AP keep me stable, but the adhd meds help boost my mood back up to the pre-antipsychotics-level, which is nice, and while still not perfect, at least it's something?
but yeah, no meds = me not even looking at my phone/layimg in bed, or else building a lunar rocket from scratch or something

 

[cosmic-realism]

oh my god same, the depressed version of me is intent on suicide, sees no other option, but manic me wants to milk the shit outta life and achieve all my dreams and experience all the thrills

Are you me?

 

[graveface]

Yep, I've taken several major steps (will, cremation plan, etc) while depressed and then gotten back "up" only to wonder why I did that, then when "down" hits (which feels like reality breaking through the hopeful illusion) I remember why all too well.