Venting Anxiety surrounding COVID/suicidal thoughts getting worse

[thewhitedove29]

Is anybody else suffering the same?

There's been a reported number of cases of infected and uninfected people committing suicide due to the virus/anxiety over it.

When this whole thing broke out, immediately my brain went to the worst of places, like the world is ending, we're all doomed, everything will shut down, I'll get sick, I'll starve to death, nothing will ever be okay again etc. Reading news articles destroyed my mental health, but it's not like there was anyone around to stop me. It really is your own head fighting against you and the journalists having a field day with scaring everybody. And here in the UK there are significantly more people who have died than recovered and that's awful to see.

I've always been horrified of apocalyptic movies. i never find that shit interesting / entertaining because it all feels like it could become too real. i hated the hunger games when it came out. i hate dystopian fiction. it's just the most depressing thing in the world. fair enough if some people enjoy it but it would do nothing for me but just fuck up my mind. i don't want to live in that kind of society. i don't want to live to see the world descend into that kind of madness. it feels like everything is collapsing in on itself and i'm fucking exhausted. maybe the people that have bailed out and ctb before they saw any more shit/it got worse had the right idea.

Maybe it's not the virus itself that'll kill me but the knock-on effect, the struggle, the collapse of the economy. I am terrified that life as we know it is falling apart and will have long lasting damaging effects. I also recently went through a sort-of breakup (he wanted "space"), and I reached out to him during all of this telling him how bad my anxiety was and he just said "don't worry about it, you'll be fine" (verbatim) and "i'm not worried about the virus" (and i'm just shocked. all he did was give his OWN view of how HE felt and said nothing else) and then promptly blocked me from messaging him because i wasn't giving him enough space and he just wasn't fussed about any of it. He blanked my messages when I was having episodes and spiraling out. He is the least understanding person about how badly someone can suffer with mental health and just doesn't get it or really honestly seem to give a shit.

anyway, i have good days and bad days. i think postiive and try to be productive, exercise, learn new things. i miss my books. i haven't even got all of my stuff back from my old house and i have to arrange police to come with me if i want to go there and there is no way i can do that right now. and then i have days where i want to curl up in bed all day and pretend none of this is happening. my room is small but i'm glad i am here and not where i was. i don't have a big fancy kitchen to cook stuff in (i love learning new recipes and would totally use this time if i could to do that), i don't have games consoles to escape in (i have one at my old house).

how does everybody cope? how do you not get stuck in your own head? how do you struggle not to kill yourself because you're in this mentality that the world is going to shit? i have no family to call and now no boyfriend. just friends, which is nice enough i guess. i just don't know what else to do.

 

[clandestine]

the U.K. has had almost 40k confirmed cases and almost 3k have died. This isn't to mention all the cases that aren't tested or even make it to the hospital. There is a significant amount of recovery, not death (:

 

[Shinbu]

I believe the world has been mad since the beginning of life. Having a hobby can help you cope.

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Well I hate the world and everything in it. The virus is a much deserved punishment.

 

[Mistake of Nature]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and the way your ex-partner reacted was really inconsiderate. This isn't any help, but know that I'm in the same boat as far as COVID-19 anxiety and having suicidal thoughts due to the pandemic practically taking over my life right now. As you said, I have bad days and not-as-bad days, but it's a daily struggle right now. You're certainly not alone in this.

The number of cases will continue to go up for another few weeks because most countries have not been adequately testing its citizens. Testing is now starting to catch up, so that's why we're seeing these increasing numbers. Recoveries take a while to be recorded because it could take ~2 weeks for people to show symptoms, another week or two to ride out the virus, and then another little while to be considered fully recovered.

There's going to be massive economic problems during/after this pandemic, but the economy will eventually recover just as it has done in the past, and it is highly, highly unlikely that society will turn into anything resembling "apocalyptic". COVID-19 itself is new, but the world has dealt with other severe pandemics before, such as the 1918 Spanish Flu when medical advancements and general resources were much worse off than they are today.

As for coping...I haven't been doing well in that department honestly, but here are some things that I'm trying out:

1. Stay away from the news/social media, or allow yourself to the news for only 15 minutes a day. You already know everything to help keep you/your loved ones safe -- wash hands, stay home as much as possible, social distancing, isolating if feeling ill, etc. Knowing the number of cases or deaths does nothing to help you. Keep up with your local public health department and official sources regarding lockdowns and recommendations, but that's it!

2. Designate "worry time". Allow yourself to worry for 20 minutes every day, but only for those 20 minutes. If intrusive thoughts pop up throughout the day, let them go for the time being and tell yourself that you'll handle them during your worry time.

3. Go outside and get fresh air when you can (of course use social distancing). Eat your meals outside, read your books outside, do your exercise outside, etc.

4. Stay connected with your friends. Start a virtual movie or book club with them where you all watch/read the same thing and then talk about it afterwords. Check in with them regularly. Let them know you're needing support.

5. Get creative with your hobbies. Think up new recipes using anything that you have in your household as a way to challenge yourself since you enjoy cooking. Read e-books that you've been meaning to read but never had the time for.

6. Read up on "radical acceptance" to cope with the reality that we're all living in, practice grounding techniques if you start panicking, and try the 4-7-8 breathing technique.

Alright, I'll shut up now, sorry for writing out a whole novel!! I hope you feel better soon!

 

[thewhitedove29]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and the way your ex-partner reacted was really inconsiderate. This isn't any help, but know that I'm in the same boat as far as COVID-19 anxiety and having suicidal thoughts due to the pandemic practically taking over my life right now. As you said, I have bad days and not-as-bad days, but it's a daily struggle right now. You're certainly not alone in this.

The number of cases will continue to go up for another few weeks because most countries have not been adequately testing its citizens. Testing is now starting to catch up, so that's why we're seeing these increasing numbers. Recoveries take a while to be recorded because it could take ~2 weeks for people to show symptoms, another week or two to ride out the virus, and then another little while to be considered fully recovered.

There's going to be massive economic problems during/after this pandemic, but the economy will eventually recover just as it has done in the past, and it is highly, highly unlikely that society will turn into anything resembling "apocalyptic". COVID-19 itself is new, but the world has dealt with other severe pandemics before, such as the 1918 Spanish Flu when medical advancements and general resources were much worse off than they are today.

As for coping...I haven't been doing well in that department honestly, but here are some things that I'm trying out:

1. Stay away from the news/social media, or allow yourself to the news for only 15 minutes a day. You already know everything to help keep you/your loved ones safe -- wash hands, stay home as much as possible, social distancing, isolating if feeling ill, etc. Knowing the number of cases or deaths does nothing to help you. Keep up with your local public health department and official sources regarding lockdowns and recommendations, but that's it!

2. Designate "worry time". Allow yourself to worry for 20 minutes every day, but only for those 20 minutes. If intrusive thoughts pop up throughout the day, let them go for the time being and tell yourself that you'll handle them during your worry time.

3. Go outside and get fresh air when you can (of course use social distancing). Eat your meals outside, read your books outside, do your exercise outside, etc.

4. Stay connected with your friends. Start a virtual movie or book club with them where you all watch/read the same thing and then talk about it afterwords. Check in with them regularly. Let them know you're needing support.

5. Get creative with your hobbies. Think up new recipes using anything that you have in your household as a way to challenge yourself since you enjoy cooking. Read e-books that you've been meaning to read but never had the time for.

6. Read up on "radical acceptance" to cope with the reality that we're all living in, practice grounding techniques if you start panicking, and try the 4-7-8 breathing technique.

Alright, I'll shut up now, sorry for writing out a whole novel!! I hope you feel better soon!

this was definitely the most detailed and thoughtful response, thank you for your kind words!. I'm going to keep all this in mind if things get too heavy again.

 

[Blutsager]

I am starting feel optimistic lately, and I hate it. Last week I had reached a certain peace of mind as I have accepted my inevitable demise. I was living one day at a time, not to try to keep it up until it was over, but to enjoy what I was certain were my last days on this planet. But now I actually imagine a future where there is a mere economic depression, a 2008-ish situation which isn't nice but it's not a post-apocalyptic nightmare... even though there is absolutely no reason to have any optimism for this future. And I am horrified, because I am afraid should I get infected, I won't have what it takes to take the SN I have on a drawer as I have developed a stupid sense of optimism, or if I hear sounds of gunshots on my door as the bloodshed spreads, I won't be willing to kill myself quickly enough to escape a more violent and gruesome death.

I dunno... perhaps this optimism is a good thing. Irrational, but at least I will enjoy my last days a lil bit better. I can't tell anymore. I am so pesimistic with such issues and this negativity never materializes, but I am still certain this time will be different...

I don't know anymore...

 

[thewhitedove29]

I am starting feel optimistic lately, and I hate it. Last week I had reached a certain peace of mind as I have accepted my inevitable demise. I was living one day at a time, not to try to keep it up until it was over, but to enjoy what I was certain were my last days on this planet. But now I actually imagine a future where there is a mere economic depression, a 2008-ish situation which isn't nice but it's not a post-apocalyptic nightmare... even though there is absolutely no reason to have any optimism for this future. And I am horrified, because I am afraid should I get infected, I won't have what it takes to take the SN I have on a drawer as I have developed a stupid sense of optimism, or if I hear sounds of gunshots on my door as the bloodshed spreads, I won't be willing to kill myself quickly enough to escape a more violent and gruesome death.

I dunno... perhaps this optimism is a good thing. Irrational, but at least I will enjoy my last days a lil bit better. I can't tell anymore. I am so pesimistic with such issues and this negativity never materializes, but I am still certain this time will be different...

I don't know anymore...

That sounds really tough.
I'm not old enough to know what the 2008 situation was like, as i was 10, but i have vaguely heard about it. i hope you find the clarity you're looking for, and find some sense in your muddled days. i think you're doing the best you can.