Venting anxious about not taking care of myself enough

[OutOfTheVoid]

i feel like i "dont have it bad enough" to vent abt this, but i get so anxious when i fall behind on like basic hygiene and taking care of myself. like i skipped showering yesterday and still dont feel like showering today and its gonna take a lot of effort to get myself to. i meant to wash my face last night but i didnt. i also havent eaten anything today bc i dont have the motivation to cook and i feel like i cant eat unless i shower first. i used to have consistent routine of showering every day, brushing my teeth twice a day, flossing, washing my face before bed, etc. i was also better at feeding myself. but ive been slipping more and more, im very inconsistent on how much i actually do on any given day. im worried i'll slip back fully into how i used to be. i had this routine for almost the past year but before that i was very lazy and inconsistent and not taking care of myself at all, especially when i didnt have school or work or anything. i also suspect that im developing schizophrenia and loss of hygiene and self-care is a common negative symptom

thing is idk why i care so much to have all this anxiety. if im just holed up in my room with nothing to do and no one else will see me why should i care about being 'presentable' or whatever? its not like i give a shit abt my own health. if i just wanna get high and listen to loud music why not? but even when i do that my anxiety and shame haunts me and poisons everything i do as if im not allowed to do or enjoy anything until i shower

 

[uniqueusername39]

speaking from my own experience, even if im just holed up in my room with nothing to do and no one to see, i still find taking care of myself worth it because it 1) passes the time, 2) i feel better about myself, and the second reason makes it all the more worth it. the burden of anxiety and shame lifts from my brain and i get the breathing space to think about doing things i actually enjoy doing.

what i've found really helped me with getting basic tasks done is to have a huge whiteboard in front of my desk and write down the things i need to do, even something as basic as eating something or showering. it psychologically pushes me to do them. or even an app called Habitica where it "gamifies" the things you need to do in your day.

and make showering as pleasant an experience for yourself as possible, so you don't have to dread it so much? get yourself the best scented soap, shampoo, warm water, your best most comfy clothes, the most comfy loofa, set up the music you like.

im sorry if you didn't want this advice, but i figured i'd type this up anyway...i need the reminder too, because i slip up with self care every now and then as well.

ps i see you are also a fan of pmmm. :)

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

speaking from my own experience, even if im just holed up in my room with nothing to do and no one to see, i still find taking care of myself worth it because it 1) passes the time, 2) i feel better about myself, and the second reason makes it all the more worth it. the burden of anxiety and shame lifts from my brain and i get the breathing space to think about doing things i actually enjoy doing.

what i've found really helped me with getting basic tasks done is to have a huge whiteboard in front of my desk and write down the things i need to do, even something as basic as eating something or showering. it psychologically pushes me to do them. or even an app called Habitica where it "gamifies" the things you need to do in your day.

and make showering as pleasant an experience for yourself as possible, so you don't have to dread it so much? get yourself the best scented soap, shampoo, warm water, your best most comfy clothes, the most comfy loofa, set up the music you like.

im sorry if you didn't want this advice, but i figured i'd type this up anyway...i need the reminder too, because i slip up with self care every now and then as well.

ps i see you are also a fan of pmmm. :)

i wasnt expecting advice and i already was aware of most of this, but i appreciate it

and yes lol i love madoka magica!

 

[Pengu]

i feel like i "dont have it bad enough" to vent abt this, but i get so anxious when i fall behind on like basic hygiene and taking care of myself. like i skipped showering yesterday and still dont feel like showering today and its gonna take a lot of effort to get myself to. i meant to wash my face last night but i didnt. i also havent eaten anything today bc i dont have the motivation to cook and i feel like i cant eat unless i shower first. i used to have consistent routine of showering every day, brushing my teeth twice a day, flossing, washing my face before bed, etc. i was also better at feeding myself. but ive been slipping more and more, im very inconsistent on how much i actually do on any given day. im worried i'll slip back fully into how i used to be. i had this routine for almost the past year but before that i was very lazy and inconsistent and not taking care of myself at all, especially when i didnt have school or work or anything. i also suspect that im developing schizophrenia and loss of hygiene and self-care is a common negative symptom

thing is idk why i care so much to have all this anxiety. if im just holed up in my room with nothing to do and no one else will see me why should i care about being 'presentable' or whatever? its not like i give a shit abt my own health. if i just wanna get high and listen to loud music why not? but even when i do that my anxiety and shame haunts me and poisons everything i do as if im not allowed to do or enjoy anything until i shower

I don't shower a lot either

 

[SolomonKado]

i feel like i "dont have it bad enough" to vent abt this, but i get so anxious when i fall behind on like basic hygiene and taking care of myself. like i skipped showering yesterday and still dont feel like showering today and its gonna take a lot of effort to get myself to. i meant to wash my face last night but i didnt. i also havent eaten anything today bc i dont have the motivation to cook and i feel like i cant eat unless i shower first. i used to have consistent routine of showering every day, brushing my teeth twice a day, flossing, washing my face before bed, etc. i was also better at feeding myself. but ive been slipping more and more, im very inconsistent on how much i actually do on any given day. im worried i'll slip back fully into how i used to be. i had this routine for almost the past year but before that i was very lazy and inconsistent and not taking care of myself at all, especially when i didnt have school or work or anything. i also suspect that im developing schizophrenia and loss of hygiene and self-care is a common negative symptom

thing is idk why i care so much to have all this anxiety. if im just holed up in my room with nothing to do and no one else will see me why should i care about being 'presentable' or whatever? its not like i give a shit abt my own health. if i just wanna get high and listen to loud music why not? but even when i do that my anxiety and shame haunts me and poisons everything i do as if im not allowed to do or enjoy anything until i shower

Honestly I get it for the most part, but mine is because I lost the will to function. I haven't showered in about five months. Same with brushing my teeth. It used to not be that way. I was super clean.

I could give you advice from my many years of my dealing with mental health, but I know you're not looking for advice and more about just venting. Do you still live with your parents? What happened to you to be like this originally? Has it just been this way your whole life? Is this how you want to be for your whole life in a profession? Can you function in a profession like this? With anxiety it can strip you of any motivation because you spend all your time in your head.

We get tormented by the thoughts of how we are supposed to be like everyone else and take care of ourself and our surroundings much better. Most of these thoughts everyone has, but aren't as much torture as it is with someone with high anxiety. That's also what anxiety does. It's never positive thoughts so I'm not amazed you feel this way. You just want to live your life the way you want to. Just be careful because life is long and you decide how you live your life. Good or bad.