WinterLovesMe
Stargazer
- Jun 23, 2023
- 8
For most of my adult life, I've undergone the same exact pattern with relationships. Not romantic ones, but all my close friendships.
I'm too anxiously attached to people. I moved away from home 5 years ago to a different continent, and since then I've had 3 different people that I've become incredibly close with, slowly begin to drift away from, panic, and then implode the relationship.
Now I'm going through it all over again and it is absolutely ruining me. I dont want to; I cant go through this again. Not this time. Not with my best friend.
We've known each other for around 6 months now, since october of last year, but only got close in January 2025. We had such great chemistry. We chatted and yapped and hopped on calls and played games together and went through so many different emotions together. We developed crushes on each other, then decided to not pursue it due to LDR, but remained so so close. She had a big move and grew a little distant and I got so close to CTBing. I was so scared in February: I saw her slipping away, I saw her distancing herself and not having as much time for us. I was so terrified of losing her. But then we got close, and even closer than before. In March we were besties, friends who called each other "My love" and shared intimacy that would make some romantic couples jealous.
But now, she's drifting again. But I know she's not; she just has other priorities. She wants to focus on others for a while, give them attention to, and I KNOW LOGICALLY that this is perfectly fine, that she still loves me deeply and that it's just an ebb and flow. But when she cancels our plans to do things with others, when we have so so little time for each other anymore and I always have to chase, its so hard to not see the signs of what I've undergone so many times now. I dont want to lose her, not her too.
I know I need to work on myself, on being happier on my own, on finding joy in life outside of being with her. But HOW?? I have hobbies I've tried to pick up, so many things. I go out for walks, I play a guitar, I write, I do so many things but none of them are even remotely as enjoyable as spending time with my favourite person. I don't know HOW to be better. I don't think she'll leave, and I trust that we'll come back to our previous closeness but god this feeling of distance is KILLING ME.
What's even worse is I HAVE a romantic partner. I have an amazing amazing loving girlfriend, who knows about all of this and is so loving and supportive, and she's been such a saint all the way but, she cant fix me. She's secure, she's safe, she doesnt have the same anxious thrill that my relationship with my best friend does. I just wish I could be a normal person, a normal friend. A friend who is okay with the ebbs and flows of a relationship, without seeing a single sign and catastrophising about it.
I know what's happening, I recognise my own flawed cognitions, I see and understand why its happening, but I don't know what I can do to stop feeling the way I feel. and its killing me.
I'm too anxiously attached to people. I moved away from home 5 years ago to a different continent, and since then I've had 3 different people that I've become incredibly close with, slowly begin to drift away from, panic, and then implode the relationship.
Now I'm going through it all over again and it is absolutely ruining me. I dont want to; I cant go through this again. Not this time. Not with my best friend.
We've known each other for around 6 months now, since october of last year, but only got close in January 2025. We had such great chemistry. We chatted and yapped and hopped on calls and played games together and went through so many different emotions together. We developed crushes on each other, then decided to not pursue it due to LDR, but remained so so close. She had a big move and grew a little distant and I got so close to CTBing. I was so scared in February: I saw her slipping away, I saw her distancing herself and not having as much time for us. I was so terrified of losing her. But then we got close, and even closer than before. In March we were besties, friends who called each other "My love" and shared intimacy that would make some romantic couples jealous.
But now, she's drifting again. But I know she's not; she just has other priorities. She wants to focus on others for a while, give them attention to, and I KNOW LOGICALLY that this is perfectly fine, that she still loves me deeply and that it's just an ebb and flow. But when she cancels our plans to do things with others, when we have so so little time for each other anymore and I always have to chase, its so hard to not see the signs of what I've undergone so many times now. I dont want to lose her, not her too.
I know I need to work on myself, on being happier on my own, on finding joy in life outside of being with her. But HOW?? I have hobbies I've tried to pick up, so many things. I go out for walks, I play a guitar, I write, I do so many things but none of them are even remotely as enjoyable as spending time with my favourite person. I don't know HOW to be better. I don't think she'll leave, and I trust that we'll come back to our previous closeness but god this feeling of distance is KILLING ME.
What's even worse is I HAVE a romantic partner. I have an amazing amazing loving girlfriend, who knows about all of this and is so loving and supportive, and she's been such a saint all the way but, she cant fix me. She's secure, she's safe, she doesnt have the same anxious thrill that my relationship with my best friend does. I just wish I could be a normal person, a normal friend. A friend who is okay with the ebbs and flows of a relationship, without seeing a single sign and catastrophising about it.
I know what's happening, I recognise my own flawed cognitions, I see and understand why its happening, but I don't know what I can do to stop feeling the way I feel. and its killing me.
