Venting Anxiety makes me want to kill myself

[リンさん]

I don't want to keep living in the constant state of debilitating anxiety anymore. It's draining and painful.

Every time I think about being productive and spending time studying, my whole body goes numb and becomes extremely heavy with fear. I fear people. I fear failure. I fear misunderstanding. I fear falling behind. I fear being a disappointment.

I don't want to go on. But I can't just let it go, because all of it is a part of life. I have to study. I have to work. I have to pay my bills. I have to interact with people. I have to eat and clean and care for myself.

And I hate it so much. I'm so tired of it, because it's all scary and eating away at my mental health. I can't function. I don't want to function. I develop new stress related symptoms at a very high rate and cope in unhealthy ways.

I just can't do it anymore. I want to, but I can't.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder and my suicidal thoughts are at their worst when extremely anxious.
I understand that feeling of things piling up on top of you , it's just one burden on top of another.
If we weren't forced into complying with this toxic high - pressure society then our lives wouldn't be anywhere near as anxious.

 

[jinx <3]

I've not had anxiety in the same way that you have; however, I have had anxiety bad enough to push me towards suicide multiple times in the past. So I get how fucked up the whole situation feels and how unsolvable it seems to you. There's nothing I can say that will help with the anxiety, but I hope to at least make you feel better in some other way. You are certainly talented, and even if you don't belive so, you are kind and caring. I hope that your
anxiety up and vanishes but I know that's likely a silly wish to make <3.

I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder and my suicidal thoughts are at their worst when extremely anxious.
I understand that feeling of things piling up on top of you , it's just one burden on top of another.
If we weren't forced into complying with this toxic high - pressure society then our lives wouldn't be anywhere near as anxious.

I also feel like the piling up is what pushed me to suicide in the first place; thank you for putting it into words <3.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've not had anxiety in the same way that you have; however, I have had anxiety bad enough to push me towards suicide multiple times in the past. So I get how fucked up the whole situation feels and how unsolvable it seems to you. There's nothing I can say that will help with the anxiety, but I hope to at least make you feel better in some other way. You are certainly talented, and even if you don't belive so, you are kind and caring. I hope that your
anxiety up and vanishes but I know that's likely a silly wish to make <3.

I also feel like the piling up is what pushed me to suicide in the first place; thank you for putting it into words <3.

You are more than welcome.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

I feel for you. All of it is tough already as a person who functions normally, but anxiety, depression and other mental issues make it way way harder to cope with everyday life.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring and awful what you are going through, it's dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[ddn.ctb]

I don't want to keep living in the constant state of debilitating anxiety anymore. It's draining and painful.

Every time I think about being productive and spending time studying, my whole body goes numb and becomes extremely heavy with fear. I fear people. I fear failure. I fear misunderstanding. I fear falling behind. I fear being a disappointment.

I don't want to go on. But I can't just let it go, because all of it is a part of life. I have to study. I have to work. I have to pay my bills. I have to interact with people. I have to eat and clean and care for myself.

And I hate it so much. I'm so tired of it, because it's all scary and eating away at my mental health. I can't function. I don't want to function. I develop new stress related symptoms at a very high rate and cope in unhealthy ways.

I just can't do it anymore. I want to, but I can't.

I find anxiety plays a big role for me. It's just seems to be more simple to CTB than to deal with the anxiety

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

There are things wich help me to get rid of anxiety.
Cognitivo behavioural therapy : not completely getting rid of it but it has improved a lot.
Psylocibin : to explore past traumas because it often related to chronic and disabilating anxiety. I did alone but it better to do it with a professional. There is a Facebook group called psychedelic assisted therapy.

I also had a psychotic decompensation wich in my case, completely heal my anxiety. Of course i dont how to cause one and i know this is really bad seeing by psychatry. However, in my case i spend two month talking with spirits ( in my reality, it doesn't mean that it was real spirits) they were, for the most, people that i knew directly and indirectly in my life. For example i was sure to talk with an Indian philosoph ( krishnamurti) who was helped me to completely get rid of fear. He showed me what i was afraid of and teach me how to look at these things in the face to decondition myself from the fear of them. I spend one month talking with him to decondition my body and my mind from fear. We started with mind then the body wich has been used to know constant anxiety did a slow process to balance itself. Why ? Cause when your body has been in anxiety for too long, he need the energy that anxiety give ( as the heartbeat fast, etc.. ). So it has to adapt to a new condition, a condition in wich your mind isn't so anxious. In my case i had to expose myself to things that create anxiety only to maintain my body alive. otherwise i had breath difficulty and others symptoms. Days after days, i was less and less anxious about the things that previously was terrifying me until i completely get rid of it.
I know it seems crazy.

Also had multiple conversation wich a lot of other spirits as a physicist, an ethnobotanist, scientists, teachers i had in the past and so one... sometimes some spirits operated on my body to heal something, others ( wich were peoples who bothers me in the past) were attacking my brain or other part of my body and i had to ask for others spirites to resolve what they did or resolving on my own by interacting with a world of vision. I was really feeling what was happening in my body. So it wasn't only a psychic experience.
Unfortunately my parents put me in a psych ward during this period. It was actually the best period of my life as i was living incredibly interesting things, also had sex with spirits, played games, etc..
I hope it is not inapropriate to talk about this trip in my answer cause i'm not sure it can help but i find it interesting to share. If it is, i can just delete all the psychotic decompensation part.