Venting Anxiety Disorder after Failing

[sizuen]

Hello in 2020 i tried overdosing myself with antibiotics and painkillers ( i didnt have enough knowledge with SN and etc).
It numbed my whole body and i was panicking that my uncle noticed and brought me to the hospital.. right after my body numbed i regretted all the things i did (the cbt). Im wondering why was it because i didnt actually wnna do cbt? Was i just being a dumbass? I do not know.. but months after that i developed anxiety and panic disorder because of fear of death or unknown.. since then i have been having existencial crisis every night (especially in power outage where i cant distract myself) as of now i feel normal probably because i can dostract myself with social media.. but deep down im sure someday i would do it again.. but dont know how because the fear of dying is too strong..

 

[nonentity]

In the moments leading up to death, it is our natural instinct to try to survive. It's a panic response that our bodies go through to keep us alive. It doesn't mean that you don't actually wanna ctb, or that you were being a dumbass.

The existential crisis and the irrational fear of death I can relate to. I desperately want to pass, but I am absolutely petrified to do so. I don't know what comes next. It's the nothing-ness that scares me. The fact that I will just cease to exist, no more, just blank is terrifying. But exciting all at once.

I hope that you can figure out what you want in the end. It's okay, take your time and when the time is right (and you want to proceed to ctb) you'll know and proceed. Cheers

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing ctb sounds so horrific to me and it's understandable having fears of the dying process. I just think the reality is that after all suicide isn't something that is straightforward and only you know when the time is right for you to leave this world. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Hotsackage]

theres either reincarnation or nothing. reincarnation i dont mind, and i love sleep so eternal sleep is also appealing. obviously i could be totally wrong, but these two are the only ones that makes sense.

 

[TheDizzenter]

Remember, I had a similar condition. Funnily, my method was related more to " Coma " than reach CTB
It depends of a lot of things. Doses, kind of pills, quantity, weight/height. Usually when we try this method, we are desperate, aren't we?
I remember even taking some stuff that I don't know how my body took that, but probably did struggle to.
And now your body, mind got the idea of the fact It was in purpose, It pulls the trigger to you avoid, you know what I mean?
Isn't about being coward or simply " dumb "
This is an experience that made you rethink. Your body has only the function to remain alive.
But when you do the opposite, isn't only the physical, but you can observe your mind struggle.
This is a natural sensation after this idea of yours.
But if you believe this is your freedom, don't panic. Take the plan at the best. Don't rush.
Because get It, I know you can.

 

[sizuen]

Remember, I had a similar condition. Funnily, my method was related more to " Coma " than reach CTB
It depends of a lot of things. Doses, kind of pills, quantity, weight/height. Usually when we try this method, we are desperate, aren't we?
I remember even taking some stuff that I don't know how my body took that, but probably did struggle to.
And now your body, mind got the idea of the fact It was in purpose, It pulls the trigger to you avoid, you know what I mean?
Isn't about being coward or simply " dumb "
This is an experience that made you rethink. Your body has only the function to remain alive.
But when you do the opposite, isn't only the physical, but you can observe your mind struggle.
This is a natural sensation after this idea of yours.
But if you believe this is your freedom, don't panic. Take the plan at the best. Don't rush.
Because get It, I know you can.

Thankyou you are absolutely right. When time truly comes ctb will come for me. And also small things like realizong my body working so hard to keep me alive makes me somehow special and happy thankyou..

 

[TheDizzenter]

Thankyou you are absolutely right. When time truly comes ctb will come for me. And also small things like realizong my body working so hard to keep me alive makes me somehow special and happy thankyou..

You are welcome. When I find someone who need some help, I always do It. After all, we are here for same reason.
Some of us have more experience. And considering I didn't have help before at that times, I will help all these I can. So don't worry for It!

It was a honor to make you better about this situation.