Venting anxiety is the worst thing on the planet

[olvidame]

you know what i mean. i know that, like me, its probably the biggest reason you wanna kill yourself. i just popped two benzos to calm myself down. what got me so worked up you ask? my heart beat and heart rate were a little too fast and hard for my liking. so began the spiral. im obese so its easy for me to think im about to die. i go through heart related anxiety every fucking day. at this point im so sick of fighting that im one push away from ordering a rope and hanging myself in my closet. ive had more than ENOUGH of this anxiety shit. ive had episodes that have lasted DAYS. imagine DAYS of anxiety. DAYS of your heart constantly racing and pounding. i hate this fucking brain i was cursed with. this might have been easier to deal with if i didnt abuse my immaculate body in my later teenage years. death is calling me and its so hard to resist
thanks for the hugs guys. i dont feel so alone when im here.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I understand finding it torturous to exist, it really sounds like you've suffered a lot. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[G000pie]

I absolutely agree. I've had panic attacks so bad I screamed and begged my parents to kill me... and then the anxiety flareups where there's a bunch of cortisol that won't leave your system and leaves you bed-ridden for weeks. My longest one lasted half a year. Panic attacks every day for that long... worse than hell. Hours and hours every night of checking your heart rate and blood pressure every night sometimes... Not being able to eat too much lest it scare your body because you think you'll throw up and having to eat enough because hunger triggers it too. Nausea, choking sensations, GERD, loss of appetite, dizziness/vertigo, insomnia, body aches from being so fucking tense, the list goes on and on and on...
I had one doctor say "if I was alive during pioneer I'd be great at keeping watch for Indians" like fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, you don't have live with this shit. You don't know a kind of fear that's more terrifying than death. And then there's people that preach to me about it like one girl who said "what have you to fear :D" like I cannot imagine being able to wake up in a normal body that doesn't feel like it's eating itself.

Ugh.

 

[Young]

I feel you. Anxiety sucks. I wake up anxiety almost every day for no reason. But we are a bit different, when my heart races or my chest hurts I feel a bit excited. It's truly a curse.

 

[nogods4me]

it destroyed my entire life

 

[Kibby]

i relate sm, it caused me to tweak out and look crazy to friends and now they dont bother talking to me. its over.

 

[olvidame]

i relate sm, it caused me to tweak out and look crazy to friends and now they dont bother talking to me. its over.

if you ask me, the garbage took itself out. i distanced myself from my "friend" because he was dismissive of my generalized anxiety disorder. you dont need ppl like that in your life

 

[Kibby]

if you ask me, the garbage took itself out. i distanced myself from my "friend" because he was dismissive of my generalized anxiety disorder. you dont need ppl like that in your life

thank you... it's hard to think so because logically speaking if it wasn't for me tweaking I would still have em but eh it is what it is. It just makes it all worse I wake up and have a insane pit in the stomach hoping it all goes back to normal and whats worse is im an incredibly aloof person, apathetic even so having this anxiousness is pure hell I dont know how to handle the emotion

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Me too. I hate anxiety.

 

[Kibby]

I wonder if anyone has solved their anxiety in some way...

 

[olvidame]

thank you... it's hard to think so because logically speaking if it wasn't for me tweaking I would still have em but eh it is what it is. It just makes it all worse I wake up and have a insane pit in the stomach hoping it all goes back to normal and whats worse is im an incredibly aloof person, apathetic even so having this anxiousness is pure hell I dont know how to handle the emotion

my ex girlfriend used to have full-on nuclear mental breakdowns complete with hyperventilation and crying and i would always comfort her. i would do the same for a friend. nobody should stop talking to you because youre going through a mental struggle. thats cold and heartless as fuck

 

[restless111]

Exactly. And it feels like people don't understand how debilitating anxiety can truly be. I throw up before every exam, I have been pulling my hair out for years to the point where I have a persistent bald patch. It's so hard to live with anxiety , I'd rather not have to do it

 

[let.me.let.go87]

you know what i mean. i know that, like me, its probably the biggest reason you wanna kill yourself. i just popped two benzos to calm myself down. what got me so worked up you ask? my heart beat and heart rate were a little too fast and hard for my liking. so began the spiral. im obese so its easy for me to think im about to die. i go through heart related anxiety every fucking day. at this point im so sick of fighting that im one push away from ordering a rope and hanging myself in my closet. ive had more than ENOUGH of this anxiety shit. ive had episodes that have lasted DAYS. imagine DAYS of anxiety. DAYS of your heart constantly racing and pounding. i hate this fucking brain i was cursed with. this might have been easier to deal with if i didnt abuse my immaculate body in my later teenage years. death is calling me and its so hard to resist
thanks for the hugs guys. i dont feel so alone when im here.

I understand anxiety all too well. But be careful with benzos okay? I take them too but they're very addictive and along with anxiety that's the last thing we need. Some narcotic addiction have you tried doing combo? Like clondine and your benzo? I take clonodine klonopin and buspar. It's not perfect but I only take klonopin when it is that absolute worst coz my parents are both addicts and I dont wanna risk it. Nothing is worth being turned into an addict

 

[olvidame]

I understand anxiety all too well. But be careful with benzos okay? I take them too but they're very addictive and along with anxiety that's the last thing we need. Some narcotic addiction have you tried doing combo? Like clondine and your benzo? I take clonodine klonopin and buspar. It's not perfect but I only take klonopin when it is that absolute worst coz my parents are both addicts and I dont wanna risk it. Nothing is worth being turned into an addict

i have to find refuge from the constant suffering or ill end it sooner rather than later

 

[let.me.let.go87]

i have to find refuge from the constant suffering or ill end it sooner rather than later

I understand this too. It's the same reason I'm here. The constant anxiety. Flashbacks. Sei,uses and physical pain im in. Believe me i understand it all too well I just don't want you making shit harder than it already is on yourself. Yknow?

 

[olvidame]

I understand this too. It's the same reason I'm here. The constant anxiety. Flashbacks. Sei,uses and physical pain im in. Believe me i understand it all too well I just don't want you making shit harder than it already is on yourself. Yknow?

make it harder? why not. in for a penny, in for a pound.

 

[human909]

Anxiety is the worst definitely, you feel like the whole fucking world is against you when you have it. (at least for me) I never understand this world, it sucks and it's unfriendly.

 

[divinemistress36]

Its the worst Ill take the depression over the anxiety

 

[olvidame]

Its the worst Ill take the depression over the anxiety

same. i am also depressed and it feels like a warm weighted blanket. i much prefer it to the chaos and pain of anxiety. my soul is in tatters.

 

[Daxter777]

I have GAD and panic attacks and both are hell. I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone. Ironically my attacks make me more suicidal. My brain says "oh shit there is danger quickly kill yourself." My longest attack I've had was 3 months straight at 100% intensity. I was living in absolute hell and could not function.

 

[olvidame]

I have GAD and panic attacks and both are hell. I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone. Ironically my attacks make me more suicidal. My brain says "oh shit there is danger quickly kill yourself." My longest attack I've had was 3 months straight at 100% intensity. I was living in absolute hell and could not function.

did you get on medication at all? thats fucking awful and similar to what i went through. pretty sure the few white hairs that showed up on my beard are due to the extreme sustained stress. 28 yo btw. the only reason i got through it was because of the benzos and videogames.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I wonder if anyone has solved their anxiety in some way...

If I did, why am I still here wondering how to ctb correctly and not feel so afraid to be around people when people have me my anxiety and issues , and I usually pretend and gaslight myself into believing it'll be okay, as I am naturally happy and don't feel much emotions usually except numbness
I have

I have GAD and panic attacks and both are hell. I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone. Ironically my attacks make me more suicidal. My brain says "oh shit there is danger quickly kill yourself." My longest attack I've had was 3 months straight at 100% intensity. I was living in absolute hell and could not function.

monophobia and constant fear of being around people for too long, and I am a sociable introvert but I mean that they literally disappoint me so much I don't want to be around them as I feel reliant and uncomfortable with being lied to and being myself to be abused, and I wouldn't wish that or performance anxiety and feeling like a loser because of your learning disability on anyone either… This was often confused as GAD and SA for years, but I don't really get that anxious and can be normal around people and know how hard it is with people with much survivor anxiety experiences that you sweat so much and it's hard to breathe or your body hates you as a symptom of the feeling.

I stand with you as someone with half of these symptoms and in all fear of living

Its the worst Ill take the depression over the anxiety

I want depression too as I wonder why do I suffer from numbness so much and literally embarrassing myself and being codependent on people so badly :((

I barely even know if I'm actually depressed or just tired with life… this shit sucks so badly :<

 

[olvidame]

If I did, why am I still here wondering how to ctb correctly and not feel so afraid to be around people when people have me my anxiety and issues , and I usually pretend and gaslight myself into believing it'll be okay, as I am naturally happy and don't feel much emotions usually except numbness

I believe that i deal with something similar. I went out and got a "life" like everyone told me to, i was working a job making good money and going out with friends. But the problem was that i didnt care or enjoy it. I dont care about anything and i feel nothing. I only want to minimize my suffering until its time to die. I was never compatible with this world or its people

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I truly wished we weren't brought up by dealing with evil people in this world and believing our problems could be solved by manipulation after manipulation. I wish I could give you a better response too and emoji I know that feeling of living life… I am a happy person myself, and have been abused so much and fearing people as normal and even ironically, being a sociable introvert whose natural state is being reserved, I just feel so much fear and self isolate because of the dilemma and torment of having to put up a front and you just know it's so emotionally exhausting and stressing… I felt so much fear having to imagine if I had to smile for years and pretend it all over again…

I just can't do it and don't wish to…

It's abuse and I hope we never have to deal with this anymore until we breathe out of this existence.

Supporting you from a distance and however far we are in this world.

I truly wish we weren't set up for the failures and dangers this world had done to us…

And same…

I had a true friend group (perhaps four times) but wanted out and felt so… alone each time… and felt like I was lying and dying every time :'))

So glad to meet someone similar to me who deals with this as I feel like I only understand it

I believe that i deal with something similar. I went out and got a "life" like everyone told me to, i was working a job making good money and going out with friends. But the problem was that i didnt care or enjoy it. I dont care about anything and i feel nothing. I only want to minimize my suffering until it's time to die. I was never compatible with this world or its people

 

[Ligottian]

Anxiety and depression. Twin hells?

 

[olvidame]

Anxiety and depression. Twin hells?

anxiety is my biggest enemy. depression is whatever to me in comparison

 

[annxietty]

i have agoraphobia, to me a 3 min trip to the supermarket becomes a nightmare, i talk to myself saying "everything is fine, everything is fine, calm down" but I feel like I have nowhere to hide, I feel like Im going to wet myself in public, or vomit, I see no bathrooms around me, what if? what if? what if?... this is the everyday for me, cant go to the park with my 8y nephew, cant find a fucking job, havent had a friend since I was 15-16 (im turning 24), never had a relationship (romantic), and everyone is sick of me, that person that cant do shit because ""she has anxiety meh"" I ask for 2 seconds in my body for those who think I exagerate, that Im not trying, that I could do more... 2 seconds... There are things I want to do, places I want to be in, people I want to hug, books I want to read, movies and series I want to watch, I want to live... not survive... LIVE... but this is no life, and I go to my psychiatrist and he says anxiety is good, fuck you, at this point I would take a lobotomy, idk one starts to think it doesnt sound that bad, after all our brain is our enemy...

ended up talking a lot about myself, just wanted to tell you that yes, there are more people out there that feel like you, Im sorry I cant offer any peace to your mind, maybe Ive upset you even more, if thats the case I apologize... whatever the path you choose I hope it brings you peace, no one deserves to live like this.

 

[oneeyed]

Anxiety and depression. Twin hells?

Yup. They often come paired together, I should know I'm one of their victims. It's literally every day, typing this my jaw has been clenched without me realising it that its now sore lol. Oh and the morning anxiety shits...

 

[LostLily]

Anxiety feels like your constantly on fire