Venting Anxiety and Fear

[BurnTheHeartAndFeast]

It's embarrassing to admit but I have an intense fear of public speaking and being in public. Even though I started treatment, I have been putting off setting up my next therapy appointment and being honest with my psychiatrist about how I really feel about the medication.
Classes start tomorrow and I'm scared.
I have a bad habit of dropping classes that include presentations or any form of oral reporting in class. This stalls me from graduating on time.
One of my classes has an end-of-the-semester, small presentation instead of a final exam. It is just for one day.
I am fighting my mind to not just dropped out but I financially cannot do this anymore!
I need to do this!! I am hoping I can tell my therapist in the next appointment to maybe see what I can do to cope or maybe find a way I can take an online class from a different college.
All I can think about is grabbing my razor blade for my heart to settle down. I have to talk to my advisor but she seems so mean and scary.
Even though I'm an adult, adults scare me. I cry easily. It's SOO embarrassing.
I tell my sister about the presentation tomorrow. She knows about my situation and how far I am willing to go to not do public speaking and presentation. I legit tried to kill myself three times. I am a failure.
I'm telling myself to just go to class for one day and see how I feel.
I want to overcome at least public speaking. I cry easily, my voice shakes, and my face gets so red. People feel how much I struggle and even their pity makes it worse. I wish I was normal.

 

[allthatimsaying]

I'm so sorry about all of this. I'm a bit like you and I understand it. I truly do.

I've dropped practically all classes from the last two years because of my social anxiety. It sucks. It started on a online class during the pandemics. The professor asked me something "in front" of the class and I wasn't able to answer properly. It thought it was so cringeworthy I couldn't attend any more classes after that, with a fear of this happening again and what people would think of me.

I hope all of this passes. You'll be able to find a way, whatever it is.

I'm here and we all are. If you feel comfortable, can you update us on what your therapist says? Hoping for the best!

 

[BurnTheHeartAndFeast]

I'm so sorry about all of this. I'm a bit like you and I understand it. I truly do.

I've dropped practically all classes from the last two years because of my social anxiety. It sucks. It started on a online class during the pandemics. The professor asked me something "in front" of the class and I wasn't able to answer properly. It thought it was so cringeworthy I couldn't attend any more classes after that, with a fear of this happening again and what people would think of me.

I hope all of this passes. You'll be able to find a way, whatever it is.

I'm here and we all are. If you feel comfortable, can you update us on what your therapist says? Hoping for the best!

Thank you, it really feels comforting to know I am not alone in this struggle. I am trying hard to manage and hopefully, I can talk to my therapist to see ways I can manage.
I really do want to improve my life since I am seeing warning signs of me falling back into an episode.
I remember I had a previous therapist tell me to get a job in retail to get used to being in a social setting. Because of my mindset and not having the funds for transportation, I did not do it. I think I might consider looking into getting a job since it might help me get used to speaking to other people, especially since the place I am living in is a slow area.

 

[allthatimsaying]

Thank you, it really feels comforting to know I am not alone in this struggle. I am trying hard to manage and hopefully, I can talk to my therapist to see ways I can manage.
I really do want to improve my life since I am seeing warning signs of me falling back into an episode.
I remember I had a previous therapist tell me to get a job in retail to get used to being in a social setting. Because of my mindset and not having the funds for transportation, I did not do it. I think I might consider looking into getting a job since it might help me get used to speaking to other people, especially since the place I am living in is a slow area.

Yes, it'll definitely help!

I got a job since the last year, and it acts like a fallback for my social interaction. There are a few people in my workplace, and everyone working in the same field as mine. The conversation flows so much better and you don't need to be constantly talking, since people have their own work to do too. Even an internship helps.

Do you think you can get a job in the mean time?

I feel you can make it. Either way you choose in your life, we are here.

 

[HighFlight]

I understand your anxiety with public speaking, as I share the same anxiety (although to a lesser degree). Now I hold a job where I'm expected to lead workshops and train groups of people. It's gotten easier over the years, but the anxiety still exists and has been getting worse the past few years.

Here are a couple coping mechanisms I've used to help me:

• Most presentations are time-based. Let your mind focus on how short that time really is. When put in perspective of your full day, that presentation becomes pretty small.
• Know the meterial very well, and don't be afraid to say "I don't know".
• Plant someone you trust in the audience. When you feel the anxiety rise, make eye-contact with that person to pretend to have a 1-on-1 conversation with them.

I'm sure others have some suggestions of what worked from them.

But even with your anxiety, with some practice and help from your friends (even us ), I believe you can get through this class and move on.

Best of luck, and feel free to reach out if you'd like.